2 Jan- 8 Jan 2011

2/1/11 (1524)

Awesome redeemer, healer, creator, and our perfect Father. How glad I am to come before You today. What a bitter sweet day- saying goodbye to Wilshaw for another couple months, but excited to continue my time in Haiti. I thank You for safe travel and just another day to be alive. 84 degrees in Haiti- going to feel hot again now that I've been in weather below 65 degrees the whole time. Not really looking forward to the craziness at the PaP airport, but it will soon be over and i'll be back "home" again for a little. I was nervous about my Kreyol being really rusty, but I actually could still understand a fair amount on the airplane, so I know it will come back to me.

Wilshaw & I enjoyed our last evening together. I had one last S'more we had by the fireplace. Five am came around early, but after one last warm shower and baked oatmeal I was awake. Well, the flight is descending so I'm going to look at the beautiful islands and mountains!

4/1/11 (0650)

Blessed Savior, how wonderful are Thee. You allow me to sleep and then wake up again, even if I am tired. If I choose to stay up late then I have to sacrifice my sleep and not sacrifice spending time with You. I can't get away from that because I want to grow closer and closer to You. I thank You so much for a wonderful day yesterday working and seeing everyone again! As well as a couple new people. Marc, Brian, & I stayed up until midnight catching up and talking. I am glad for a group that we can talk about personal things and not be judged, but instead we can encourage each other in the word of God & speak truth in love. I pray for us all to stay close and grow with You everyday. I pray for our individual and group ministries here. May we pour out blessings unto others.

It was such a wonderful greeting from all of the Haitian staff. Hugs & kisses and genuine gladness to see us. I don't think all of them knew who was coming back. I pray for guidance in my position to be led by You and to truly blend myself with the local staff. I pray all these things in Jesus Christ name!

8/1/11 (2343)

I guess I haven't written in my journal for a couple days! I haven't worked in almost 4 weeks so it took some readjusting to get back in the swing of things & fit everything in as well as working. We had a orthopedic MD and anesthesiologist for 1 week and they have been wonderful to work with this week. They adjusted to how we do things now, showed us a new exercise machine, and lead a bible study. For some reason we had a lot of no-shows on surgeries this week, but we could provide a couple much needed surgeries and adjust to being back here. We had a spinal cord injury patient come in Monday. He fell out of a tree on December 26^th and had some deficits since the fall. They wanted to surgically stabilize him and minimize long term deficits.

Good thing we weren't as busy this week because I spent a whole day getting 2 units of blood for his surgery. And we tried lots of different things to get him to have a BM. Nothing had been done at the other hospital, so he came in to our hospital very impacted. So now, we'll have to figure out a regime for him so he doesn't get that way again. So for the blood, the family had gone the last 2 days and there was none at the main Red Cross. So I called around for about 2.5 hours until I found a place remotely close. Then Richard drove us over (about an hour drive) and we waited 2.5 hours to get the blood, but praise God they had 2 units! I took Mac with me because we had to ride the tap-taps back (public transportation). We took 3 different tap-taps. Boy I would have never known what I was doing because we were all over the place! We payed a total of 75 gourdes for all 3 rides (about $2 US). It was an eye-opener and learning experience for me. The things people here have to go through to get the basic necessities, or what we can easily get in America. In Haiti, it's usually the family that gets the blood and brings it back in a cooler. The only reason I went was because we had to do the surgery by Saturday (because the OR nurse and anesthesiologist were leaving Sunday) & the family had tried the last 2 days but they had none at the other places. We didn't want to risk not getting it that Friday, so I went instead. It was a new experience for me having to do it. 

But, all in all, the surgery was able to get done! They didn't need the blood, but it obviously was better to have it than not have it in emergency (because you can see how long it took me to get blood.). So now we have 2 more units of non-expired blood. We only had 5 out of about 50 units (bags) of blood that was not expired in the hospital fridge (none that was the patient's blood type). It took me about 30 minutes to go through all the blood to look for some not expired, so Lucia helped me to properly discard of the expired blood because it wasn't worth keeping all that expired blood in the fridge. Hopefully we can put a system in place for blood- and try to give it to other places if it's about to expire if we don't need it.

This afternoon (after my 3 hour nap), we hiked up the mountains (Sophie, David, Gerry, & I...Sophie is the ER MD here for a couple months; David is the anthesiologist here for this week; and Gerry is the ortho MD here for this week). It was so beautiful! We met a guy Amos who guided us back to the right road to get down. I got to speak to Wilshaw for awhile then.

I'm readjusting to the cold showers and mosquitoes! My fan went "walking away" while I was gone, so I need to buy one because it's certainty muggy tonight! Kim (a physical therapist) said something that I didn't think was really noticed that I was trying to do, but she said "You're really working alongside and together with the Haitian doctors and nurses, which this hospital hasn't really had in one year." so I pray that You would be my guide as nurse "coordinator" (as Marc put my job title) and to keep Your will for this hospital. 

Another thing that Mac (one of the Haitian translators) noted when we were sitting in an actually very nice medical facility in Delmas 33 waiting floor the blood was that there was a leak coming from the ceiling over the door. So with everyone's dusty shoes, it made the floor muddy. So the cleaning guy would sweep it up every once in awhile. I saw some of the Haitians sitting there point out the leak to him. Mac said "You see that's a problem in Haiti. Instead of actually fixing the problem, they just clean up the mess." Interesting way to look at that, and I pray that will change. Well, it's midnight! Time for bed!

My break in America Dec 7-Jan 1

12/12/10 (1037)

    Even though I'm a little saddened that I won't be going back to Haiti for awhile, I know all things work out for God's good. I printed out pictures to give to some of the patients and I'm not sure if I'll see them again because I don't know when I'll be returning yet. As well as to say goodbye to some volunteers not coming back. But, I can still praise God for the warm (and cold) weather, safety in Haiti, for rest and for work. I do not want to be idle during this time, so show me ways that I can serve You. I am enjoying my time with Wilshaw, but the days seem lonely by myself because I'm always used to being around people all the time except for my bible study time. It's good to have time just to yourself, but I love community living and the supportive Christians in walking distance.

     I can tell it is going to take much longer to make close friends when I return because of not living in a community (like you do in college) so you don't get to get to know each other as quickly. That's why the transition after college was hard. I enjoy community living! We don't have to live in the same house, but same neighborhood to easily meet up to share food, exercise, discuss the word of God, etc. I have been growing close to God and learning so much about His word this last couple months. I pray that you open that opportunity up for Wilshaw here in Dallas and for when I return.

     I lift up Haiti now. Lord, only You know what is going to happen in these elections and in general. I pray hard against the use of violence to prove their points and get their way. I pray for all the innocent people who have to suffer because of a couple people causing violence. I understand the frustration (as much as I can for it not being my country) because the people have been lead by very corrupt presidents in the past that have not attempted to help them. And the situation since the earthquake has not really improved- now they also tackle cholera. It's sad that violence seems to be the only way they know how to show their anger and frustration over it. All the roads, shops, and airports are shut down. So now most people cannot work and therefore won't have necessary money for food and clean water. And aid organizations will start pulling out if the violence gets bad so then there won't be much needed medical care, especially for the cholera outbreak.

     So I pray that God's truth and gospel be heard among the turmoil. Without a change of heart and change of masters (God over sin), then not much will really change in Haiti. I lift up the true followers of Christ in Haiti as they suffer because of their fellow man's corrupt ways and as they preserve in the truth. May they find refuge and peace in Your promises. They will one day suffer no more, but live in eternity with You. I have met so many wonderful Haitians- to numerous to name them all.

     Lord, You know my heart and my desires, but I will trust that things will go according to Your will in terms of when I will go back to Haiti and a future job back in America when I return. I will be excited to come back to America, but right now I feel slightly unsettled here because I feel that God is not finished with me yet in Haiti. But I should gladly receive the blessing of time here that God has given to me. I should rejoice and be glad in it, for each day is a gift.

13/12/10 (1721)

     How grateful I am for this day. Through the temptations and the joys. I thank You for the Holy Spirit's guidance and Your word to study. It's so great to study history. And to see the examples of men who claimed to be Your children in godly and ungodly moments. We are also called to be the light & salt to this generation. I pray that I serve God in my words, actions, thoughts, & behaviors. Guide me to make my talk about Haiti this Sunday to reflect Your work through me in Haiti. May I take none of the glory.

     I've been picking up things for our kitchen in Haiti, gifts for Gamide, and pictures for some patients & friends in Haiti. I'm so excited to give the little gifts out. People carry a few pictures, but it's hard to come by pictures in Haiti so I'm so excited to give out these pictures! But whew- it's different being back in the consumerism culture and driving! It's scary getting on these highways in Dallas because people drive super fast and expect you to force yourself on instead of making it clear that they're letting you on.

     Well, it's time to practice my Kreyol and make lasagna.


14/12/10 (1212)

     How excellent is God's name and truth. How we might fill our lives with temporary things that make us feel "good" or happy, but how short-lived they are compared to eternity with God in Heaven. Where there is true joy, peace, and love; and no more mourning, pain, or death. The reason You gave us the prophecy in the bible is to foretell us of what is yet to come so we can prepare ourselves. The devil knows Christ's return is coming, so he's fighting hard until his doom to bring as many souls into misery and final death with Him. It aches me to know so many people who don't believe or accept the truth. I hope to be a good friend to them in sharing the gospel, not just in words, but in action.

     Lord, that is why no matter how many things are on my "to do list," I cannot compromise my time with You. I can cut out other unnecessary things. In bible study today, I read about Absalom's revolt. The theme taken from it was often things are not what they seem. For example, a smile covers an aching heart. As God's light & salt on this earth, I need to be open & sensitive in order to look beyond appearances in order to see people and situations for what they really are. This can be difficult because it takes time & effort to be a good friend as well as emotional energy in bearing in others burdens. Sacrificing ourselves to help (people other than family & friends) is against our fleshly nature a lot of times so it can be tough! But even with family it can be hard at times.

15/12/10 (1143)

     Wow! The more I study God's word, the more I love God and have a better understanding of this world & my life. There are so many ways people try to disprove the gospel, but the truth will be made known one day in visible view to everyone. Help me to guard what I watch and read. Grant me understanding of what people believe so that I can relate to them and know the best way to share the gospel.

     Thank You for placing Jenny in my life. A Christian nurse who works at Children's hospital in Dallas as a clinical nurse educator. She volunteered at HAH for 1 week in November. She gave me a tour and then explained how best to apply to the ICU's or floors. Apparently to work in the ICU, it would best for me to have peds or ICU experience before. So the options are to go through an internship program (with classes & longer training) to prepare me for the ICU (it's for post-grads or people like me who did adult nursing & want to switch to peds) or to start on a Peds floor first. It would start in June if they discover a need for more ICU nurses. Jenny said she loves working there. So I'm not going to worry about it, I know God will provide something for me where I will be the most effective as a Christian nurse.

16/12/10 (1153)

     Gracious Father, I am so thankful & glad for this chance to visit my family. Allow me to be a blessing to them, and not use this week selfishly. I'm the one getting a 3-4 week break here so I should be serving them in anyway. I was glad for the 75 degree weather we had yesterday. Wilshaw and I got to eat outside and sit in the hot tub. Boy, did that feel good on the muscles. I've been having a great trip home- got some sleep on the first plane and did bible study on the second plane ride. I am almost finished with my photo album for Sondy, Gamide, Grace Orphanage, and Robenson's wedding. Excited to give them out!


17/12/10 (1021)

     It's so nice to see my family! And even though it's really cold, the snow is beautiful. But boy am I glad for a warm house. I get to spend the day with my Grandma and my Aunts.


18/12/10 (1006)

     I am grateful for this day of rest, service, & worship (well I should say week and a half of rest). Today, I will be helping my sister out with her school project. May I use today to serve my family with love and to honor my parents as God has asked us to do. It's been fun going on walks with my parents and Roxie. I stopped by to see Chris, Maria, & Greg. I love catching up with friends & family.

20/12/10 (1123)

     I am so glad that I go to see my loving church family yesterday and to share what I've been doing. I was so happy that my whole family came too. We all worked together on Mary's projects afterwards and had a wonderful meal. Grant Mary & I the nursing knowledge needed for these care plans (brings back my college days) and projects. But, Lord, I lift up a request to fend the devil off because he is really trying to distract me right now. And I like how Pastor Steve said, we, as Christians, can't say "I can't help myself" because we have the power of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit to fight it off. I want to think of what is holy, pure, & righteous.

22/12/10 (0847)

     How great and magnificent is God. You make the sunrise and set everyday, as well as our heartbeats & breaths. So no matter what is happening, I can still praise You and seek You. I thank You for yesterday to spend chatting with my Grandma, organizing my finances, and spending the evening with church friends. It was fun to see Joe and Alison; I haven't seen them in years! I exercised with Mr. Dixon in the morning. Last night my parents & I went to the Dixons for a game night and chatting. I love it when my family sits down together for meals or games.

     Well, time to begin this day. Lead me, O gentle Savior, so that in all that I have to do, I am still representing You and serving You. Not just doing busy work with a stressed attitude. There is no point to a "to do" list if I'm not glorifying You with it. Which reminds me I need to call my Grandma Fleur again because I felt like I was busy with other things when talking to her yesterday and didn't represent Christ in that instance.


23/12/10 (2331)

     I am so thankful for these 5 days to spend with Mike and Wilshaw. And for our family Christmas celebration last night with dinner and playing games around the fire. It is such a joy when I can just enjoy time with my family. As we get older and our schedules are different, you learn to cherish those special moments. Like doing errands with my dad in the morning and eating lunch with my mom at her work. Lord, continue to give me wise choices with my finances. Relying on donations gives me extra accountability and I pray that I use it wisely.

     Mike and I had fun traveling to Dallas. We explored the Chicago O'hara airport. It's like a museum in there! And they have one terminal that has a light show on the roof and relaxing music. I could have sat there for awhile and enjoyed that. Then we enjoyed a game of spit after dinner. I just love hanging out with Mike- the simplicity of having fun and chatting. Well, the flight is descending. I just realized I've probably ridden as many flights this past year than I have my whole life. Don't think I'd want a job where I had to fly all the time though.


24/12/10 (1146)

     Savior, as we look forward to celebrating Your birth, I pray that we truly reflect on ourselves and think of others above ourselves. I can see my spiritual growth as well as things I still need to change to grow.I don't want to be a lukewarm Christian. In revelation 3: 15-16, Jesus says "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you either one or the other! So because you are lukewarm- neither hot nor cold- I am about to spit you out of my mouth." I want to follow Christ no matter what the cost. I lift up the Christians in Iraq in other parts of the world that are being persecuted, even killed, for claiming faith in Jesus. May You give them hope and peace so that they will see the future life for believers. It gets me thinking, would I really openly claim to follow Christ if I could be beaten or killed for it? I hope I would.

25/12/10 (1600)

     Rejoice, Rejoice~ Emmanuel was born. We celebrate the miraculous birth of God's only son, Jesus today. It can be easily drowned out by the business of planning, cooking, services, shopping, decorating, etc. But to truly sit and contemplate on the miracle with each other and what the birth brought to us. Emmanuel, Savior, Redeemer, and Friend. There are so many wonderful ways to describe Jesus.

     For me, having a year away from decorating and shopping/making gifts has been a good way to change it up. Don't get me wrong- I still enjoy those things & will be excited for them next year. Other traditions, such as having peanut butter kiss cookies on Christmas Eve, were a little different this year too. The 3 of us had dinner by candlelight and fire. We then sat by the fire and enjoyed its warmth. We had a little bible study and made s'mores. It felt nice to go to bed early. I thought we'd be up by 6am, but we slept until 8am.

     We had some delicious baked oatmeal before out way to service. I enjoyed hearing Your story and promises. You are not distant, uncaring, fickle, or angry God (using that term as a God who just seeks to destroy us. Yes, you will judge us according to our works, but You desire us all to accept Christ's sacrifice in order that his blood will cover our sins and we can be saved). We went on a walking trail through downtown afterwards. We saw a couple people, but for the most part it was empty. It will be another wonderful evening to relax and enjoy each other's company.

     Lord, I am still a sinner in need of your grace. My thoughts are still sinful at times. And I think the devil knows what tactics to use to try to get me to sin. And I think he tries harder when you are growing closer to God. But I know he's been defeated, so I pray for You to guard my mouth, mind, and soul. Help me not to make any haste decisions in sin. Help me remember I representing You every moment. I think of the girl at LCOG who wants to be a missionary when she's an adult so she looks up to what I am doing. And having the financial accountability really makes me have to not take my decisions, thoughts, & behaviors lightly. People know I call myself a Christian and they are watching. It's good though because accountability helps keeps us on tract (and get back on tract if you veer off the path) and can help you stay focused knowing others are watching. If I keep my thoughts on You and take the necessary precautions to avoid things that lead me to temptation, I can stay on the righteous path and Honor You. Thank You for Your Son, Jesus, to take away my sins when I don't do that.


28/12/10 (1130)

     I am having such a fabulous time with Mike and Wilshaw- cooking together, building fires, rock climbing, seeing the Chronicles of Narnia movie, making cookies, chatting, sitting in the hot tub, and going on walks. All 3 of us getting together won't happen as often as I'd like, so I like to cherish these moments.

29/12/10 (1548)

     Even though I've had a great time visiting friends & family, I am ready to go back to Haiti on Sunday. I've gotten more than enough time to rest, spend time with friends & family (well I can always have more of that), & shop for some food to take back. I've gained back the 10-12 pounds I've lost, which I wanted too. But it's just funny how 1 month in America will do that to ya again. And I'm not exercising any different here- so it's definitely the diet! Now, I just need to prep myself for the cold showers, mosquitoes, and rice & beans!! But the team coming back has had lots of time to refresh & rejuvenate. Because of the presidential elections still up in the air, they are not taking any short term volunteers at the Adventist Hospital. So it will be the Lindsay's, the Dietrich's, Marc, Brian, Sarah, & I. We have had good teamwork in the past, so I pray that we will continue to work together as a team to serve our God. Give us the strength, courage, & wisdom to do Your will at Hopital Adventiste d' Haiti in this new year, 2011.

Week 14

6/12/10 (1335)

There is a lot going on today, but that is no reason to not take time out to spend with God. Help me to stay calm and composed today even though I'm tired and anxious for a break. Little things are annoying me, so I need to seek God to respond in the right manner as well as not to take things personal.

Yesterday the doctors did a couple surgeries and then organized supplies. I just asked them the questions I had on the patients and we saved all the wound vac changes for today. So it was nice because I could get other things done. I spoke to Mrs. Stevens (Wilshaw's mom), Sister Clemons, Wilshaw, and my family! And then we celebrated Audra's last day with a wonderful dinner.

Unfortunately I cannot go the D.R. right now because the border is unstable. They still wanted me to leave the country (because they could get in legal trouble for letting me work more than 3 months without a visa) and this pilot, Joe, happened to have an extra seat on his 6-seater airplane. Apparently his missionary since 1976 has been flying this plane around the world, but mostly stations in Haiti, after disasters to deliver water purification system and share the gospel. And then Wilshaw offered to fly me to Dallas. So I'm going to stay until Sunday morning. It will be so nice to see him and meet everyone in Dallas. I'll get to see what my next location will be like. And get my fingerprints done!!

I really didn't want to go back to the US. until February at first (because of culture shock), but the flight is free for me and it will be nice to have the break. I know it's only been 3 months, but I'm ready for a tiny break. Amy & I were talking about how it really breaks your heart to see and hear all the sad stories, but after while the "gimmie" attitude (it's not everyone but it's enough that it starts to wear on) and the "rat-race" environment starts to burn you out. We were trying to figure out if we're becoming desensitized or losing compassion. I'm not sure, but I don't want it too because there truly is great need here and there are situations people are in not because of their own doing. I just want to approach it in the right manner because I don't feel like handing money out to people is the solution. I think the biggest problem really is that we live and work in the same place more than people begging- because I ran across lots of people begging in Pittsburgh. So we never feel like we leave work sometimes- I guess it teaches you that your work is your ministry! I feel a little guilty that I get to get away from the craziness here and most Haitians never will. I guess I need to be extra thankful.

So I pray for God to always grant me compassion and to bear with my fellow brothers & sisters in their sufferings. Guide me to know the right thing to do in each situation. Because You clearly place certain people in our paths at certain times because You have something You want us to do for them. Let me not brush those people off in my haste, discomfort, weariness, or any other excuse.

The election results are supposed to come out tonight. Not sure what will happen, but I pray that You will protect Your children. I pray for a revolution in Haiti. It's funny because I did come to Haiti nervous (the U.S. Embassy really tries to scare you) and now I realized I'm more relaxed. Of course there is a lot of bad things that happen (and things really could get very violent with the elections), but I have learned how to play it smart in Haiti and they are doing everything to keep us safe during the elections. But unfortunately it isn't a good spot for tourists. Which is shame because it has beautiful beaches and it could be a good source of income for Haitians. But without being with a trusted organization or trusted Haitians, it really isn't the safest to travel in Haiti. I want to buy Haitian artwork as gifts to support them.

I was so sad to see Audra go this morning. She is such a wonderful doctor. Marc & the doctors have decided the NICU needs to be shut down for now because the nurses are not able (or they just are not) taking care of the babies properly and there is no pediatric doctor on call every night. Audra did a great job but I know it was frustrating for her at times when nurses and the lab didn't do what they were supposed to do. For example, the pharmacy didn't have the anti-seizure medicine overnight, so instead of calling the doctor to see what else they could do, the nurses just would not do anything. And then the next morning Audra would find the babies seizing. And the lab wouldn't draw the labs when she polietly asked, but would get upset when she asked them about it. So it's good that they have hired Marc to organize a program for continuing education for the nurses. Don't get me wrong, there are some amazing nurses here. But in general, I don't know if it's lack of knowledge or care that sometimes follow-up care isn't the best.

But anyway, lol, that's just a couple frustrations. All in all, I am very glad to be here. I am sad that Sondy won't be here much longer after I return, but he needs to return to school. The clinic is very crowded today with having 3 ortho surgeons and a ortho resident. Scott Nelson, the peds ortho surgeon, is back for 2 weeks so a lot of patients came to see him. He was the one here for 6 months post quake. It's a good group though because they know the hospital but are going by what we do now. And they seem respectful. So even though it's busy, it's not bad.

It was fun last night listening to Spanish. There are 2 volunteers from the D.R. I actually can understand more than I thought I would. I think being forced to use another language here is improving my language skill ability. I do love spanish, but my speaking skills are rusty. Well, that's all on my mind (I know it's a lot)

7/12/10 (1830)

Something is so joyful about discovering/understanding more of God's truth. Sometimes I give up on trying to understand because it's hard and it's time consuming. But if I am going to make God number one in my life, then how else can I get to know You and Your truth. For me, prophecy is one of the hardest and most challenging things to comprehend. I'm glad for the guides to help me along, but You granting me understanding is what I need. Not so I can be puffed up with prideful knowledge, but so I know what's coming and how to prepare. It's like the Israelite's misinterpreted or did not study the prophecies that were describing Jesus, and then they missed who Jesus really was. I don't want to do the same thing about the prophecy You have given us about the future.

Now, I like this question posed: Do I make decisions based on passions & emotions or logic, reason, rational thinking. Or both. I like the example of David in 1 Samuel 26:5-11 versus 2 Samuel 11. What a drastic change in him. Power and authority lead him astray. What might be leading me astray: Seeking friendships (even Christian friendships) and filling my time with business over seeking God first. Those are the main two. I think God gave us passion and emotions because he didn't want to create robots. Now we can feel joy, excitement, happiness as well as sadness, disappointment, anger, and anxiety. Even though it's hard to deal with the latter group at times, it's better than not having any emotion. And our passions can help us to be productive and make a change. So it's up to us if we choose to be lead moment by moment by the Holy Spirit or not. So that answers the above question for me. Unfortunately too often than I like to admit I don't seek the Spirit in difficult or good times so I make decisions based on my emotions and my logic/reason  without seeking God. I can't change the past, but seek to do better everday.

I had such a great bible study and a wonderful flight from Haiti to Fort Pierce, Florida today with a wonderful Christian pilot. I am starting my vacation days off wonderful. I woke up at 5am and left for the airport at 6:30 and somehow we got there by 7:15. The traffic is not that bad at 6am, so now I know when to travel in PaP.

Joe Hurston is such a joyful Christian man who uses many ways to minister. He is a pilot and founded, Air Mobile Relief Mission (http://dieunika.blogspot.com), which has one 6-seater airplane named Ti Bourik (Little Donkey in Kreyol). It flies all around the world to deliver water purification systems to areas after disasters and shares the gospel. He's been a pilot for 30 years and he's an excellent one. They have mostly been working in Haiti since 1976, so he speaks Kreyol. He knew the Hodges (the doctor who founded Good Samaritan's hospital in Limbe, where I spent 2 weeks). I guess the Lopital Adventiste has taken care of Joe's wife many times, so he is fond of it Amy told me. So he stopped by for a visit on Sunday and told Nathan he had an extra seat. So instead of going to the D.R., they decided to send me to Florida. Joe doesn't charge anyone that he takes on the flight (he said his pride doesn't let him), so I'd like to donate to his missionary when I start making money again.

So it was a a friend of Joe's son, 2 Haitian air-traffic control men, and myself besides Joe on the little plane. We started the flight with prayer. Joe did everything to make us comfortable. There was a lot of wind, so he had to fly lower and make a pit stop at Exuma Island in the Bahamas to refuel. So now I can say I've been in the Bahamas. He knew almost everyone there because he's been doing that since 1976. We flew along the Bahamas and I had no idea it was really that long! The color of the water was prettier than I can describe it. As well as the sky line. It never ceases to amaze me, and to think Heaven is going to be even better.

Flying over Haiti I was able to recognize some things from the air. The one Haitian, Junior, was laughing because he said "I think you know the landscape of Haiti better than me." Probably not, but I somehow have traveled to many parts of Haiti (didn't even plan on it).

Then when we got out of the airplane in Florida, my body also went into shock with the 55 degree weather. I had goosebumps all over, lol. You have to understand I haven't felt weather below 75 degrees (except for my shower) in 6 months. And I don't have any warm clothes so I had a summer skirt and sandles. I'll have to make a pit stop at goodwill for a pair of warm pants.

So I thought I would have more culture shock but I actually didn't. As much as I'm enjoying my time in Haiti, it's always nice to go home (or be around friends & family). I got out before the election results were released, so I pray for that situation. I learned that the area I'm living in PaP is the 2nd worse (poverty striken) area in PaP to Cite Soliel (Cite Soliel is the most poverty striken and dangerous spot in the Western Hemisphere. Used to be in the world at one point, but I think the middle east & other places have it beat now). So I guess that helps explains some things. I didn't know that.

Apparently a lot of families will try everything, like seeing the witch doctor, before coming to the hospital. So the patient, esp. the babies, are very bad off when they get here since they don't come here first. But apparently the Haitians like to sue (or whatever term they use) if the baby dies because they blame it on the last medicine that was given. So sometimes the Haitian doctors are slow to start aggressive treatment because if the baby dies without treatment, then they can't be blamed (so unfortunate that it's like that because of that). These babies chances of survival even with aggressive treatment is so-so here, so I guess they have to make that call of who to try to treat aggressively. Apparently they don't blame the foreigners for their babies dying though (even though they're doing almost the same thing the Haitian MD's would do).

Oh, and another random story is that apparently patients were throwing trash in the cholera toilets, so the machine wouldn't collect the stool. So now someone has to manually (by hand), go in and remove the trash from the cholera stool. So glad that's not going to be me.

Oh, I forgot to mention that Joe also drove me to the airport. We got in 2 hours later than planned, so he was going 85 mph down the highway. We got there at 3:40 pm and my flight was at 4:35pm. Luckily I didn't have to check any bags, but the security line was super long! But I tried to be patient and figure God would work it out even if I missed the flight (since he's worked out everything else). I got to the terminal at 4:12 and they were just finishing unloading the previous flight. I made it in time and had time to get lunch. I'm so excited to see Wilshaw. I think sometimes last minute plans make it super exciting because it wasn't something you were expecting. Although it's not good practice to follow because the flights cost a lot more the day before. I found a ticket from Miami to PaP (for when I return) for $180, but I had to wait for Nathan's approval since Loma Linda University would be paying for it. Well, by the way we bought it about 2 or 3 hours later, it cost $260. Crazy! So God, I know that's a lot of money and there are people who don't have enough money for clean water and food in Haiti. So I need to be humble and thankful that I get this opportunity.

Well, the flight is descending! Yea!! Also, I just thought of paved roads. Hallelujah- what a difference that makes!

9/12/10 (1130)

I am so thankful for this morning to sleep in, study Your word, relax, and play with Pepper (Wilshaw's cousin's dog). Nicky and Ian (Wilshaw's cousin), house is gorgeous and I'm very thankful they've allowed me to stay here. I'm not used to the cold so I'm here very cold even though it's really not that cold compared to Pennsylvania.

I think being in Haiti that God is teaching me how to balance my viewpoint, not be so cynical towards America, and not to judge those who choose to live in luxury. While I still think that living in excess comfort can be dangerous spiritually, I realized that most people (including Haitians), would choose to seek that first over helping their fellow brothers (as we can see the rich Haitians don't do much for their fellow countrymen that are suffering). And a lot of greed, corruption, etc is everywhere (I guess in my mind I thought America was the worst...but sin is the same everywhere, unfortunately. It just comes out in different ways in different places, but Jesus is the same solution for everyone and everywhere). So I'm not saying it's right no matter where you live, but it's helping me not to be judgmental because God is the judge, not us. He said the way we judge is the way we will be judged by Him. So I'll leave the judging up to Him. And I can't feel guilty about where I come from, but just try not to live above my means/needs.

Right now, in Haiti they are protesting because Jude Celestin was one of the top 2 presidential candidates from Nov. 28th election. There were 19 candidates and for one person to win this election, they needed to get more than 50% of the votes. Since no one did, they take the top 2 winners and vote between them in January. The person with the highest votes was Mirlande Manigat, and then Jude Celestin. And then less than 1% behind Jude Celestin was Michel Martelly. Well the riots are mainly Jude Celestin supporters and Michel Martelly supporters because it's believed that Jude Celesti rigged the results into winning (well, I believe it because one of the translators told me he was offered money to vote for Jude). Jude Celestin is engaged to the current president's, Rene Preval, daughter. So of course that is a little suspicious. So that's why people are so upset and protesting. Also if Celestin won he wouldn't do anything different than the current president is doing (which isn't much to help & make changes). I don't like to get involved with politics, but whoever wins this one will make a big difference for Haiti during this recovering phase. All in all, I pray that people truly turn to You instead of voo-doo and other things.

In contrast, I am relaxing comfortably in a fancy and expensive house. I'm not judging their choose, but I know this isn't for me. I think being away from the comfort I'm used to and undergoing various trials has lead me to grow closer to God. My friend Lindsay asked me how my walk with God was and she told me she always feels closer to God overseas because (paraphrased) in those times when you are not living comfortably and undergoing trials, we are often closest to God. But it's a hard concept. I don't think everyone has to live in another country necessarily for that to happen, but I think undergoing trials really does make us grow closer to God if we seek Him.

Tuesday night, Wilshaw took me for Mexican food. Double yum! And then Wednesday I went to his work. His co-workers are nice and fun to be around. We had breakfast and lunch together. They ordered Pad Thai. So I've had my fill- Mexican and Thai food. I met Dr. Rathjen again (one of the top specialty pediatric orthopedic surgeons I worked with in Haiti for a week). Apparently when Wilshaw emailed him to tell him I was coming, he emailed back within an hour and said to have me come visit him. He said I helped him out a lot. I don't necessary remember what I did for his group (we get new groups every week), but I'm thankful that I was able to help them. He was asking if I applied for a job in the hospital yet. Well, I think I would get a job knowing him, but I'm not sure yet if I want to work in orthopedics. I'd like to get some ICU experience.

Wilshaw and I did some shopping errands, including my fingerprints, yea!! So nice to wear a pair of jeans. I haven't in 3 months. We rented the movie "babies" and enjoyed leftovers. It's nice to be around my best friend. The time will go fast though. I'm getting things done while he's working. I'm going to pick pictures out to print for some patients & Haitian friends, practice Kreyol, and read. I am glad for another day to relax. Lord, please be with my friends in Haiti.


10/12/10 (1137)

How excellent is God's name. How righteous and holy are His ways. How short I fall of His standards, so the greatest gift is grace through Jesus Christ. There is lots of deception in this world and how detrimental it can be to let down my guard. I always need to be on my toes and testing the things I read or hear. Lord, I am very bad at sharing with those around me what I am learning from You. May You give me the confidence to do this. And help Wilshaw & I to keep You in the center and us to be 2 sinners saved by Your grace at Your feet seeking Your truth. Work in our hearts and guide our conversations. I can see why marriage is supposed to help make you more like God if you allow it too. Being in a relationship brings out the best and worst in you and forces you to acknowledge the ugly sin because it affects that other person. You might be able to hide it better if you are single. And then to hopefully repent from it so your relationship can function better and we become more like Christ. Well, I'm not clearly an expert in this arena (since I'm not married), but it's something to think about since that might be what God has in store for me and Wilshaw in the future. Marriage will be worth it, but it's not something to take lightly that's for sure!

Help me Lord, not to be bossy, easily annoyed over silly things, and unintentionally tearing someone down (even though my intention was to help them change). That's an ugly side in me sometimes (Wilshaw knows, unfortunately it comes out in front of him sometimes). I think as humans we can often put a lot of pressure on each other over things that only God can fulfill in our life. It's hard at times because living as You desire us is going against the grain of culture. We need You to help us do that.

It was such a blessing to meet up with Dr. Mike, Anna, and Jenny at the Korean restaurant. I worked with the 3 of them the same week as Dr. Ranthjen. Dr. Mike is finishing up his fellowship at the Scottish Rite Hospital (that's where Wilshaw works if I didn't mention that before). They are Christians as well, and it was great talking to them. May You bless Mike and Anna's new move/ministry to Philadelphia next year. I am excited to know Jenny because she is a nurse that works at Children's.

So I was excited because I got the pictures printed for the patients, but then I got a call that the flights to PaP were canceled through Sunday. And then I couldn't get a flight back until Friday. I actually really wanted to get back by Monday (to hand out the pictures and say bye to those not returning), so I pray for a flight to open earlier. But I won't let it discourage me because all things work out for Your good, Lord. Well, at least I'll get more time here in Texas with Wilshaw. I will rejoice in each day!

Week 13

28/11/10 (0847)

It's a brand new week! I am thankful for the bible study books I have. Brian lent me a book on the end time delusions. I pray for wisdom and insight into this topic. There are a lot of false theories and misinterpretations. I am also glad for a wonderful nights rest on the roof. I never get tired of the beautiful sun, moon, stars, and sky that You have formed. It's like the song "O Lord my God, when I in awesome wonderful, consider all the worlds Thy hands have made." (How Great Thou Art).

I dawned on me that I'm going to feel so cooped up when I go home. I am used to buildings without windows and half walls. Everything is not enclosed so that you get a breeze since there is no A/C. And I'm sleeping on a hospital bed that is actually comfortable. I finally found a pillow! I was just using some clothes before.

I was laughing when I thought about when Phillip, one of the CBM (rehab techs), showed one of his patients a picture of another patient that was in worse off condition than that patient in order to motivate the patient to get moving and stop complaining. Lol, I wish I could use that technique back home, but that would definitely break HIPPA.

Well, it's time to start this election day.

29/11/10 (1355)

I enjoyed going around this morning with Sondy and Wendia to read bible verses to the patients in Kreyol (I had the kids read it because their pronunciation is better). It's a slow Monday because it's the day after the election and we still don't have an anesthesiologist and working C-arm. We did all the wound vac changes yesterday so there really isn't much medically to do today.

It is funny because everyone who voted has a black permanent mark on their thumb. Apparently that is their way of knowing if you voted already. Definitely makes it obvious who voted and who didn't. Can you imagine them doing that in America. I've only seen 2 people who have voted so far. A lot of people said they didn't bother voting because nothing would change anyway.

Last night I read my milk book and spoke to Marc for awhile. I am fighting a cold so I had to take it easy today. Unfortunately I passed my cold on to Sondy. So I gave him juice and oatmeal since I made him sick. We sat outside last night and chatted. I really love those 2 kids. I think I really like the ages 11 and 12. They're still somewhat innocent but old enough to be able to do more.

Lord, a good question to reflect on is what do my actions make people think. Do I represent You with my actions. Some times I think yes, sometimes no. And the difference is when am I living in the spirit and when I am not. It is good to keep in mind that actions speak louder than words.

30/11/10 (0721)

I can't believe it's the last day in November!! The time is flying. I'll be happy to see my friends and family in less than 3 months, but I will miss some things here. The friends I'm making and speaking Kreyol. As the Christmas season approaches and it doesn't feel like "normal" Christmas scene for me (It's 80-90 degrees, no Christmas songs, and no Christmas lights), it makes you realize what the real meaning of Christmas is for those who celebrate it as the birth of Christ. It's good to reflect on all that You did on this earth!

I like the idea that through us interceding in prayer for those unable or unwilling, that we learn compassion as we pray for them. And as we pray for those that may not like us, we are also able to bless someone who is cursing us when we allow the Spirit to lead us. Then God intercedes in situations that Satan had control of people. The example was Abigail interceding for her husband, who really didn't deserve it because he was lazy and a fool. So the same for us we are not interceding because we will gain something out of it or the because the person deserves it (in human terms). We didn't deserve Jesus to die on the cross for our sins, but God has so much compassion for us that He sent his sinless son Jesus to bear all our sins so that we may live eternally with Him. So I know I need to spend more time in prayer for others. In the morning, throughout the day, and at night. It's like the bible verse "Pray without ceasing." Prayer being communication with God. It keeps our thoughts, and thus our actions, on godly things.

I love the group of people here. There were 9 of us doing pilates in the hallway yesterday. So fun! And I love how we have been cooking and eating together. We had another slow day again today. So I had lots of time to sit down and practice Kreyol today.

4/12/10 (0811)

Wow, it's been awhile since I've written in my journal. I'm so glad that even though I didn't get a lot of sleep that I feel awake, refreshed, and joyful this Sabbath morning. It's enjoyable to be around others who keep the Sabbath too because it makes it a joy more than something that causes me to have to miss out on things. I was glad to go to divine service with Sondy again. I am glad for my bible lesson studies to provoke learning more about God and His truth. There is so much in the scriptures to learn! You can never be finished learning. And you truly can learn something new about verses every time.

There were so many thoughts I wanted to shared, but now I can't remember them all. One story was when some of the Haitian female cleaning staff pointed out my phone on the pocket near my breast. They said that's no good because it causes cancer. I just thought it was so generous and good that they have that idea. Oh...and I also decided that I don't like being in charge of other adults. I wouldn't want to be a manager or charge nurse. Yesterday I had to mention to Onaphee, one of the best nurses at the hospital, that this patient still needs the antibiotic (no one gave it the day before). It wasn't her working the day before but she still got defensive about it. It's hard because she's my friend and I wasn't trying to blame here. Just inform here that the patient still needed the antibiotic. Well, I know there were many more thoughts and observations but I can't think of them right now.

4/12/10 (2241)

Today was such a blessing even though I didn't get to get away from the hospital (it's been 1 month since I've gone anywhere except the Delimart). I was supposed to go to Stella's house but she forgot about something she had to do. After lunch today we listened to a sermon. Then Marc & I headed to our only "oasis" here, the roof, for a nap and reading. Sam's mom made us food for dinner. Delicious!! We ate on the roof and chatted for a couple hours on God. It was truly a blessing. I don't think I've really ever had this type of group- Marc, Brian, and Audra. We have grown close over a short period of time (since we are around each other 16/7....I took 8 hours off for sleep but even then we are around each other sometimes when we sleep on the roof). So we feel comfortable talking about more personal things and many topics of the bible. It is really helping me grow as a Christian and have accountability. We talked about many things- if ignorance is a good or bad thing (spiritually and in terms of what is happening in the world), drums/worship styles, our behavior affecting how others view us as Christians and ultimately how they then view God.

I have learned: 1) I need to be the thermometer, not the temperature when someone is upsetting me (keep my cool). 2) I need to share what I am learning with others. 3)I need to study the verses that confuse me for myself in depth until I feel like God gives me understanding. 4) I need to understand the concepts behind all the things we do/obey as a church (it's good to know why you do what you do. See where it is in scripture and the guidance of the Holy Spirit - even the little things. To see/resolve differences. Is it a matter of salvation or opinion/preference). 5) I need to allow the Holy Spirit to work in me over issues He may be trying to teach/convict me.

So I feel refreshed even though I did not get to leave. We are going somewhere next weekend, we've all decided. So after talking to Marc, I think I might be interested in being a PA (Physician Assistant). Apparently, you have to specialize as a Nurse Practitioner so if you wanted to switch specialties you would have to go back to 2 more years of school. As a PA, you can just do a fellowship for any specialty if you wanted to switch. I am still going to do floor nursing for a couple more years, but I know I can't do it my whole life (mostly because of the cliques and cattiness of the co-workers. Marc said it was like that in the ICU too).

I am glad that I have set up a routine here. Exercises M, W, F. Group bible study W, F. Kreyol lessons Tu, Thur. Cook and blog on Sunday. It's nice to have a little more structure. I never had structure back home because of my rotating work schedule. It's a little frustrating that I cannot just go to the market by myself now that I can ask how much it cost and I know the numbers and names of the fruits & vegetables. I feel bad asking Mac all the time because he does so much for us all. It's just the overcharge us way to much. There is no set price, so they charge you what they think you can afford. Being a blan automatically makes the price 2 or 3 times the normal. If you've dressed extra nice as a Haitian they charge you more too. I told Mac he needed to dress down when he goes shopping for us. For example, the lady at first wanted to charge us 10 Haitian dollar for 1 papaya (which his $1.20 USD) she brought it down to 8 HD ($1 USD), which is just ridiculous price for here. It's hard because I don't like supporting us getting completely ripped off. It's hard because I know the Haitians struggle day to day to just survive at times, but I don't think it means we should pay way more than it's worth just because we have more money. I like to support their businesses and economy. I dunno...I'm open for discussion about this. 

I really am enjoying the Dietrich's (the Ortho doctor and his wife). I didn't realize they were 65. They look and act a lot younger. They have a lot of energy and Dr. Dietrich how so much passion still for orthopedics. It inspires me to find the job I love so I can be most effective. And being here makes you realize how much opportunity we really do have in America. I know right now opportunities are more limited because of the economy and lots of people who can't find jobs, but in general we have way more opportunities, especially as women.

And variety of so much. Especially food- the first thing I want back in America is Mexican food! I've been craving a taco salad!! And variety in things to do for fun and things to learn.

Apparently voodoo was also made an official religion here. The current president practices voodoo. And I guess a lot of people who go to church services go just because of fear of voodoo. Apparently it affects even the Christians here and they have superstitions because of it. Apparently a lot of evil comes out of voodoo. We were talking about how much should you know about the secular culture and other religions of places you are ministering in. Marc said you don't want to know more about voodoo or you will have nightmares. I believe her on that one, but she also said if we have faith in God we have no reason to fear. We know He has won the battle over evil already. We were talking about how  for things to truly change in Haiti (and America too), it needs to be a change in the mindset of faith and trust in God. And turning away from idols and things like voodoo. Because Haiti didn't start falling apart after the earthquake. Unfortunately it has been falling apart for many years.

It's sad to see the children not get what they should deserve (clean water, food, education, etc). And I think it's hard for parents because some of them feel like their children would have a better opportunity of survival and opportunity in America so people have asked us as foreigners to adopt their children. My patient Jonas asked me if I wanted his 2 children. He felt that since he lost his leg he will not be able to support his family anymore. It does make you wonder why some people have to suffer more than others, but God we know You love all Your children equally and You want us all to join You eternally. So You make that opportunity equal for everyone. So no matter what situation we have to live in or endure here on earth, we all have the chance of living with You eternally in Heaven. We are called to bear with each other and help each other out on this earth. It will never be fair and perfect on this earth because of sin, but we can do our part to have compassion on each other and not to be selfish. The two great commands are "Love Thy God with all your heart, soul, and strength. And the second is to love thy neighbor as thyself."

We're sleeping on the roof again tonight. It's actually a little chilly. I'm like a Haitian now- thinking it's cold when it's 70 degrees. And I don't think it's rained in weeks. I'm so used to rain a couple times a week in Pittsburgh. Well, I know there were other stories I wanted to share, but I can't remember them anymore.

Week 12

21/11/10 (2330)

Whew, I have to start going to bed earlier! But I've had a refreshing weekend and I'm ready for another work week. We did rounds this morning- dressing changes and fixed antiobiotic orders. I was so happy that I got a breakfast from the kitchen today, Noodle soup! I took a nap, finally finished updating my blog, and typed up the census. I got pulled into a couple other medical things that needed done. One of the hospital workers ended up having seizures, but they were able to stop them.

And we had a 10-year old girl come in with a possible bone infection after an IO (intraosseous) IV was left in too long. An IO IV is started when the person is so dehydrated you cannot find a vein and the person needs fluid resusication (this girl had cholera earlier in the week). They said the cholera was over and she did not need special precautions, but the mom was still scared. I wish I could have comforted her more. Everyone was pouring bleach all around her bed after she had one bowel movement.

I got to speak with my family and I spent 45 minutes speaking to some of the patients in Kreyol. It was so fun! The guy was asking me to take him back to U.S and he would be my maid. I brought my computer and we listened to music. Sondy, the 12-year old boy who has been here since September, has a roomate again. And her mom stays there so now Sondy has a mom to take care of him again. I'll have to keep an extra eye on him now that Elinor is leaving tomorrow (she was pretty much being his mom). All the patients are going to miss her because they keep asking about her today.

I need to keep up with studying Kreyol every night. Things get busy and I don't do that! I forgot to mention we all cooked together last night and played a game. I enjoy the little family we have formed here. Even though things get a little crazy here at times, we are supportive of one another. I'm glad for that. We laugh and have fun all the time.

22/11/10 (1300)

I am so glad for a calmer monday! I am able to take time with patients and enjoy them. And to enjoy talking with the CBM crew (the physical therapy group). And Jessica is working with me to teach me the ropes because she leaves in December before Christmas. I'm possibly thinking of staying 3 extra months here if there would be a need for me and I had the funds to do it. I'd like to have more time to learn the language. But in due time God will show me if that is what He wants.

I love all the long term patients. It's nice to get to know your patients and interact with them for awhile. As well as see their progress. Metelo walked down the hallway for the first time today in one month. I was so happy to see that and I had to get a picture! Well, time to head to work.

23/11/10 (2310)

Our heavenly Father is the most perfect Father that any of us can ask for. Even though my parents are not perfect (because no one is), I feel fortunate to have loving, nonabusive parents that often go above and beyond for me! And to have siblings that will be there for me if needed no matter our differences or if we haven't talked in awhile. I need to care for and honor my parents! As well as care for my siblings. There are many practical ways to do that and I need to implement them. Sometimes I get so busy here that I don't call or check up on them as much as I should.

Today was another relaxed day, although the hospital is overflowing with medical patients. There are 4 German patients with Dengue Fever. So we had to move Jonas, the AKA patient leaving tomorrow, out into the hallway to sleep on the cot tonight because we needed his room. We have other patients downstairs in the hallway too.

Dr. Dietrich and his wife are nice! He's willing to teach me things, he's calm, and takes his time with patietns. He's been working mostly with her in the clinic, but I told him to let me know if there is something he wants me to do. I had a patient, a 22 year old male, today who spoke English. It was nice to be able to fully communicate with him and at first I missed the aspect of being able to completely communicate with my patients. He had a bunch of abrasions on his face so I was cleaning them off (because he broke one wrist and the other forearm so he couldn't use his arms) and putting ointment on them. But then when I asked him if he wanted some on his lips (which were banged up), he said "No, but you can take care of that yourself." So I decided, I'm glad to have a 6-month break from fully understanding my patients, lol! Oh, and another time I overheard a Haitian male say to a translator (in English), "I like the way she walks" when I was walking towards them. The translator quickly and quietly said "Oh no, she's a Chrisitan." I'm super glad that's my reputation around here. Glad they know that and respect that.

The patients I really love talking to are the children...and females! We have 2 long term peds patients now- Sondy and Wendia. They are so adorable! I have fun sitting in their room and chatting. And I love it when Wendia plays with my hair! Tonight, I also visited with Jonas and his wife since he is leaving tomorrow. It's a good time to practice my Kreyol and connect with the patients. I cooked sphagetti tonight and shared some with nurse Onaphee.

I fit in a run with Audra and a Kreyol session with Mac. And I spoke with Wilshaw- wow it's been a good day! Audra is a 2^nd year pediatric resident doing a rotation here for one month. She is great! We ran outside of the compound at the Adventist University Campus- no problems, just lots of stares!

24/11/10 (0912)

Lord, I think the devil messes with our emotions to try to distract us! I think when I'm sleepy it's even worse. I think I'm still catching up from last week's craziness. We sent home 2 of our long term motorcycle accident patients, Jonas and Metelo. Sad, but happy to see them go. I changed my first wound vac today with Sondy. I think, I mean I know, he knew how to change it better than me! Kids are the best to learn on though- well if they don't have overbearing parents. But that's not a problem here. Parents here basically tell their kids to stop crying and let us to our thing. They know what we are doing is helping their kid even if we are causing temporary pain to get the kid better.

Today, my bible study was about taking 2^nd place. Even though I wouldn't say that I'm a very competitive person, it is hard to control the feelings of rejection, envy, and hate at times. I need to be close to You so that my self worth is from You and not what the world gives. Because the world won't always respect me or I won't always get what I think I deserve. So every moment of every day I need to actively seek You. You will give me my self worth and purpose.

I was just thinking of happy Sondy- how he has parents who really don't come visit him and when they do, they barely give him any money for food (I've been told his dad works a lot to support his wife). I don't know the reason why (I think it's a difficult/complicated family situation), but it's sad to see a 12-year old boy have no one to give him food and wash his clothes when he has parents that are alive and capable. The patients here get fed once a day here, but laundry is not done. We were talking last night and he told me his clothes were "sal", dirty. For a 12-year old boy to tell you his clothes are dirty, they are way beyond needing cleaning. And his sheets hadn't been changed in a long time. And if it wasn't for his previous roomate's parents feeding him, he would only be eating once a day. Yet despite all this, he is always happy. The only time I saw him sad was when he was left alone in his room on his birthday. He never complains of pain, only grate (itchiness!). Instead of crying or yelling when his leg hurts (when we change the wound vac), he just starts giggling. It's so cute.

I am so thankful for the wonderful support system I have back home. Their emails and words have touched me so much. I don't know all of their situations, but I lift them up to You. I praise You for all the wonderful people You have provided in my life.

26/11/10 (2310)

I had an excellent thanksgiving day! Sometimes I think it's thanksgiving days like these that make you realize all that you have and all the reasons you have to be thankful. We worked half a day and then we cooked. Well I guess I didn't really help cook, I went out shopping with Audra, Azaria, and Mac. The market was fun except they were trying to charge me to much, so we waited outside and had Mac buy the food for us. We had almost everything except a turkey (stuffing with veggie meat, mashed potatoes and gravy, string bean casserole, yams, cranberries). And it was great that it was all made with 3 hot pads and the prostetika oven (the oven used to mold prothesis legs). And it was just a blessing to sit down with a new formed family to say grace, sing a song of thanksgiving, and share a wonderful meal. I love how Dr. Dietrich will start a song after we pray. And Marc had put little thankful sayings on pieces of paper below the plates. It just felt like this thanksgiving meant so much more than usual because I wasn't expecting all of that. It was also my first day in 10 weeks that I didn't eat rice and beans. I realized what a priveledge it is to be able to eat a variety of foods. Rice and beans is the cheapest meal here in Haiti and some people have no other choice. I miss tacos and pad thai the most!

I got to speak to Jenny and see Manuelito on skype. I miss them and it was so exciting that he could count to ten in Spanish and English. I also got to say hello to my family and Grandma. Then, Audra and I worked on making the cherry pie while everyone else played games. That was fun just listening to music and talking with her. And making pie without all the tools necessary. Being here in Haiti has taught me to learn to make do when you don't have all that you think you need. The pie ended up being delicious!

Then, this morning Audra and I got up for a 5:30 am run and abd workout. It's nice running with her and then we could run off campus. We worked another half day. We don't have anesthesia this week so we couldn't do many surgeries. He did a few necessary ones with the Haitian anesthesiologist. The hospital is kind of split between the orthopedic service and everything else. The orthopedic service is all free, so that is why it has been run by volunteers. CURE is paying for all the orthopedic care. So if they need a Haitian anesthesiologist they have to pay them, so they only do that if it's urgent and we don't have a volunteer anesthesiologist. The hospital doesn't make any money off of the orthopedic patients, so they don't like if we take up too much room. Understable though because the hospital does need money to function. And of course the Haitian doctors are not going to work for free- they don't make the amount of money doctors do back home (of course I know they don't have as many students loans...but once those loans are paid off, doctors in America make a good amount more than experienced doctors here- even accounting for the difference in cost of living). We were told the Haitian General surgeon that comes here to do surgeries makes about the equivalent of $60 USD for each surgery that he does. And he has to travel a long way to get here to do a surgery so it's really not that much profit. They are in the process of trying to have enough money to hire him as a full time staff.

So the orthopedic census is low this week, but I'm not complaining because I needed a slower week. So this afternoon we went to the hotel nearby to eat, swim, and relax. I got a coke and plantans. Then I sat by the pool to practice my Kreyol. Mac found me a Kreyol dictionary for 35 goudes so that'd been nice to have.

On our way back home (around sunset), Audra needed to stop at the delimart. So Brian, Marc, and I waited outside. While we were waiting, a political parade started up down the middle of the street. Marc overheard the Haitian men behind us say "Let's get out of here because we don't want to be near the blancs." So Marc got Audra and we left. Marc said some Haitians don't like the NGO's (they think the NGO's are taking profit from Haiti or something along those lines), so any foreigner is a possible target during election time. People were driving extra crazy! But we arrived safely back home.

We cooked a delicious meal and I spoke to Wilshaw. I need to make a better effort to keep our relationship strong. It's hard at times because I try to do so much and sometimes I don't feel like I don't even do everything I wanted. But that's life no matter where you are! But, today, I made sure Sondy's clothes and sheets were washed. Then tonight I hung out with Sondy, Wendia, Andre, and Wendia's mom. They sang in French and prayed to start the sabbath. Then we just had fun talking. It was nice having the dictinoary because then we could look up words if I didn't understand.

27/11/10 (1450)

I am so thankful for God's grace and mercy. Whenever I stir away from Him, He always takes me back. I would be eternally condemend if not for Jesus sacrifice. I think what starts out as good intentions (being busy helping others, studying Kreyol, making time for Wilshaw and other friendships) keeps me occupied and pulls me away from much needed time with God to keep building a stronger relationship. I think sometimes I get tricked into thinking that I'm not serving God if I'm not helping others. But really in order to be a witness of God, I need to know God personally. So I shouldn't feel unfruitful for spending however long I need to understand His word better. For what I learn and meditate on will change me to be more like God so I can shine God's love to others. And nothing I do matters in the end if I do not know Jesus as a personal Savior and friend. I need to make a solid time to study deeper the scriptures, meditate on them, and spend more time in pray. Not as a ritual, but as a way to know God more and grow closer to Him.

I really appreciate all the other Christians here and the support they provide, but that I know that never replaces your own relationship with God. It's also nice to have Nathan, Brian, and Dr. Dietrich as male Christian leaders here. I really respect these brothers in Christ and all that they are teaching me. And seeing their close relationship with You and the time they give to studying Your word is a good leadership example I need. I really appreciate their leadership in bible study, prayers, talks, and decisions. I'm not against women being leaders too, but there is something right about having the males be the ultimate leaders and not having the women overpower the Godly lead men (God does ask the male to be the leader and I can see why...it works well that way if they are men seeking to follow God). But, let me tell you, the females here are teaching me so much too! Everyone is wonderful and we all add our spice to the pot!

It dawned on me today as I was sitting in the French/Kreyol service today with Sondy and Wendia, that they are the next generation of Haitians. I pray deeply for them because they are going to face lots of challenges in their lifetime. I pray that they will continue to choose Your path for them and they will be the salt and light to their country.

I was so glad they had a 20-30 minutes teaching session on cholera in between Sabbath school and divine service today. I could understand a fair amount, especially because they had a powerpoint presentation, and the information was detailed and good. I could understand some of the sermon, but not enough to get the main gist yet. In time, I will be able to hopefully. I am so glad that God is providing me the ability to learn the language.

So, now, I am just using this day to rest, study, and keep my thoughts on God. I know I always want to get out and do things, visit friends, etc, but sometimes it's good to take the time to study and grow. I am really enjoying this book on "love and respect." It's true as women, we don't realize how we say and do things can be very disrespectful towards our boyfriends or husbands. I'll admit to it! We don't mean it as disrespect most of the time (we usually mean it out of love because we know they need to change, etc) but it doesn't make it right.

Well, it's time to pray! I have lots of praises and prayer requests in Jesus name!

Week 11

14/11/10 (2230)

I'm so glad that I was able to catch with with my family, Wilshaw, Emmy, and my Grandma today. And that I could squeeze in grocery shopping between working. Unfortunately I didn't get to buy my zabouka (avocado) because she was trying to charge me way too much.

This group is on top of what they want to do, which is good, but they are a little overbearing and want to do things their way instead of the way things run now in this hospital. They were here months ago when things were different so they think they know. Except the ortho attending is fine because he has not been here before so he's willing to do it however we ask this time. So it's hard because I am younger than all of them so I don't think they respect me as much. But I am trying to be assertive when I know I really need too. And I can't take anything personal. Just try to keep things running smoothly. Jessica and Elinor left to help in a cholera center so it's just me this week. Well I can barely keep my eyes open, so it's time for bed.

15/11/10 (1325)

How good it is to take a mid afternoon break to sit before God's feet and study. And it dawns on me every once in awhile how beautiful the view from here is. I might be getting frustrated at times with the surgery team, but I have to keep in mind that they are doing lots of needed surgeries and clinic. And then they leave on friday. I feel bad but the lack of respect for me is frustrating. I don't know why so many American health care providers feel the need to show off and belittle others. What every happened to teamwork and just donig your job? Don't get me wrong, it's not everyone but enough to make me feel like I'm working back in America. I've been enjoying the more relaxed Haitian work atmosphere. And not so much competition.

But, Lord, I'm keeping in mind there have been thousands of people dying of cholera and I'm healthy. So I should have nothing but praises. Please be with those sick people and health care providers. And work in me so that I can be a display of Your love. Help me not to feel powerless or overwelmed. Help me to think of others first and not let my perception and emotions rule my behavior. I lift all this up in Jesus name.

16/11/10 (1353)

Taking a break from the busyiness of the day and coming before God is the most peaceful part of the day. It helps me to recollect myself- the good, bad, and the ugly. Today I am handling things much better. There is so much to do! Patient care, charge nurse, and other random things. I guess nursing in any capacity is busy and you have 20 things on your mind at one time. May I see the big picture and minor details in the right proportion. May I balance it correctly.

So how am I feeling now: Physically and mentally exhausted. I'm confused as to why some Americans come to a country of great need and complain because there is not everything we have at home and degrade the workers of that country. I'm disappointed I can't go to Limbe this weekend to see my friends again (because of the riots in Cap Haitian and Limbe), but all things go together according to God's will so no need to fret. Limbe was mentioned in the news as having riots, so I wondered what would have happened if I would have stayed there. It's a small countryside town, but I think it's very political.

Apparently the rumor is that the Nepalene U.N. Brought the cholera so they are attacking them in Cap Haitian. They apparently beheaded some type of politician as well. I guess they are attacking foreigners in general too. Riots, burning things, blocking roads, etc so everything had to be shut down and foreigners cannot safely leave their houses.

I guess at our hospital there was a young man (25) brought in basically dead from cholera yesterday. They tried to resuscitate him, but were unsuccessful. After he died, the family left without taking the body. So I guess the Haitian doctors dug a hole in the cementry to bury him. When they drove again to put the body in, people started stoning them so they had to leave and bring the body back. People are upset that there are cholera centers in their areas so they are burning tires in front of them and causing chaos when people try to bury the dead. The WHO said they cannot take the body we currently still have because they are running into the same problem. So they're not sure what to do with all the bodies.

So myths and misinformation of cholera has lead to frustrated and scared people who don't know how to react. So I pray for all the providers who are trying to spread the truth about cholera, the treatment, and prevention. I feel fine here- just taking prevention precautions. And have extra water on hand in case any craziness starts up.

17/11/10 (1641)

There may be a lot of violence, overwelming, and frustrating situations all around us but we can still sing praises. I am still managing and trying to connect with the team. We're not sure when the doctor is going to be able to come in because his wife dislocated her shoulder. So there might be a couple days without an orthopedic surgeon, so the doctors are trying to prepare me to be able to take care of the patients here. Of course, there are Haitian doctors we can call on if need be. I would never do anything I don't have training in or don't know.

I'm trying to think of stories- I'm been so busy I haven't had time to journal, talk to Wilshaw, learn more Kreyol. Whew- I almost feel bad for saying it but I am kind of looking forward to a couple days without surgeries. I think I got a little discouraged after the one doctor said before I speak Kreyol I need to practice my pronunication. I know he was just trying to be helpful but I took it personal.

My patient Metelo is still here- slowly improving but unfortunately developing complications- UTI, pnemonia, and pressure ulcer. He is the patient who came in unstable 3 weeks ago with an open book pelvic fracture and femur fracture. The femur fracture is fixed, but he needs the ex-fix on the pelvis for at least 6 weeks. So we are doing everything to him because he is such a high risk for complications- he already has 3 and we can't afford a clot (They can't do heparin drips here)!! It's exciting because I feel like I've been there through his whole case and we have been taking good care of him- despite his complications. We have been turning him and practicing deep breathing but he probably wasn't doing it on his own. And I've connected with his family and they know my name! I love that. His son looks just like him.

It still surprises me how much the family does without complaining. Bathing, pin care, turning and repositioning, feeding, changing the linen, etc. It was so crazy the one day I was in the room with Metelo when the family was changing the linen. Instead of having him roll side to side to change the sheet, there was 5 or 6 of them and they literally lifted the patient off the bed and switched the sheet. Well, that's one way to do it! Someone is basically always with the patient. Unfortunately it breaks my heart that someone is not always with Sondy, our 12 year old boy that has been here 2 months. He has a mom and a dad but they rarely come.

I like making friends with the nurses and nursing students. It's been busy this week so I haven't been able to interact with them as much. I hope I'm not missing out on any witnessing opportunities because of busyiness.

I've been doing the cooking this week since Marc cooked for us last week. Not sure what I have to make tonight! I'm glad to have Marc and Brian for spiritual accountability partners. To keep our goal and mission focused on Christ.

It's so nice outisde- like in the 80's with the sun setting. It's crazy to imagine it's cold in PA!

19/11/10 (2300)

I think I say this almost every week, but I am grateful for this sabbath day. It was a challenging week for me and mentally exhausting so I'm glad to have a day away from it all. It's not the patients- I like them all but I just need a day break not to have to worry about anything. Mostly the exhaustion is from being placed in a role I haven't been in before and working with people who didn't always respect me. But it did get better as the week went along. I know the short term medical people paid a lot of money to be here and they brought a lot of knowledge and skills. So I'm thankful for that! It was just the approach. It's hard for the Haitians when every short term team comes in and changes things around because they can't get established. And the other bad thing is them questioning the Haitian doctors orders- I don't know why people think the Haitian doctors are less qualified. They may not have the capacity to do all that we do, but they definitly are just as skilled and knowledgeable.

But, I hope all in all that I represented Christ this week. The plastic's resident removed my mole this week so that was a blessing! So we do have an orthopedic surgeon come today. We found out late thursday night that he was coming in still on Friday. His name is Terry Dietrich. He will be here for one year. Him and his wife seem nice! I explained all the patients in detail.

I enjoyed the slow rounds with CPM (our therapy group) this morning so I had time to actually look at the patient's chart. We didn't have a doctor all day so I just made sure everything was being done that needed done. And I took the time to assess all the patients, remove Metelo's sutures (which were probably on too long and hard to remove because they were crusted over with drainage from the pin sites), dressing changes, and being sure antibiotics were being given. It's exciting to see the progress the patient's are making- especially the 3 motorcycle accident patient's who came in to our hospital in bad shape.

I ended the day with walking Sondy and watching the sunset outside. We spoke in Kreyol and even some of the translators came over. It is fun listening and speaking Kreyol. Even though I can't understand it all, it's exciting when I can! Lord, I lift up the sexual immortality though going on. May the original intent of sex before restored. I was overjoyed to hear the one male translator tell me he is waiting until marriage to have sex. I know there are not many men like him so I really encouraged to stay strong in that mindset and read proverbs! Because I know it's not always easy for him.

It was cute today because we have 3 health care professionals from France. So the one lady was trying to ask me questions but she only speaks a little English. So she was telling the Haitian nurse in French and the Haitian nurse was translating it to me in Kreyol. I felt reencouraged in my Kreyol effort today. Especially when one of the Haitian doctors overheard our conversation and told me I speak Kreyol well for being here 2 months. I love this Haitian nurse, Onphee. She is trying to learn English and she's just fun to talk too. As well as she's an excellent nurse. I try to interact with all the Haitian nurses, but I'm terrible at names.

Then the evening wrapped up with bible study and sky gazing on the roof. The moon is super bright tongiht and it was neat to watch it go in and out of the clouds. And the temperature is just right! I love this analogy brought up by Brian: God is like the sun and we His children are like the moon. The moon reflects the light from the sun, as we should reflect God's light. But sometimes our light is covered by clouds.

Tonight we are sleeping on the roof. Because the generator and occassional smog smell, it is very peaceful outside right now. But even though it was a stressful and frustrating week for me, I'm sitting here thinking of so many people who have it much worse off than me. Metelo's wife died today. Sondy has no one to fed him (and he's only 12 years old). All the amputees and people with health problems. All these people sick and dying of cholera. All the unrest and riots. Sometimes I feel like I did not do all that I could or wanted, but the day's just go by so fast! So I need to make the most out of every interaction with each patient. I need to see them as a whole and not let the busyiness of everything get in the way of that.

Well, I'm thankful to have the whole crew back. We are now an official cholera center. I'm hoping the gate is finished before the elections. Well, I'm exhausted! Night night!