9 February- 6 March 2011

10 February 2011 (0710)

Sunday was a wonderful day! I went to nurse Ophree's house. It was a nicer house with running water and a loving family. Her 2 sisters, brother, cousin, and brother-in-law lived there. Her sister has an adorable 4-month old baby boy. We cooked, played with the baby, Orphee did her laundry (and I watched how they do it by hand), and talked. I just bring my dictionary to help facilitate any words I don't know. What is so amazing is how hospitable and giving people are who have less than me versus Americans who have way more. Granted all of her family seemed to have well-off jobs, I know the nurses make equivalent to about $125 USD per month at this hospital. Orphee refused to let me pay for anything (the tap-tap ride, food, etc) even though I'm the one who asked to visit her. When I got there she gave me a different outfit and shoes to cook in. All of her siblings spoke a little English. And her house had a beautiful view of the ocean.

And then when I got home, everyone was heading out to watch the superbowel. So we stuffed 8 people into a 5-seater car to drive up to Penionville (where all the rich people live). It was a 1-hour crazy drive with Sam. But, we got there and back. I mostly was just updating my blog, especially since they couldn't get the superbowel until the very end. They had blocked in over the satellite, but finally they figured out they could get in on the local TV, go figure haha! Some carnival things were going on that night, so the streets were packed at 10pm.

This work week has been a nice relaxed pace because there has been no anesthesia. Dr. Terry left yesterday for 2.5 weeks and the next ortho doctor comes tonight. We have only 2 patients here- one car accident with femur fracture and another women who had her femur rod replaced. She needs blood today, but that's about it. It will be a good day to catch up on random things.

I've been staying over at one of our younger female Haitian doctors house, Spendie. Her younger brother and sister live there too. Their mom lives in the states, so she keeps an eye on them (one is 18, the other 22). I have to say, the way people have respect for their parents & older siblings is nice. It just keeps things functioning better. We have lost that in many American  families. Spendie said she knows it's harder on her young siblings to not have their mom, but she's trying her best to get them through school and find a decent job. Again, the hospitality she provided me you would have thought I was someone important lol. She gave me a scarf she bought for herself, food to eat and to take home, and a pillow to sit on the chair. It's fun to get away from the hospital and get to know her. Their house also has running water and electricity (when the government puts it on). It's got a quaint courtyard. I've been enjoying doing bible study, prayers, and hymns together with them every morning and night. They all have bed frames with huge pieces of foam for the mattress that are comfy. She can now afford to pay a lady to come clean and cook in the morning she told me, which helps her out working full time as a doctor. They all still do their own morning and evening chores though. It's just a simpler life here, but I think that's good sometimes. Spendie has lived in the US for a little, and her 1 ½ year old lives in the US with her mom, but she says she prefers to live in Haiti. She knows there is more comfort in the U.S., but she feels more at home in her mother country and knows there are more needs for doctors.

15 February 2011 (2200)

How often we ache for Christ's return when we see tragedy and pain. There was a 28 year old female medical patient that cardiac arrested in the middle of the day. I was eating lunch when they came to get me. Angela, the CRNA was bagging her and the Haitian doctor on call was doing chest compressions. No one knew the patient at all, but it appeared she had been having seizures because there was foam coming out of her mouth. The crash cart was messy so you couldn't find anything and they were doing compressions without a back board, so we had to run to find epi (the med to try to start the heart again) & a back board. We tried, but were not able to save her life. I didn't know this patient at all, but it's hard to see so much death. I've seen 4-5 deaths in the last 4 months (that isn't including the 2-5 deaths in the neonatal ICU they seem to have every month). Back home, I only saw 2 years in 2 years (granted I also didn't work in an ICU). I can't imagine dealing with the amount of death they did after the earthquake and even with this cholera outbreak. It's nothing you can truly prepare for. There are not that many ICU beds for PaP (maybe 1 or 2 hospitals have ICU beds). This was a pretty tragic death that could have probably been prevented. The doctor on call wrote death from a seizure secondary to severe dehydration. But 2 problems: She had been in the hospital 4 days so how can someone be that dehydrated in a hospital after 4 days and also apparently the family kept telling the nurse something's wrong but the nurse didn't do anything about it. If they would have fixed her seizures right away, she would never have gone into cardiac arrest. So basically, it was most likely a preventable death. So that's a hard fact I learned today, even though we have most of the supplies, we don't have all the training here. I have experienced more codes here than ever before and I'm learning. It's hard for us to accept these things from our American perspective. But you can only do what you can with supplies and training available. We are here to try to improve training though because a case like this should not have happened in a hospital that was equipped to deal with it.

Saturday, we climbed up a mountain with Jean Kelly. It was beautiful and a nice get away from the city. There was even a small cave. Saturday night we spent reorganizing and cleaning the kitchen. So needless to say, I was tired sunday morning. But, it was worth it to have a clean and organized kitchen. Sunday I rode with Mac's family to his graduation. The service was all in french, so I only understand a couple words. For some reason, I had been craving a coca-cola all week and his mom bought me one! I had fun talking to his sister.

Afterwards, I met up with my friend Stella. Her brother graduated law school with Mac and they're best friends. It's a small world! I went their house and met all of her family. 3 of her sisters are doctors. I think most of the doctors in Haiti have a parent in America to afford medical school. Their mom lives in the US, so they are slightly better off than most. Then, we had a celebration party for Mac back at the hospital.

So, other than that, work has been busy as usual. Still trying to fit in exercise every night. I bought buckets to wash my clothes in, but I haven't found the time. Instead, I heated up warm water on the stove to take a warm bath. Boy, has that been feeling really good. Oh, I forgot to mention Saturday evening, a 27-week old baby was born (basically born 2 months to early)  and they came to get me because Marc (the nurse with NICU experience) was not there and there was no doctor available. I was like well, haha, not sure what they wanted me to do without NICU experience. So ZJ came and helped me. When we got there, the OB doctor said OK good, thanks, and left. We called the pediatrician and she told us what medications to put the baby on. The baby was soo little. He was a fighter and breathing on his own. It's just a crazy system that there was no pediatrician available to see a brand new premature baby. I have to balance my thinking between well they're doing what they can here, but also this isn't really acceptable. So far, the baby is still alive. I pray for the system to be able to be changed.

18 February 2011 (1317)

I'm excited to see my family and Klair. I'm waiting at the airport for 4 hours. There was bad traffic because of some flooded roads, so we left early. Elinor, the nurse who was here for 6 weeks before, came back Thursday and she'll be covering me while I am gone. She has a good way with the patients, so I'm glad she'll be here to cover me. I'll miss speaking Kreyol for 1 week. I still have a lot ot learn, but I'm getting there. I;m probably learning slower than I want to because I'm around so much English.

Last night, Marc and I were heading to Spendie's house, but we got stopped in the ER because a motorcycle accident patient was brought in and only the OB doctor was on call. Lol, the doctors really have to know a little of everything around here. I had the OB doctor exam my pregnant friend because she contracted HPV. I ask for prayers for her and the baby; as well as her husband (I pray he's not being unfaithful).

I love the welcomes and farewells I receive at the hospital. I like the warm goodbyes. Hugs and kisses. I forgot a long sleeve and it's cold in the airport! I've never been in this part, because last February the airport was very different and when I left in December I went on a small airplane. For some reason, there are 3 places instead of 1 that they examine your bags.

20 February 2011 (0100)

I should have been in bed way before now! I do not enjoy staying up late anymore, but I've been enjoying my time with Klair. We went on a boat ride, ate lunch with her son Aaron, relaxed, and went to her Haitian friend Lucette's house, so it was fun being around Kreyol. She held a party for those who volunteered in Haiti, and most of them were Haitian. I could understand a good amount, but I felt intimated to speak it. It's funny because even though they were all well-educated and have well-off jobs, they all spoke Kreyol together, not french. That's why it's tough for me to put much effort into French. It would only help me at church. They definitely had aspects of the Haitian culture, but it was interesting to see how the American culture has influenced them, especially the women.

21 February 2011 (0615)

I didn't get too much sleep the last 2 nights, but it was fun being around Klair and her family. How time flies. We went to the swap shop yesterday. There were so many Haitians, I loved it!! It really gives me more motivation to get better at Kreyol.

22 February 2011 (0830)

As much as I love what I'm doing, there's just something so wonderful about coming home to see family and friends. I pray that this week I can balance being productive, but also spend quality time with my family. I am so excited about the possibility of my parents, Emmy, and Wilshaw visiting me in Haiti. I would love to show them all around.

25 February 2011 (2230)

I'm back to Haiti! I had a wonderful time with my family. I enjoyed meeting all the people at my Grandma's bible study; going out to eat with Gma, Mary, and Aunt Nancy; Mary's graduation went well. And just spending the evenings with my family. Time always goes too fast!

27 February 2011 (0920)

How wonderful and grateful I am for this day. It's a beautiful day outside. It's sunny, cool, and breezy. I'm ready to start the day. I'm so happy to see everyone. I love the welcome you get here. Everyone is genuinely happy to see you. Such a contrast from my last job. I'm glad for this week's study on jealousy. It's something that can easily creep in and can lead us to do things we never thought we'd say or do.

We went to an instrumental jazz concert today and it was really good!! They had a piano, bass, sax, flute, & drums. Let me tell you, I can't play like that flutist did. It was motivation to practice and improve. I miss singing in a choir and being part of a musical group. ZJ is joining a kreyol choir, so maybe I can see if they want another soprano singer. That would be fun to sing in Kreyol :)

28 February 2011 (2240)

While we should praise God in everything & trust that he works all things for His good, it has been a hard one today because Orphee was denied a visitors visa. I know there are a lot of problems with people staying illegally, but I don't it's fair that she waited 6 hours & paid lots of money and then all the consular did was quickly glance at her papers (including my letter) and then ask her if she was married or had kids. After she said no, he gave her no chance to explain or find out any other details. My problem with this it was very subjective and basked on his or her mood. 

I just felt bad because she spent what she makes in 1 month for this and was basically given no chance (I saw her papers with how much she makes between two jobs each month...let's say it's how much I made in 17 hours of work at my other job). I slept over at her house and went with her in hopes of going in and explaining, but they wouldn't let me because she's an adult. So I sat and spoke with the driver for 6 hours. Well, we probably slept and listened to music for most of it). Boy was it warm in the car. And eventually I had to use the restroom, so they found me a corner in an open field with people all around. Oh boy, I just went and didn't look to see if anyone was watching. I'm sure it was a sight, a blan in a dress and high heels. The driver was like, I'm sorry, this is Haiti.

I really enjoy Orphee's family. I want to spend time there every week. And it's good for improving my Kreyol. I felt like I could speak better after spending time with them. I notice when I'm only around Kreyol like last night and today, that I improve so much faster. I translated for the anesthesiologist and talked to another hospital in Kreyol about a transport of a paralyzed patient on my own on the phone. Not that I'm fluent at all, but able to do OK. There are a lot of words I don't know, but many times I can make my way around words I don't know. "this" (Sa) is a good word to know haha!

I attempted hand washing some laundry yesterday. It was a good experience, but boy did it take a long time. It would have been a little more enjoyable if I would have had a group of friends to chat while doing it. I forget what else I wanted to share. I just have to trust that there was a reason the visa didn't work out. But I lift it up in prayer, because we're thinking of applying again but finding out what needs to be done to help her get the visa.

6 March 2011 (1400)

So, it's been a busy work week as you can see by my lack of writing. I worked 12-14 hours Tuesday-Thursday and 8 hours Friday, so I was ready to be off. I love and have connected to my patients, but I was exhausted. And this week I felt a lot more comfortable with my Kreyol. A lot of times, I don't need a translator. I asked all the translators to speak only Kreyol with me and for the most part they have been doing that. It'll help me to learn it a lot faster. We have a lot of medically sick patients who have diabetic foots or pressure sores, so they have lots of things that need paid attention to. And we had a BKA surgery that lost between 700-900 cc of blood (that's 3-4 cups of blood) and his blood count started as a 9 but dropped to a 4.5 and 15. He was pretty symptomatic, but it took 3 days to find 2 units of blood. Praise God he made it through and looks much better. I was really worried about him. Then we were dealing with getting all of our pressure sores uninfected and putting wound vacs on them. The only problem with wound vacs is the nurses don't know how to use them, so I'm constantly hearing the beeps and having to go fix then. Sandra, the 28 year old lady with multiple washouts of her femur rod, is still here. It almost stopped draining now, but they don't want her to go home until it's completely stops. I love her and her Kreyol is very easy to understand. I told her to come visit me again after she's discharged.

We got a 25-year old paralyzed male who fell out of a coconut tree. After they were almost here from 5 hours away, Dr. Terry told me the C-arm wasn't working. So, now he'll just be here for 2 weeks until they can get the parts & fix it. He can't do the surgery without the C-arm (it's an xray used in the OR). The patient is nice and I truly felt like him and his mom had nothing. Granted, I don't normally give people money because I can't give everyone money and I want it to be used right. I think God whispered to me to give him money though when he whispered to me that his mom hasn't eaten all day because they have no money. He came from Albert Switzer Hsopital. Which they told me was just stacked with patients. He came in impacted with stool, a terrible urinary tract infection, and a open infected wound on his forehead because it was never sutured. His accident was 14 January. I can see now why Dr. Simeon doesn't want this hospital stacked with patients, because the patients are not taken well of then. So we took care of all of that. I spent 1 ½ hours on Thursday and 45 minutes Friday disimpacting him. You tend to connect to these patients and families because you spend so much time with them. This is a hard country to be paralyzed, especially at the age of 25 with a child to feed.

I had 2 "Haitian female" experiences this week with 2 of the male translators (well all the translators are males) expecting me to make their easy mac and wipe their father since I was a female and most males don't do that if a female is around. I don't mind doing these things, but something about it is bothersome when it's expected and forced. I guess growing up in America, I have a hard time accepting that mindset. Women here don't know anything else. If I'm a stay at home mom, I'll do more, but if we're both working then we can share the work.

This weekend through Tuesday is the carnival so things are extra loud and it seems people don't want to work those days. CBM (our physical therapy group) said they had off, but I asked at least 1-2 to come in every day because I can't do their work and mine. I love to hear the sound of children playing or singing. I enjoy community living. And I enjoy being able to translate for myself. There were 2 nights this week we heard gunshots; it startled all the patients. I still get amazed at how people take care of each other without complaining (and they will help me with their family member or someone else's in the room if you ask). But, they can be very impatient. There also isn't much of a concept of organization and long term planning in this culture. So there are things I love about this culture, but also equally frustrating things.

Well, I just glad for these last 2 days to rest, study, fellowship, and relax. Cook for fun!

9 January- 5 February 2011

11 Jan 11 (0045)

 

What a day! I'm so ready to fall asleep after a long day. Except for maybe 2 hours scattered here and there, we were busy from 8am to 9:30pm with a transfer (a badly controlled diabetic patient with a gangrene foot & pressure sores) & 3 trauma's (bad motorcycle accident). I can say there is good teamwork among everyone. After showering & just going to bed, I got a call that one of our trauma patients blood pressure was dropping & heart rate increasing. Hemoglobin dropped from 13.9 to 8.8, but Dr. Terri said no blood unless less than 8.0 so we wrapped a new compression dressing and elevated the leg more. The nurse seems really attentive so I think he'll be watched well. And then, I helped Marc & Orphee with a 20-month old baby who died of anemia. Somehow Marc & I are functioning more like PA's or NP's.

15 Jan 11 (2115)

I went to the January 12^th services on Wednesday. There were hundreds of people at the memorial service our hospital put on, but no outward signs of morning. I worked 12-14 hours Monday and Tuesday so I was exhausted Wednesday so I didn't work much. I'm going to have to learn how to write dressing change orders in French to incorporate the nurses doing it because it gets to be a lot. We're doing lots of much needed surgery, but it can get crazy when we have lots of patients. I have to set my boundaries because I cannot work five 12-hour shifts. I start to become ineffective because I am so mentally and physically exhausted.

But I had a wonderful nights rest, went to service, and then came to visit Elisabeth and Servilus. Servilus bought his motorcycle so we rode that for over an hour all over PaP to reach their house. Let me tell you, the motorcycle was OK in the countryside but downright scary at times in the city because other people drive crazy swerving in and out. I wanted to close my eyes because of the dust, but I wanted to keep an eye on traffic so I forced them open.

Elisabeth is looking beautiful as usual, even in her pregnancy. She taught me how to cook rice, bean sauce, and fish. We cooked outside on the ground with a charcoal grill. I just love spending time with her. I wish she lived closer so I could come more often. We watched a theater production in Kreyol that was made in the U.S. With Elisabeth help, I got the main jist, but they spoke really fast so I couldn't understand everything. The mosquitoes are really bad at their house!! So after a bath, talk with Wilshaw, I'm ready for another goodnights rest.

Side note: I wrote a letter to Orphee to help her get approved for a visitors visa. I would love to show her around Lancaster, MD, Philly, Miami, & New York. I pray that if it's Your will, she would get approved and be able to visit me. She would come back & go around with me visiting friends. And I finally visited the little Haitian boy medical patient who had told the nurse earlier in the week that he liked me. I told him I would come back and visit, but I got busy all week. His name is Reme Leonidas. It's been fun seeing a lot of patients I know come back. Especially the kids, but I haven't seen Sondy or Denise. We haven't had any long term pediatric patients, which is probably a good thing, but I miss the kids!

The results got leaked- it's the lady and Micky who won 1^st and 2^nd place. Apparently there was a lot of ballot stuffing for Jude Celestin. I guess now it's up to the Haitian government to decide if to accept these results. There were some small riots thursday, but nothing today when we drove to Servilus's place. I like how I'm starting to recognize where I am at. I still couldn't get around on my own nor would I ever want to drive here.

Brian, Marc & I have been having fun with the P90X abd workout & cooking. I'm getting used to the rice & beans, cold showers, and mosquitoes. I feel like I'm home.

16 Jan 11 (2154)

It's an interesting experience learning to cook from the basics. The food is delicious. I feel that my Kreyol is slowly but surely improving. The one Haitian American volunteer asked me this week if my boyfriend is Haitian because he said I speak it well for not being Haitian. That's a great compliment for me :) I tend to pick up on whatever accent I'm around. Robenson had to fix the motorcycle so I'm staying overnight and leaving at 5am. I pray that my devotional thought tomorrow will reach or touch at least one person.

17 Jan 11 (2300)

How wonderful it is to be safe, well fed, have a shower, and warm bed. But God is more than just my provider. He's love, righteousness, Holy, merciful, omega & alpha. I like the quote Marc said, "Seek God's face, not just His hands." Today was busy, but not too stressful. And I got to fit in talking with co-workers, exercise, making dinner, and talking to Wilshaw. The one nurse was telling me about a patient, but I didn't know the word I wanted to say back, so I got Mac to translate and the nurse said, "Li pale Kreyol (she speaks kreyol)". I have had a couple nurses say that if I bring a translator. But I still do have a fair amount to learn. I feel it helps me connect better to the co-workers and patients.

18 Jan 11 (2340)

Today was a testing day on my patience- a drama queen patient that was refusing to do what we ask and then refusing to leave. I had to get security involved, and guess what? They didn't leave, but stayed overnight in a cot in the hallway. I told the nurse she wasn't a patient and didn't need any nursing care. And a lot of strong emotions today. Only God knows what is best and the outcome, so I have to put it all in His hands.

20 Jan 11 (2341)

As tired as I may be, I still need to be thankful for everyday. It was a calmer work day. Even though I may not be fulfilling a floor nurse positions, I'm learning a lot of other random skills to help me as a nurse and life in general. Like coordinating care, finding beds, teaching in another language, and learning what is normal. Like tonight, we had two big surgeries that can bleed a lot, especially if not elevated, so they weren't elevated. Back in the states, I would have worried more, but I know the normal now and just compress it and elevate it.

I lift up our meeting tomorrow with Dr. Terri & Dr. Simeon to set our goals, concerns, & protocols. All in all, we can't operate in earthquake mode anymore. I pray for respect to the hospital medical director's wishes now. We have 4 ortho surgeons coming next week so it'll be busy.

21 Jan 11 (2327)

You provided me a miracle and blessings already on this sabbath. I had the nurse change the C4-C5 Quadraplegic's catheter because he had the current one in for 1 month (one not made for long term use) and he was starting to have fevers. Well, I decided to check on it (I just had a gut feeling about it not being in right), and I came in 4 hours later & noticed there was no urine in it. So I got the supplies to put in another one. I deflated the current balloon & pulled the catheter out & it started bleeding profusely. I put pressure on it, but it wouldn't stop. (The balloon had apparently been blown up in his urethra instead of bladder so it broke the lining...and he has no sensation so he couldn't feel it). I was getting nervous because it was late at night & would be hard to get urology service. Thankfully Sophie (the ER MD from England) was walking so I had her come in and try to stop it. She placed a new 18-gauge catheter and the bleeding stopped! Praise God because if it didn't, he would have needed urology surgery. I have to appreciate families here, because instead of panicking they helped as we asked. And then they got the patient (their father), all cleaned up after the mess.

I saw Sondy today and I was so glad! He didn't act like his playful self though. I gave him the picture frame and colored pencils. It seems he will be back again for a couple more cast changes. He told me our little girl patient Denise is supposed to come back March 14^th. Besides her, I've seen all the patients I've printed pictures out for. I love seeing patients again! I realized I haven't been sharing patien stories recently. I've been working long days & my brain is tired by the end. But, I shall try to start doing that again.

It's been a brand new year & way of doing things. We're not taking large short term teams & it's been better just having 1-2 ortho MD & 1-2 anesthesiologist. I've been basically functioning as his PA, bed monitor, and coordinating things. I am trying to work with the Haitians nurses & nursing directors. I definitly feel my role now and it's sure busy. Apparently, Marc brought it up to Nathan to see if I can get a stipend. I am praying about it, but I could be more effective being here for 1 year.

25 Jan 11 (2300)

I have spent way too many days without quality time with God. Sunday became a challenging & busy day. I woke up feeling sick and when we rounded on a patient she looked very sick. I had a Haitian MD look at her & he said septic shock. So he ordered some things & then we had a meeting with Dr. Simeon. The meeting went OK- still have more to compromise & collaborate.

Then, I went to look at the patient again & she was no better. So we got Dr. Simeon involved. The patient ended up being in septic shock (Tempt was 106 degrees Fahrenheit, BP= 45/35, HR 130); she had dry blood in her mouth so the guess was she was bleeding in her GI tract because her H&H= 3.3, 10%; and she was in diabetic ketoacidosis (Glucose was somewhere between 500 and 1000). She had came in with a diabetic foot ulcer that went gangrene. I believe her husband took good care of her but had no money so he couldn't take her to see the doctor. A foreign run clinic was the one who found her and brought her to our clinic. They amputated that foot, but later also had to amputate the other leg because of another sore under the knee that went down to the hamstring. She also had multiple other sores from being bed-ridden on top of other medical problems that we probably didn't even know about. So she should have been followed medically & just consulted ortho, but the family couldn't afford to be followed medically. She didn't have too many signs of problems (or they nurse never told us when she started spiking temps) so it seemed to come on quickly. So needless to say, we were running around trying to save this woman's life. I was up most of the night watching her and then worked 9 hours the next day. Marc watched her Monday morning. Her hemoglobin came up to 5.5, BP up to 75/40, but she never woke up. Her family asked us to cease treatment so they could take her home to die, but she passed away before that happened. The husband said she has been suffering for so long and maybe this was God's way of ending her suffering. I'm glad he saw it that way, but it was hard on me because I felt like she shouldn't have gotten that far advanced in a hospital. She eventually would have died of sepsis or something else in the next month or two at home if she didn't come in, but the surgery exacerbated all her medical problems.

It's a hard thing here because if patient's can't afford it, they can't get treatment. Dr. Spendie said she will see them, even if they can no pay, but that's out of her pocket & I don't want to do that often. The CBM (physical therapy techs) explained that a lot of times in Haiti people don't come to the hospital or they come too late to save them because they don't have the money (or they try voo-doo first). It's hard to understand & swallow, but there is no insurance so this private hospital can only do so much free service without going bankrupt. It's just a different challenge I face here that I don't face at home.

The new team here, 4 ortho surgeons, seem nice & cooperative. They did a lot of surgeries, but made sure we had enough beds for everyone. I got really frustrated mid-morning because we got 2 more diabetic foot ulcer patients that couldn't afford to be followed medically. I didn't want anything to happen like had happened to that other lady who died. Now that I running into this problem more frequently, do we accept these patients without a medical doctor following them. We take a risk every time in doing so. They both need amputations too. So, Marc helped me realize there are no policies yet for this situation so I can't stress myself too much but help to try to make a policy. So that's something new I will never do back home as a floor nurse. Marc said I was the "hospital wife" lol well, I'm learning. Policies & procedures when not taken to extreme are a good thing.

We have a C4-C5 quadraplegic patient here for 1 week (the one I described above with the foley issue), but he's spiking high temps too, so we changed him over to be a medical service patient. We don't want to mess around with time with him because he's so vulnerable. I loved the one patient's daughter today. She was so amused that I speak some Kreyol and wanted to play with my hair. I got her a bible study in French because she wanted a book. I forgot to mention that a lot of patient pronouce my name, "Linz", but I don't mind because I can't pronouce all of their names either.

We went out to eat the Oberge, the local hotel restaurant, the last 2 nights. It just feels good to be somewhere else but the hospital.

27 Jan 11 (0021)

I thank You so much for a calmer work day today. And for the doctors willingness to help with anything. They really helped me with writing orders, dressing changes, and whatever else. So I'm learning how to handle the day, how things work around here, and what things I can work on changing for the better. With teamwork, this hospital really is going to function well. Hopefully it will provide as much spiritual care as physical care. As challenging as it will be to be away from Wilshaw for a year, this is a wonderful opportunity for me to spend 9 more months here. The hopefully be conversational in Kreyol; to understand the system and work with everyone to change things little by little; to have time to develop better friendships; and to hopefully grow closer to God. There are very exhausting, frustrating, and challenging days but those are times I need to remember that will help build my character to be more like Christ.

But, all in all, things I'm learning and doing, wouldn't happen in the U.S. as a one person role: Working more alongside the doctors; knowing all the staff including the medical director, working so closely together towards a change; learning how to make things work when you don't have everything you normally are used to using; learning how to deal with patient's who literally have nothing;  learning time management; bed placement; PA skills; having group exercises & meals; meetings lots of amazing people; etc! So I praise God for this opportunity. Granted we are living fairly decently here (running water & electricity). It wouldn't be safe for us to live somewhere random in PaP in tents. I wouldn't mind living in a tent, but not in PaP. It would probably be OK in the countryside.

It was interesting learning the water filter system & process to fill the water bottles. Too much clorox was put in the water, so Brian fixed it and taught us how to check the water to fill the bottles. Quite the process to get clean water- but nothing compared to what others in this world have to do to get water. The water here comes from the stream & some city water.

Our quad patient was told by me today that he wasn't going to need the surgery for the fracture to heal. I guess he thought he would have normal function again after a surgery, so I had to break the news to him. I've connected with his family and they are taking as best as care as they know. I know it will be a challenge though. He was having unknown high fevers, so they took him to the OR to debride the pressure sore. They said it was badly infected under the eschar and that if it wasn't debrided soon it would have killed him.

We have 2 new long term additions to our team. Brittany is a lab tech & Z.J. Is a social service year MD that is from America (parents are Carribean), but studied medical school in Mexico. So it's fun to have them :) I feel that we have the right combination of long term (1 year) foreign staff here and with the Haitian staff, we'll get this hospital working. We have Marc working on nurse education; Randy is an electrician & his wife is helping wherever is needed; Nathan is the assistant adminstrator & Amy is helping with whatever too (very needed!); Brian is the architect; Terry is the ortho MD & his wife Jeannie is functioning as an OR nurse; and Jamenson is working in prosthetika (where they make limbs for amputees). I don't think I missed anyone.

29 Jan 11 (1609)

It was a great week and wonderful team to work with, but I'm glad for the sabbath. The team took us out to eat. It was a good time to talk and laugh together. Today, we are heading to the beach. I was so happy for the 2 couples that never seem to get away, to get away. They all work long hours & don't have much time for themselves. We all need to work on balancing our time. Life is full of balances- work & rest; exercise & relaxing; time alone & time with others, etc. I pray that God can grant us the wisdom to know boundaries to set. The hard part is there are lots of people who need surgery (even surgeries from earthquake injuries that never resolved or the rods are malunion, etc) and not as many places that offer orthopedic service. So we're serving a large percentage population of the PaP area. Most MSF & other NGO that had orthopedic services are shutting down now.

Driving outside of PaP makes me really miss the countryside. Fresh air, less congestion & traffic, people are nicer & not so much in a rush. I think cities sometimes make people more rude, liable to sin, & puts them in over drive (constant stimulation). It would be nice to be more out of PaP/Carrefour area, but that is where God has me for now. I can live through most things for a year. We had to take an alternative route because there is some unrest & turmoil in Cite Soliel. So now we went the long way past Robenson's house, but I'll take over any disturbances.

30 Jan 11 (2350)

I am so grateful to come before You this evening. It's been a fast day! I was teaching some nursing students how to dilute the morphine 10 mg/mL into 1 mg/mL and how to give it. It took awhile to explain, but I think she understood mostly. The next day she & all the nursing students wanted a picture with me so I guess they were OK with me. Their white uniforms & hats make me giggle. So glad I never had to wear that!

31 Jan 11 (2220)

Lord, life is so short & our lives can be taken away at any moment. This past week has taught me that. We had another patient die today. He was the 55 year old quadriplegic patient I explained earlier. He was in a motorcycle accident on December 25^th. He was seen by a hospital, but sent home. They brought him here January 19^th in hopes of doing surgery on his neck. They decided he didn't need surgically stabilized; that it would just heal by a brace. In the meantime, he came in with a huge pressure sore (bed sore) on his coccyx (it was all covered with eschar). We were just doing a wet-to-dry dressing, but then he started spiking temps that they couldn't find infection anywhere else & it started draining foul smelling green drainage. So they debrided it 2 times in the OR and it was fine. Today, around noon, we changed the wound vac at the bedside and the wound looked good (no signs of infection. It was deep stage IV down to the bone). But his vital signs were good that morning and for the last 3 days. I reemphasized that the patient will never walk again because his nerve had been damaged and that can't be fixed. I told him & his family no matter how the bone is fixed (by surgery or by brace), that won't make him walk again. Because they were thinking of taking him to another country to get the bone surgery, so I think this was the first time they actually understood why he could never walk again. No more than 30 minutes later, his family found me downstairs to tell me he's not breathing. I got the doctor up there & gave him an ampu bag while I ran to look for other supplies. I ran around for 10 minutes (because nothing is organized here) but the minute I got back up, the anesthesiologist pronounced him dead. They had all the intubation supplies there but it was too late. Everything just happened so fast, I didn't know what to think. I had never seen anything like that. Someone who was stable, just stop breathing. They think he either died of a pulmonary embolism (a blood clot stuck in his lung) or his neck got turned the wrong way & the nerve that controls the diaphragm was injured. I think it hit me so hard because I had just interacted with him and changed his dressing.

Some of the translators were saying that this patient had told them he couldn't live like this anymore. It was a lesson to me, when I give really bad news, that I should offer to pray with the patient after wards. We can't wait because we don't know, they could die anytime after. It was a hard lesson for me and we did pray with the family after he passed, but we never can bring back the chance to do it beforehand. When I was taking out his foley & wound vac, I had the son help me turn the body, but his son asked to leave because he didn't want to see the wound again. All I could do was give his sons a hug because I had spent time with his family & gotten to know them. After the family left with his body (it's the families responsibility in Haiti to take the body in whatever transportation they can find, including the tap-taps), I found a letter under the head of his bed. I asked Orphee to tell me what it said. She said it was a prayer, but not to God. She made me throw it away right away because I think it was some type of voo-doo saying. The patient's pastor did come & pray with them, but I've heard a lot of people practice Voo-doo while claiming to follow Christ. So, all I can do is lift up with family in prayer to God, our rock & redeemer. 

 

3 February 2011 (0630)

Yesterday, the medical team had a shorter day (in that, I mean a normal 8 hour day lol) so we cooked for them. It's nice to have a group here 2 weeks because they adjust to how we do things and it makes it easier for me. At first, we were worried because it was a big group and we weren't sure if they would try to cooperate with how we do things now. But they have been very respectful and helpful. And I've learned many things from them.

I stayed up later because a dislocated shoulder came in while I was downstairs trying to finish the census. So I got Terri & I assisted him put the shoulder back in place. The electricity went out when we were trying to insert the IV. That always makes me giggle. I also had to be the translator. I can get by if I need to. Well, time to start the day!

4 February 2011 (2200)

Starting the sabbath off right has been a blessing- finishing cooking by sunset; a vespers bible study gathering; and enjoying our meal together. I'm glad for this group of young believers! It's college roommates, only an added bonus of spiritual accountability and growing together. There is something so peaceful about spending a quiet evening with God. Tonight, I was thinking about how powerful words are. How, 30 minutes after I explained to the paralyzed man and his family that he would never walk again, he died. While he probably died of a PE, I think he also gave up on life. I told the guy I was sorry after I told him the bad news, but the better would have been to pray. I need to be in more constant talk with God throughout the day- no matter how emotionally, mentally, & physically exhausted I am. Help me to be patient even when I'm tired and frustrated. God, open my eyes to others need and not just to focus on the busy work. Help me & all of us to reach people in the truth.

2 Jan- 8 Jan 2011

2/1/11 (1524)

Awesome redeemer, healer, creator, and our perfect Father. How glad I am to come before You today. What a bitter sweet day- saying goodbye to Wilshaw for another couple months, but excited to continue my time in Haiti. I thank You for safe travel and just another day to be alive. 84 degrees in Haiti- going to feel hot again now that I've been in weather below 65 degrees the whole time. Not really looking forward to the craziness at the PaP airport, but it will soon be over and i'll be back "home" again for a little. I was nervous about my Kreyol being really rusty, but I actually could still understand a fair amount on the airplane, so I know it will come back to me.

Wilshaw & I enjoyed our last evening together. I had one last S'more we had by the fireplace. Five am came around early, but after one last warm shower and baked oatmeal I was awake. Well, the flight is descending so I'm going to look at the beautiful islands and mountains!

4/1/11 (0650)

Blessed Savior, how wonderful are Thee. You allow me to sleep and then wake up again, even if I am tired. If I choose to stay up late then I have to sacrifice my sleep and not sacrifice spending time with You. I can't get away from that because I want to grow closer and closer to You. I thank You so much for a wonderful day yesterday working and seeing everyone again! As well as a couple new people. Marc, Brian, & I stayed up until midnight catching up and talking. I am glad for a group that we can talk about personal things and not be judged, but instead we can encourage each other in the word of God & speak truth in love. I pray for us all to stay close and grow with You everyday. I pray for our individual and group ministries here. May we pour out blessings unto others.

It was such a wonderful greeting from all of the Haitian staff. Hugs & kisses and genuine gladness to see us. I don't think all of them knew who was coming back. I pray for guidance in my position to be led by You and to truly blend myself with the local staff. I pray all these things in Jesus Christ name!

8/1/11 (2343)

I guess I haven't written in my journal for a couple days! I haven't worked in almost 4 weeks so it took some readjusting to get back in the swing of things & fit everything in as well as working. We had a orthopedic MD and anesthesiologist for 1 week and they have been wonderful to work with this week. They adjusted to how we do things now, showed us a new exercise machine, and lead a bible study. For some reason we had a lot of no-shows on surgeries this week, but we could provide a couple much needed surgeries and adjust to being back here. We had a spinal cord injury patient come in Monday. He fell out of a tree on December 26^th and had some deficits since the fall. They wanted to surgically stabilize him and minimize long term deficits.

Good thing we weren't as busy this week because I spent a whole day getting 2 units of blood for his surgery. And we tried lots of different things to get him to have a BM. Nothing had been done at the other hospital, so he came in to our hospital very impacted. So now, we'll have to figure out a regime for him so he doesn't get that way again. So for the blood, the family had gone the last 2 days and there was none at the main Red Cross. So I called around for about 2.5 hours until I found a place remotely close. Then Richard drove us over (about an hour drive) and we waited 2.5 hours to get the blood, but praise God they had 2 units! I took Mac with me because we had to ride the tap-taps back (public transportation). We took 3 different tap-taps. Boy I would have never known what I was doing because we were all over the place! We payed a total of 75 gourdes for all 3 rides (about $2 US). It was an eye-opener and learning experience for me. The things people here have to go through to get the basic necessities, or what we can easily get in America. In Haiti, it's usually the family that gets the blood and brings it back in a cooler. The only reason I went was because we had to do the surgery by Saturday (because the OR nurse and anesthesiologist were leaving Sunday) & the family had tried the last 2 days but they had none at the other places. We didn't want to risk not getting it that Friday, so I went instead. It was a new experience for me having to do it. 

But, all in all, the surgery was able to get done! They didn't need the blood, but it obviously was better to have it than not have it in emergency (because you can see how long it took me to get blood.). So now we have 2 more units of non-expired blood. We only had 5 out of about 50 units (bags) of blood that was not expired in the hospital fridge (none that was the patient's blood type). It took me about 30 minutes to go through all the blood to look for some not expired, so Lucia helped me to properly discard of the expired blood because it wasn't worth keeping all that expired blood in the fridge. Hopefully we can put a system in place for blood- and try to give it to other places if it's about to expire if we don't need it.

This afternoon (after my 3 hour nap), we hiked up the mountains (Sophie, David, Gerry, & I...Sophie is the ER MD here for a couple months; David is the anthesiologist here for this week; and Gerry is the ortho MD here for this week). It was so beautiful! We met a guy Amos who guided us back to the right road to get down. I got to speak to Wilshaw for awhile then.

I'm readjusting to the cold showers and mosquitoes! My fan went "walking away" while I was gone, so I need to buy one because it's certainty muggy tonight! Kim (a physical therapist) said something that I didn't think was really noticed that I was trying to do, but she said "You're really working alongside and together with the Haitian doctors and nurses, which this hospital hasn't really had in one year." so I pray that You would be my guide as nurse "coordinator" (as Marc put my job title) and to keep Your will for this hospital. 

Another thing that Mac (one of the Haitian translators) noted when we were sitting in an actually very nice medical facility in Delmas 33 waiting floor the blood was that there was a leak coming from the ceiling over the door. So with everyone's dusty shoes, it made the floor muddy. So the cleaning guy would sweep it up every once in awhile. I saw some of the Haitians sitting there point out the leak to him. Mac said "You see that's a problem in Haiti. Instead of actually fixing the problem, they just clean up the mess." Interesting way to look at that, and I pray that will change. Well, it's midnight! Time for bed!

My break in America Dec 7-Jan 1

12/12/10 (1037)

    Even though I'm a little saddened that I won't be going back to Haiti for awhile, I know all things work out for God's good. I printed out pictures to give to some of the patients and I'm not sure if I'll see them again because I don't know when I'll be returning yet. As well as to say goodbye to some volunteers not coming back. But, I can still praise God for the warm (and cold) weather, safety in Haiti, for rest and for work. I do not want to be idle during this time, so show me ways that I can serve You. I am enjoying my time with Wilshaw, but the days seem lonely by myself because I'm always used to being around people all the time except for my bible study time. It's good to have time just to yourself, but I love community living and the supportive Christians in walking distance.

     I can tell it is going to take much longer to make close friends when I return because of not living in a community (like you do in college) so you don't get to get to know each other as quickly. That's why the transition after college was hard. I enjoy community living! We don't have to live in the same house, but same neighborhood to easily meet up to share food, exercise, discuss the word of God, etc. I have been growing close to God and learning so much about His word this last couple months. I pray that you open that opportunity up for Wilshaw here in Dallas and for when I return.

     I lift up Haiti now. Lord, only You know what is going to happen in these elections and in general. I pray hard against the use of violence to prove their points and get their way. I pray for all the innocent people who have to suffer because of a couple people causing violence. I understand the frustration (as much as I can for it not being my country) because the people have been lead by very corrupt presidents in the past that have not attempted to help them. And the situation since the earthquake has not really improved- now they also tackle cholera. It's sad that violence seems to be the only way they know how to show their anger and frustration over it. All the roads, shops, and airports are shut down. So now most people cannot work and therefore won't have necessary money for food and clean water. And aid organizations will start pulling out if the violence gets bad so then there won't be much needed medical care, especially for the cholera outbreak.

     So I pray that God's truth and gospel be heard among the turmoil. Without a change of heart and change of masters (God over sin), then not much will really change in Haiti. I lift up the true followers of Christ in Haiti as they suffer because of their fellow man's corrupt ways and as they preserve in the truth. May they find refuge and peace in Your promises. They will one day suffer no more, but live in eternity with You. I have met so many wonderful Haitians- to numerous to name them all.

     Lord, You know my heart and my desires, but I will trust that things will go according to Your will in terms of when I will go back to Haiti and a future job back in America when I return. I will be excited to come back to America, but right now I feel slightly unsettled here because I feel that God is not finished with me yet in Haiti. But I should gladly receive the blessing of time here that God has given to me. I should rejoice and be glad in it, for each day is a gift.

13/12/10 (1721)

     How grateful I am for this day. Through the temptations and the joys. I thank You for the Holy Spirit's guidance and Your word to study. It's so great to study history. And to see the examples of men who claimed to be Your children in godly and ungodly moments. We are also called to be the light & salt to this generation. I pray that I serve God in my words, actions, thoughts, & behaviors. Guide me to make my talk about Haiti this Sunday to reflect Your work through me in Haiti. May I take none of the glory.

     I've been picking up things for our kitchen in Haiti, gifts for Gamide, and pictures for some patients & friends in Haiti. I'm so excited to give the little gifts out. People carry a few pictures, but it's hard to come by pictures in Haiti so I'm so excited to give out these pictures! But whew- it's different being back in the consumerism culture and driving! It's scary getting on these highways in Dallas because people drive super fast and expect you to force yourself on instead of making it clear that they're letting you on.

     Well, it's time to practice my Kreyol and make lasagna.


14/12/10 (1212)

     How excellent is God's name and truth. How we might fill our lives with temporary things that make us feel "good" or happy, but how short-lived they are compared to eternity with God in Heaven. Where there is true joy, peace, and love; and no more mourning, pain, or death. The reason You gave us the prophecy in the bible is to foretell us of what is yet to come so we can prepare ourselves. The devil knows Christ's return is coming, so he's fighting hard until his doom to bring as many souls into misery and final death with Him. It aches me to know so many people who don't believe or accept the truth. I hope to be a good friend to them in sharing the gospel, not just in words, but in action.

     Lord, that is why no matter how many things are on my "to do list," I cannot compromise my time with You. I can cut out other unnecessary things. In bible study today, I read about Absalom's revolt. The theme taken from it was often things are not what they seem. For example, a smile covers an aching heart. As God's light & salt on this earth, I need to be open & sensitive in order to look beyond appearances in order to see people and situations for what they really are. This can be difficult because it takes time & effort to be a good friend as well as emotional energy in bearing in others burdens. Sacrificing ourselves to help (people other than family & friends) is against our fleshly nature a lot of times so it can be tough! But even with family it can be hard at times.

15/12/10 (1143)

     Wow! The more I study God's word, the more I love God and have a better understanding of this world & my life. There are so many ways people try to disprove the gospel, but the truth will be made known one day in visible view to everyone. Help me to guard what I watch and read. Grant me understanding of what people believe so that I can relate to them and know the best way to share the gospel.

     Thank You for placing Jenny in my life. A Christian nurse who works at Children's hospital in Dallas as a clinical nurse educator. She volunteered at HAH for 1 week in November. She gave me a tour and then explained how best to apply to the ICU's or floors. Apparently to work in the ICU, it would best for me to have peds or ICU experience before. So the options are to go through an internship program (with classes & longer training) to prepare me for the ICU (it's for post-grads or people like me who did adult nursing & want to switch to peds) or to start on a Peds floor first. It would start in June if they discover a need for more ICU nurses. Jenny said she loves working there. So I'm not going to worry about it, I know God will provide something for me where I will be the most effective as a Christian nurse.

16/12/10 (1153)

     Gracious Father, I am so thankful & glad for this chance to visit my family. Allow me to be a blessing to them, and not use this week selfishly. I'm the one getting a 3-4 week break here so I should be serving them in anyway. I was glad for the 75 degree weather we had yesterday. Wilshaw and I got to eat outside and sit in the hot tub. Boy, did that feel good on the muscles. I've been having a great trip home- got some sleep on the first plane and did bible study on the second plane ride. I am almost finished with my photo album for Sondy, Gamide, Grace Orphanage, and Robenson's wedding. Excited to give them out!


17/12/10 (1021)

     It's so nice to see my family! And even though it's really cold, the snow is beautiful. But boy am I glad for a warm house. I get to spend the day with my Grandma and my Aunts.


18/12/10 (1006)

     I am grateful for this day of rest, service, & worship (well I should say week and a half of rest). Today, I will be helping my sister out with her school project. May I use today to serve my family with love and to honor my parents as God has asked us to do. It's been fun going on walks with my parents and Roxie. I stopped by to see Chris, Maria, & Greg. I love catching up with friends & family.

20/12/10 (1123)

     I am so glad that I go to see my loving church family yesterday and to share what I've been doing. I was so happy that my whole family came too. We all worked together on Mary's projects afterwards and had a wonderful meal. Grant Mary & I the nursing knowledge needed for these care plans (brings back my college days) and projects. But, Lord, I lift up a request to fend the devil off because he is really trying to distract me right now. And I like how Pastor Steve said, we, as Christians, can't say "I can't help myself" because we have the power of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit to fight it off. I want to think of what is holy, pure, & righteous.

22/12/10 (0847)

     How great and magnificent is God. You make the sunrise and set everyday, as well as our heartbeats & breaths. So no matter what is happening, I can still praise You and seek You. I thank You for yesterday to spend chatting with my Grandma, organizing my finances, and spending the evening with church friends. It was fun to see Joe and Alison; I haven't seen them in years! I exercised with Mr. Dixon in the morning. Last night my parents & I went to the Dixons for a game night and chatting. I love it when my family sits down together for meals or games.

     Well, time to begin this day. Lead me, O gentle Savior, so that in all that I have to do, I am still representing You and serving You. Not just doing busy work with a stressed attitude. There is no point to a "to do" list if I'm not glorifying You with it. Which reminds me I need to call my Grandma Fleur again because I felt like I was busy with other things when talking to her yesterday and didn't represent Christ in that instance.


23/12/10 (2331)

     I am so thankful for these 5 days to spend with Mike and Wilshaw. And for our family Christmas celebration last night with dinner and playing games around the fire. It is such a joy when I can just enjoy time with my family. As we get older and our schedules are different, you learn to cherish those special moments. Like doing errands with my dad in the morning and eating lunch with my mom at her work. Lord, continue to give me wise choices with my finances. Relying on donations gives me extra accountability and I pray that I use it wisely.

     Mike and I had fun traveling to Dallas. We explored the Chicago O'hara airport. It's like a museum in there! And they have one terminal that has a light show on the roof and relaxing music. I could have sat there for awhile and enjoyed that. Then we enjoyed a game of spit after dinner. I just love hanging out with Mike- the simplicity of having fun and chatting. Well, the flight is descending. I just realized I've probably ridden as many flights this past year than I have my whole life. Don't think I'd want a job where I had to fly all the time though.


24/12/10 (1146)

     Savior, as we look forward to celebrating Your birth, I pray that we truly reflect on ourselves and think of others above ourselves. I can see my spiritual growth as well as things I still need to change to grow.I don't want to be a lukewarm Christian. In revelation 3: 15-16, Jesus says "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you either one or the other! So because you are lukewarm- neither hot nor cold- I am about to spit you out of my mouth." I want to follow Christ no matter what the cost. I lift up the Christians in Iraq in other parts of the world that are being persecuted, even killed, for claiming faith in Jesus. May You give them hope and peace so that they will see the future life for believers. It gets me thinking, would I really openly claim to follow Christ if I could be beaten or killed for it? I hope I would.

25/12/10 (1600)

     Rejoice, Rejoice~ Emmanuel was born. We celebrate the miraculous birth of God's only son, Jesus today. It can be easily drowned out by the business of planning, cooking, services, shopping, decorating, etc. But to truly sit and contemplate on the miracle with each other and what the birth brought to us. Emmanuel, Savior, Redeemer, and Friend. There are so many wonderful ways to describe Jesus.

     For me, having a year away from decorating and shopping/making gifts has been a good way to change it up. Don't get me wrong- I still enjoy those things & will be excited for them next year. Other traditions, such as having peanut butter kiss cookies on Christmas Eve, were a little different this year too. The 3 of us had dinner by candlelight and fire. We then sat by the fire and enjoyed its warmth. We had a little bible study and made s'mores. It felt nice to go to bed early. I thought we'd be up by 6am, but we slept until 8am.

     We had some delicious baked oatmeal before out way to service. I enjoyed hearing Your story and promises. You are not distant, uncaring, fickle, or angry God (using that term as a God who just seeks to destroy us. Yes, you will judge us according to our works, but You desire us all to accept Christ's sacrifice in order that his blood will cover our sins and we can be saved). We went on a walking trail through downtown afterwards. We saw a couple people, but for the most part it was empty. It will be another wonderful evening to relax and enjoy each other's company.

     Lord, I am still a sinner in need of your grace. My thoughts are still sinful at times. And I think the devil knows what tactics to use to try to get me to sin. And I think he tries harder when you are growing closer to God. But I know he's been defeated, so I pray for You to guard my mouth, mind, and soul. Help me not to make any haste decisions in sin. Help me remember I representing You every moment. I think of the girl at LCOG who wants to be a missionary when she's an adult so she looks up to what I am doing. And having the financial accountability really makes me have to not take my decisions, thoughts, & behaviors lightly. People know I call myself a Christian and they are watching. It's good though because accountability helps keeps us on tract (and get back on tract if you veer off the path) and can help you stay focused knowing others are watching. If I keep my thoughts on You and take the necessary precautions to avoid things that lead me to temptation, I can stay on the righteous path and Honor You. Thank You for Your Son, Jesus, to take away my sins when I don't do that.


28/12/10 (1130)

     I am having such a fabulous time with Mike and Wilshaw- cooking together, building fires, rock climbing, seeing the Chronicles of Narnia movie, making cookies, chatting, sitting in the hot tub, and going on walks. All 3 of us getting together won't happen as often as I'd like, so I like to cherish these moments.

29/12/10 (1548)

     Even though I've had a great time visiting friends & family, I am ready to go back to Haiti on Sunday. I've gotten more than enough time to rest, spend time with friends & family (well I can always have more of that), & shop for some food to take back. I've gained back the 10-12 pounds I've lost, which I wanted too. But it's just funny how 1 month in America will do that to ya again. And I'm not exercising any different here- so it's definitely the diet! Now, I just need to prep myself for the cold showers, mosquitoes, and rice & beans!! But the team coming back has had lots of time to refresh & rejuvenate. Because of the presidential elections still up in the air, they are not taking any short term volunteers at the Adventist Hospital. So it will be the Lindsay's, the Dietrich's, Marc, Brian, Sarah, & I. We have had good teamwork in the past, so I pray that we will continue to work together as a team to serve our God. Give us the strength, courage, & wisdom to do Your will at Hopital Adventiste d' Haiti in this new year, 2011.

Week 14

6/12/10 (1335)

There is a lot going on today, but that is no reason to not take time out to spend with God. Help me to stay calm and composed today even though I'm tired and anxious for a break. Little things are annoying me, so I need to seek God to respond in the right manner as well as not to take things personal.

Yesterday the doctors did a couple surgeries and then organized supplies. I just asked them the questions I had on the patients and we saved all the wound vac changes for today. So it was nice because I could get other things done. I spoke to Mrs. Stevens (Wilshaw's mom), Sister Clemons, Wilshaw, and my family! And then we celebrated Audra's last day with a wonderful dinner.

Unfortunately I cannot go the D.R. right now because the border is unstable. They still wanted me to leave the country (because they could get in legal trouble for letting me work more than 3 months without a visa) and this pilot, Joe, happened to have an extra seat on his 6-seater airplane. Apparently his missionary since 1976 has been flying this plane around the world, but mostly stations in Haiti, after disasters to deliver water purification system and share the gospel. And then Wilshaw offered to fly me to Dallas. So I'm going to stay until Sunday morning. It will be so nice to see him and meet everyone in Dallas. I'll get to see what my next location will be like. And get my fingerprints done!!

I really didn't want to go back to the US. until February at first (because of culture shock), but the flight is free for me and it will be nice to have the break. I know it's only been 3 months, but I'm ready for a tiny break. Amy & I were talking about how it really breaks your heart to see and hear all the sad stories, but after while the "gimmie" attitude (it's not everyone but it's enough that it starts to wear on) and the "rat-race" environment starts to burn you out. We were trying to figure out if we're becoming desensitized or losing compassion. I'm not sure, but I don't want it too because there truly is great need here and there are situations people are in not because of their own doing. I just want to approach it in the right manner because I don't feel like handing money out to people is the solution. I think the biggest problem really is that we live and work in the same place more than people begging- because I ran across lots of people begging in Pittsburgh. So we never feel like we leave work sometimes- I guess it teaches you that your work is your ministry! I feel a little guilty that I get to get away from the craziness here and most Haitians never will. I guess I need to be extra thankful.

So I pray for God to always grant me compassion and to bear with my fellow brothers & sisters in their sufferings. Guide me to know the right thing to do in each situation. Because You clearly place certain people in our paths at certain times because You have something You want us to do for them. Let me not brush those people off in my haste, discomfort, weariness, or any other excuse.

The election results are supposed to come out tonight. Not sure what will happen, but I pray that You will protect Your children. I pray for a revolution in Haiti. It's funny because I did come to Haiti nervous (the U.S. Embassy really tries to scare you) and now I realized I'm more relaxed. Of course there is a lot of bad things that happen (and things really could get very violent with the elections), but I have learned how to play it smart in Haiti and they are doing everything to keep us safe during the elections. But unfortunately it isn't a good spot for tourists. Which is shame because it has beautiful beaches and it could be a good source of income for Haitians. But without being with a trusted organization or trusted Haitians, it really isn't the safest to travel in Haiti. I want to buy Haitian artwork as gifts to support them.

I was so sad to see Audra go this morning. She is such a wonderful doctor. Marc & the doctors have decided the NICU needs to be shut down for now because the nurses are not able (or they just are not) taking care of the babies properly and there is no pediatric doctor on call every night. Audra did a great job but I know it was frustrating for her at times when nurses and the lab didn't do what they were supposed to do. For example, the pharmacy didn't have the anti-seizure medicine overnight, so instead of calling the doctor to see what else they could do, the nurses just would not do anything. And then the next morning Audra would find the babies seizing. And the lab wouldn't draw the labs when she polietly asked, but would get upset when she asked them about it. So it's good that they have hired Marc to organize a program for continuing education for the nurses. Don't get me wrong, there are some amazing nurses here. But in general, I don't know if it's lack of knowledge or care that sometimes follow-up care isn't the best.

But anyway, lol, that's just a couple frustrations. All in all, I am very glad to be here. I am sad that Sondy won't be here much longer after I return, but he needs to return to school. The clinic is very crowded today with having 3 ortho surgeons and a ortho resident. Scott Nelson, the peds ortho surgeon, is back for 2 weeks so a lot of patients came to see him. He was the one here for 6 months post quake. It's a good group though because they know the hospital but are going by what we do now. And they seem respectful. So even though it's busy, it's not bad.

It was fun last night listening to Spanish. There are 2 volunteers from the D.R. I actually can understand more than I thought I would. I think being forced to use another language here is improving my language skill ability. I do love spanish, but my speaking skills are rusty. Well, that's all on my mind (I know it's a lot)

7/12/10 (1830)

Something is so joyful about discovering/understanding more of God's truth. Sometimes I give up on trying to understand because it's hard and it's time consuming. But if I am going to make God number one in my life, then how else can I get to know You and Your truth. For me, prophecy is one of the hardest and most challenging things to comprehend. I'm glad for the guides to help me along, but You granting me understanding is what I need. Not so I can be puffed up with prideful knowledge, but so I know what's coming and how to prepare. It's like the Israelite's misinterpreted or did not study the prophecies that were describing Jesus, and then they missed who Jesus really was. I don't want to do the same thing about the prophecy You have given us about the future.

Now, I like this question posed: Do I make decisions based on passions & emotions or logic, reason, rational thinking. Or both. I like the example of David in 1 Samuel 26:5-11 versus 2 Samuel 11. What a drastic change in him. Power and authority lead him astray. What might be leading me astray: Seeking friendships (even Christian friendships) and filling my time with business over seeking God first. Those are the main two. I think God gave us passion and emotions because he didn't want to create robots. Now we can feel joy, excitement, happiness as well as sadness, disappointment, anger, and anxiety. Even though it's hard to deal with the latter group at times, it's better than not having any emotion. And our passions can help us to be productive and make a change. So it's up to us if we choose to be lead moment by moment by the Holy Spirit or not. So that answers the above question for me. Unfortunately too often than I like to admit I don't seek the Spirit in difficult or good times so I make decisions based on my emotions and my logic/reason  without seeking God. I can't change the past, but seek to do better everday.

I had such a great bible study and a wonderful flight from Haiti to Fort Pierce, Florida today with a wonderful Christian pilot. I am starting my vacation days off wonderful. I woke up at 5am and left for the airport at 6:30 and somehow we got there by 7:15. The traffic is not that bad at 6am, so now I know when to travel in PaP.

Joe Hurston is such a joyful Christian man who uses many ways to minister. He is a pilot and founded, Air Mobile Relief Mission (http://dieunika.blogspot.com), which has one 6-seater airplane named Ti Bourik (Little Donkey in Kreyol). It flies all around the world to deliver water purification systems to areas after disasters and shares the gospel. He's been a pilot for 30 years and he's an excellent one. They have mostly been working in Haiti since 1976, so he speaks Kreyol. He knew the Hodges (the doctor who founded Good Samaritan's hospital in Limbe, where I spent 2 weeks). I guess the Lopital Adventiste has taken care of Joe's wife many times, so he is fond of it Amy told me. So he stopped by for a visit on Sunday and told Nathan he had an extra seat. So instead of going to the D.R., they decided to send me to Florida. Joe doesn't charge anyone that he takes on the flight (he said his pride doesn't let him), so I'd like to donate to his missionary when I start making money again.

So it was a a friend of Joe's son, 2 Haitian air-traffic control men, and myself besides Joe on the little plane. We started the flight with prayer. Joe did everything to make us comfortable. There was a lot of wind, so he had to fly lower and make a pit stop at Exuma Island in the Bahamas to refuel. So now I can say I've been in the Bahamas. He knew almost everyone there because he's been doing that since 1976. We flew along the Bahamas and I had no idea it was really that long! The color of the water was prettier than I can describe it. As well as the sky line. It never ceases to amaze me, and to think Heaven is going to be even better.

Flying over Haiti I was able to recognize some things from the air. The one Haitian, Junior, was laughing because he said "I think you know the landscape of Haiti better than me." Probably not, but I somehow have traveled to many parts of Haiti (didn't even plan on it).

Then when we got out of the airplane in Florida, my body also went into shock with the 55 degree weather. I had goosebumps all over, lol. You have to understand I haven't felt weather below 75 degrees (except for my shower) in 6 months. And I don't have any warm clothes so I had a summer skirt and sandles. I'll have to make a pit stop at goodwill for a pair of warm pants.

So I thought I would have more culture shock but I actually didn't. As much as I'm enjoying my time in Haiti, it's always nice to go home (or be around friends & family). I got out before the election results were released, so I pray for that situation. I learned that the area I'm living in PaP is the 2nd worse (poverty striken) area in PaP to Cite Soliel (Cite Soliel is the most poverty striken and dangerous spot in the Western Hemisphere. Used to be in the world at one point, but I think the middle east & other places have it beat now). So I guess that helps explains some things. I didn't know that.

Apparently a lot of families will try everything, like seeing the witch doctor, before coming to the hospital. So the patient, esp. the babies, are very bad off when they get here since they don't come here first. But apparently the Haitians like to sue (or whatever term they use) if the baby dies because they blame it on the last medicine that was given. So sometimes the Haitian doctors are slow to start aggressive treatment because if the baby dies without treatment, then they can't be blamed (so unfortunate that it's like that because of that). These babies chances of survival even with aggressive treatment is so-so here, so I guess they have to make that call of who to try to treat aggressively. Apparently they don't blame the foreigners for their babies dying though (even though they're doing almost the same thing the Haitian MD's would do).

Oh, and another random story is that apparently patients were throwing trash in the cholera toilets, so the machine wouldn't collect the stool. So now someone has to manually (by hand), go in and remove the trash from the cholera stool. So glad that's not going to be me.

Oh, I forgot to mention that Joe also drove me to the airport. We got in 2 hours later than planned, so he was going 85 mph down the highway. We got there at 3:40 pm and my flight was at 4:35pm. Luckily I didn't have to check any bags, but the security line was super long! But I tried to be patient and figure God would work it out even if I missed the flight (since he's worked out everything else). I got to the terminal at 4:12 and they were just finishing unloading the previous flight. I made it in time and had time to get lunch. I'm so excited to see Wilshaw. I think sometimes last minute plans make it super exciting because it wasn't something you were expecting. Although it's not good practice to follow because the flights cost a lot more the day before. I found a ticket from Miami to PaP (for when I return) for $180, but I had to wait for Nathan's approval since Loma Linda University would be paying for it. Well, by the way we bought it about 2 or 3 hours later, it cost $260. Crazy! So God, I know that's a lot of money and there are people who don't have enough money for clean water and food in Haiti. So I need to be humble and thankful that I get this opportunity.

Well, the flight is descending! Yea!! Also, I just thought of paved roads. Hallelujah- what a difference that makes!

9/12/10 (1130)

I am so thankful for this morning to sleep in, study Your word, relax, and play with Pepper (Wilshaw's cousin's dog). Nicky and Ian (Wilshaw's cousin), house is gorgeous and I'm very thankful they've allowed me to stay here. I'm not used to the cold so I'm here very cold even though it's really not that cold compared to Pennsylvania.

I think being in Haiti that God is teaching me how to balance my viewpoint, not be so cynical towards America, and not to judge those who choose to live in luxury. While I still think that living in excess comfort can be dangerous spiritually, I realized that most people (including Haitians), would choose to seek that first over helping their fellow brothers (as we can see the rich Haitians don't do much for their fellow countrymen that are suffering). And a lot of greed, corruption, etc is everywhere (I guess in my mind I thought America was the worst...but sin is the same everywhere, unfortunately. It just comes out in different ways in different places, but Jesus is the same solution for everyone and everywhere). So I'm not saying it's right no matter where you live, but it's helping me not to be judgmental because God is the judge, not us. He said the way we judge is the way we will be judged by Him. So I'll leave the judging up to Him. And I can't feel guilty about where I come from, but just try not to live above my means/needs.

Right now, in Haiti they are protesting because Jude Celestin was one of the top 2 presidential candidates from Nov. 28th election. There were 19 candidates and for one person to win this election, they needed to get more than 50% of the votes. Since no one did, they take the top 2 winners and vote between them in January. The person with the highest votes was Mirlande Manigat, and then Jude Celestin. And then less than 1% behind Jude Celestin was Michel Martelly. Well the riots are mainly Jude Celestin supporters and Michel Martelly supporters because it's believed that Jude Celesti rigged the results into winning (well, I believe it because one of the translators told me he was offered money to vote for Jude). Jude Celestin is engaged to the current president's, Rene Preval, daughter. So of course that is a little suspicious. So that's why people are so upset and protesting. Also if Celestin won he wouldn't do anything different than the current president is doing (which isn't much to help & make changes). I don't like to get involved with politics, but whoever wins this one will make a big difference for Haiti during this recovering phase. All in all, I pray that people truly turn to You instead of voo-doo and other things.

In contrast, I am relaxing comfortably in a fancy and expensive house. I'm not judging their choose, but I know this isn't for me. I think being away from the comfort I'm used to and undergoing various trials has lead me to grow closer to God. My friend Lindsay asked me how my walk with God was and she told me she always feels closer to God overseas because (paraphrased) in those times when you are not living comfortably and undergoing trials, we are often closest to God. But it's a hard concept. I don't think everyone has to live in another country necessarily for that to happen, but I think undergoing trials really does make us grow closer to God if we seek Him.

Tuesday night, Wilshaw took me for Mexican food. Double yum! And then Wednesday I went to his work. His co-workers are nice and fun to be around. We had breakfast and lunch together. They ordered Pad Thai. So I've had my fill- Mexican and Thai food. I met Dr. Rathjen again (one of the top specialty pediatric orthopedic surgeons I worked with in Haiti for a week). Apparently when Wilshaw emailed him to tell him I was coming, he emailed back within an hour and said to have me come visit him. He said I helped him out a lot. I don't necessary remember what I did for his group (we get new groups every week), but I'm thankful that I was able to help them. He was asking if I applied for a job in the hospital yet. Well, I think I would get a job knowing him, but I'm not sure yet if I want to work in orthopedics. I'd like to get some ICU experience.

Wilshaw and I did some shopping errands, including my fingerprints, yea!! So nice to wear a pair of jeans. I haven't in 3 months. We rented the movie "babies" and enjoyed leftovers. It's nice to be around my best friend. The time will go fast though. I'm getting things done while he's working. I'm going to pick pictures out to print for some patients & Haitian friends, practice Kreyol, and read. I am glad for another day to relax. Lord, please be with my friends in Haiti.


10/12/10 (1137)

How excellent is God's name. How righteous and holy are His ways. How short I fall of His standards, so the greatest gift is grace through Jesus Christ. There is lots of deception in this world and how detrimental it can be to let down my guard. I always need to be on my toes and testing the things I read or hear. Lord, I am very bad at sharing with those around me what I am learning from You. May You give me the confidence to do this. And help Wilshaw & I to keep You in the center and us to be 2 sinners saved by Your grace at Your feet seeking Your truth. Work in our hearts and guide our conversations. I can see why marriage is supposed to help make you more like God if you allow it too. Being in a relationship brings out the best and worst in you and forces you to acknowledge the ugly sin because it affects that other person. You might be able to hide it better if you are single. And then to hopefully repent from it so your relationship can function better and we become more like Christ. Well, I'm not clearly an expert in this arena (since I'm not married), but it's something to think about since that might be what God has in store for me and Wilshaw in the future. Marriage will be worth it, but it's not something to take lightly that's for sure!

Help me Lord, not to be bossy, easily annoyed over silly things, and unintentionally tearing someone down (even though my intention was to help them change). That's an ugly side in me sometimes (Wilshaw knows, unfortunately it comes out in front of him sometimes). I think as humans we can often put a lot of pressure on each other over things that only God can fulfill in our life. It's hard at times because living as You desire us is going against the grain of culture. We need You to help us do that.

It was such a blessing to meet up with Dr. Mike, Anna, and Jenny at the Korean restaurant. I worked with the 3 of them the same week as Dr. Ranthjen. Dr. Mike is finishing up his fellowship at the Scottish Rite Hospital (that's where Wilshaw works if I didn't mention that before). They are Christians as well, and it was great talking to them. May You bless Mike and Anna's new move/ministry to Philadelphia next year. I am excited to know Jenny because she is a nurse that works at Children's.

So I was excited because I got the pictures printed for the patients, but then I got a call that the flights to PaP were canceled through Sunday. And then I couldn't get a flight back until Friday. I actually really wanted to get back by Monday (to hand out the pictures and say bye to those not returning), so I pray for a flight to open earlier. But I won't let it discourage me because all things work out for Your good, Lord. Well, at least I'll get more time here in Texas with Wilshaw. I will rejoice in each day!

Week 13

28/11/10 (0847)

It's a brand new week! I am thankful for the bible study books I have. Brian lent me a book on the end time delusions. I pray for wisdom and insight into this topic. There are a lot of false theories and misinterpretations. I am also glad for a wonderful nights rest on the roof. I never get tired of the beautiful sun, moon, stars, and sky that You have formed. It's like the song "O Lord my God, when I in awesome wonderful, consider all the worlds Thy hands have made." (How Great Thou Art).

I dawned on me that I'm going to feel so cooped up when I go home. I am used to buildings without windows and half walls. Everything is not enclosed so that you get a breeze since there is no A/C. And I'm sleeping on a hospital bed that is actually comfortable. I finally found a pillow! I was just using some clothes before.

I was laughing when I thought about when Phillip, one of the CBM (rehab techs), showed one of his patients a picture of another patient that was in worse off condition than that patient in order to motivate the patient to get moving and stop complaining. Lol, I wish I could use that technique back home, but that would definitely break HIPPA.

Well, it's time to start this election day.

29/11/10 (1355)

I enjoyed going around this morning with Sondy and Wendia to read bible verses to the patients in Kreyol (I had the kids read it because their pronunciation is better). It's a slow Monday because it's the day after the election and we still don't have an anesthesiologist and working C-arm. We did all the wound vac changes yesterday so there really isn't much medically to do today.

It is funny because everyone who voted has a black permanent mark on their thumb. Apparently that is their way of knowing if you voted already. Definitely makes it obvious who voted and who didn't. Can you imagine them doing that in America. I've only seen 2 people who have voted so far. A lot of people said they didn't bother voting because nothing would change anyway.

Last night I read my milk book and spoke to Marc for awhile. I am fighting a cold so I had to take it easy today. Unfortunately I passed my cold on to Sondy. So I gave him juice and oatmeal since I made him sick. We sat outside last night and chatted. I really love those 2 kids. I think I really like the ages 11 and 12. They're still somewhat innocent but old enough to be able to do more.

Lord, a good question to reflect on is what do my actions make people think. Do I represent You with my actions. Some times I think yes, sometimes no. And the difference is when am I living in the spirit and when I am not. It is good to keep in mind that actions speak louder than words.

30/11/10 (0721)

I can't believe it's the last day in November!! The time is flying. I'll be happy to see my friends and family in less than 3 months, but I will miss some things here. The friends I'm making and speaking Kreyol. As the Christmas season approaches and it doesn't feel like "normal" Christmas scene for me (It's 80-90 degrees, no Christmas songs, and no Christmas lights), it makes you realize what the real meaning of Christmas is for those who celebrate it as the birth of Christ. It's good to reflect on all that You did on this earth!

I like the idea that through us interceding in prayer for those unable or unwilling, that we learn compassion as we pray for them. And as we pray for those that may not like us, we are also able to bless someone who is cursing us when we allow the Spirit to lead us. Then God intercedes in situations that Satan had control of people. The example was Abigail interceding for her husband, who really didn't deserve it because he was lazy and a fool. So the same for us we are not interceding because we will gain something out of it or the because the person deserves it (in human terms). We didn't deserve Jesus to die on the cross for our sins, but God has so much compassion for us that He sent his sinless son Jesus to bear all our sins so that we may live eternally with Him. So I know I need to spend more time in prayer for others. In the morning, throughout the day, and at night. It's like the bible verse "Pray without ceasing." Prayer being communication with God. It keeps our thoughts, and thus our actions, on godly things.

I love the group of people here. There were 9 of us doing pilates in the hallway yesterday. So fun! And I love how we have been cooking and eating together. We had another slow day again today. So I had lots of time to sit down and practice Kreyol today.

4/12/10 (0811)

Wow, it's been awhile since I've written in my journal. I'm so glad that even though I didn't get a lot of sleep that I feel awake, refreshed, and joyful this Sabbath morning. It's enjoyable to be around others who keep the Sabbath too because it makes it a joy more than something that causes me to have to miss out on things. I was glad to go to divine service with Sondy again. I am glad for my bible lesson studies to provoke learning more about God and His truth. There is so much in the scriptures to learn! You can never be finished learning. And you truly can learn something new about verses every time.

There were so many thoughts I wanted to shared, but now I can't remember them all. One story was when some of the Haitian female cleaning staff pointed out my phone on the pocket near my breast. They said that's no good because it causes cancer. I just thought it was so generous and good that they have that idea. Oh...and I also decided that I don't like being in charge of other adults. I wouldn't want to be a manager or charge nurse. Yesterday I had to mention to Onaphee, one of the best nurses at the hospital, that this patient still needs the antibiotic (no one gave it the day before). It wasn't her working the day before but she still got defensive about it. It's hard because she's my friend and I wasn't trying to blame here. Just inform here that the patient still needed the antibiotic. Well, I know there were many more thoughts and observations but I can't think of them right now.

4/12/10 (2241)

Today was such a blessing even though I didn't get to get away from the hospital (it's been 1 month since I've gone anywhere except the Delimart). I was supposed to go to Stella's house but she forgot about something she had to do. After lunch today we listened to a sermon. Then Marc & I headed to our only "oasis" here, the roof, for a nap and reading. Sam's mom made us food for dinner. Delicious!! We ate on the roof and chatted for a couple hours on God. It was truly a blessing. I don't think I've really ever had this type of group- Marc, Brian, and Audra. We have grown close over a short period of time (since we are around each other 16/7....I took 8 hours off for sleep but even then we are around each other sometimes when we sleep on the roof). So we feel comfortable talking about more personal things and many topics of the bible. It is really helping me grow as a Christian and have accountability. We talked about many things- if ignorance is a good or bad thing (spiritually and in terms of what is happening in the world), drums/worship styles, our behavior affecting how others view us as Christians and ultimately how they then view God.

I have learned: 1) I need to be the thermometer, not the temperature when someone is upsetting me (keep my cool). 2) I need to share what I am learning with others. 3)I need to study the verses that confuse me for myself in depth until I feel like God gives me understanding. 4) I need to understand the concepts behind all the things we do/obey as a church (it's good to know why you do what you do. See where it is in scripture and the guidance of the Holy Spirit - even the little things. To see/resolve differences. Is it a matter of salvation or opinion/preference). 5) I need to allow the Holy Spirit to work in me over issues He may be trying to teach/convict me.

So I feel refreshed even though I did not get to leave. We are going somewhere next weekend, we've all decided. So after talking to Marc, I think I might be interested in being a PA (Physician Assistant). Apparently, you have to specialize as a Nurse Practitioner so if you wanted to switch specialties you would have to go back to 2 more years of school. As a PA, you can just do a fellowship for any specialty if you wanted to switch. I am still going to do floor nursing for a couple more years, but I know I can't do it my whole life (mostly because of the cliques and cattiness of the co-workers. Marc said it was like that in the ICU too).

I am glad that I have set up a routine here. Exercises M, W, F. Group bible study W, F. Kreyol lessons Tu, Thur. Cook and blog on Sunday. It's nice to have a little more structure. I never had structure back home because of my rotating work schedule. It's a little frustrating that I cannot just go to the market by myself now that I can ask how much it cost and I know the numbers and names of the fruits & vegetables. I feel bad asking Mac all the time because he does so much for us all. It's just the overcharge us way to much. There is no set price, so they charge you what they think you can afford. Being a blan automatically makes the price 2 or 3 times the normal. If you've dressed extra nice as a Haitian they charge you more too. I told Mac he needed to dress down when he goes shopping for us. For example, the lady at first wanted to charge us 10 Haitian dollar for 1 papaya (which his $1.20 USD) she brought it down to 8 HD ($1 USD), which is just ridiculous price for here. It's hard because I don't like supporting us getting completely ripped off. It's hard because I know the Haitians struggle day to day to just survive at times, but I don't think it means we should pay way more than it's worth just because we have more money. I like to support their businesses and economy. I dunno...I'm open for discussion about this. 

I really am enjoying the Dietrich's (the Ortho doctor and his wife). I didn't realize they were 65. They look and act a lot younger. They have a lot of energy and Dr. Dietrich how so much passion still for orthopedics. It inspires me to find the job I love so I can be most effective. And being here makes you realize how much opportunity we really do have in America. I know right now opportunities are more limited because of the economy and lots of people who can't find jobs, but in general we have way more opportunities, especially as women.

And variety of so much. Especially food- the first thing I want back in America is Mexican food! I've been craving a taco salad!! And variety in things to do for fun and things to learn.

Apparently voodoo was also made an official religion here. The current president practices voodoo. And I guess a lot of people who go to church services go just because of fear of voodoo. Apparently it affects even the Christians here and they have superstitions because of it. Apparently a lot of evil comes out of voodoo. We were talking about how much should you know about the secular culture and other religions of places you are ministering in. Marc said you don't want to know more about voodoo or you will have nightmares. I believe her on that one, but she also said if we have faith in God we have no reason to fear. We know He has won the battle over evil already. We were talking about how  for things to truly change in Haiti (and America too), it needs to be a change in the mindset of faith and trust in God. And turning away from idols and things like voodoo. Because Haiti didn't start falling apart after the earthquake. Unfortunately it has been falling apart for many years.

It's sad to see the children not get what they should deserve (clean water, food, education, etc). And I think it's hard for parents because some of them feel like their children would have a better opportunity of survival and opportunity in America so people have asked us as foreigners to adopt their children. My patient Jonas asked me if I wanted his 2 children. He felt that since he lost his leg he will not be able to support his family anymore. It does make you wonder why some people have to suffer more than others, but God we know You love all Your children equally and You want us all to join You eternally. So You make that opportunity equal for everyone. So no matter what situation we have to live in or endure here on earth, we all have the chance of living with You eternally in Heaven. We are called to bear with each other and help each other out on this earth. It will never be fair and perfect on this earth because of sin, but we can do our part to have compassion on each other and not to be selfish. The two great commands are "Love Thy God with all your heart, soul, and strength. And the second is to love thy neighbor as thyself."

We're sleeping on the roof again tonight. It's actually a little chilly. I'm like a Haitian now- thinking it's cold when it's 70 degrees. And I don't think it's rained in weeks. I'm so used to rain a couple times a week in Pittsburgh. Well, I know there were other stories I wanted to share, but I can't remember them anymore.