Week 5

10/3/10 (0951)

      It was so wonderful to walk to church with brother Tiga yesterday. And to see the church packed (about 300 people or more) at 9am ready for church! I even saw someone bring her own chair. I was squeezed in tight with some females about my age. Everyone around was friendly, even though we could not communicate too much. They gave the hymnal in french to me to try to sing along. The Pastor spoke some English, so he had me stand up and introduce myself to everyone. He told me to tell my Church back home that they are keeping the word of God in Haiti.

      I think it was funny because the few words I knew were said often. “tout moun” (Everybody) was said a bunch of times. I guess you don't notice how often words are said in your native language, but you do when you only understand a couple words. Brother Tiga showed me his house and I met his family. Li gason (his son) is in medical school. He is such a friendly guy. It was neat walking through Limbe. It's not overcrowded and congested like PaP. The pace is much more relaxed. It was my first time out of the compound in one week, so that was nice!

      I was exhausted, so I took a 2 hour nap, read, and spoke to Wilshaw. It was a much needed “hang-out” time for us. As much as I love being in Haiti, I am really looking forward to coming home and marrying Wilshaw in the next year or two. Being here has confirmed that. I don't feel like I'm being led to long term missionary nursing at this time in my life. If God would lead Wilshaw and I to serve in Haiti in the future (as a married couple), then I'd definitely go. I'd like to stay actively involved in Haiti. That is the beauty of Haiti being close to the states.

      It's been almost 4 weeks that I've been in Haiti. It's almost hard to believe that it has been that long. I still wish I could speak and understand the language better...but in due time. I'm not sure what the work is going to be like this week, Lord, but I pray for direction, guidance, and protection. I want to be Jesus hands, feet, eyes, & mouth in Haiti. I know God is at work in my life. I lift up prayer requests for Haiti, friends, and family in Jesus name.


10/5/10 (0804)

      Lord, I need You to give me wisdom, better understanding, and guidance. I'm not sure what is going on here. It is very frustrating at times, so I pray that You will let me know what I should be doing and where I should be. I think you were teaching me all those lessons to trust You because You foresaw what was going to happen.

      It didn't go over well telling Paul and Shawn yesterday that I'm not sure if it's working out here for me. It was a hard conversation to swallow and it left me upset. I spoke with the American coordinator at the Adventist Hospital (who has been here 5 months). She is going to get back to me today or tomorrow. I know we were granted freedom of choice, so Lord, You're not going to make the decision for me. I just pray that it will be clear which is the best choice.

     I appreciate all the people I've met here and I hope they know it is nothing they did. It's hard because I came to Haiti thinking there is so much need, but I'm left here at this hospital feeling un- useful, confused, and frustrated at times. But, I'm working on just going with the flow and doing what I can. There is no need to get frustrated. Well, it's time to start the day. I have to lift my day up to you Christ.

10/7/10 (0800)

      It is wise of me to spend time with God every morning. I spent much longer watching T.V. with the girls last night- although it was nice being around them. I am really thankful for this time with Stella. If I feel that You are calling me to the other hospital, then I will go. Maybe You brought me here just to interact with Stella and Tanise. I'm not sure Lord, but I will miss them. 
 

     The evenings are wonderful, but I'm still not seeing how to go about doing what they want me to do in terms of work. I can't decide what it is. If I'm limiting my own ability or I'm not meant to be here. I just pray for peace over the choice I make. 

      Two more things that Nurse Jonas did that nurses do not do back home- a paracentesis (draining excess fluid from the abdominal cavity) and he cut off an extra skin flap attached to a baby's finger. I braced myself for that one because I knew that blood was going to go flying. Jonas is great to me. I broke down crying on Tuesday and he was very understanding. He told me I was his right hand and that he needed me. He gave me lessons on Tuesday and that was great. I am starting to understand the sentence structure now, but I still have a hard time listening because everyone speaks so fast.

10/8/10 (0855)

      Wonderful Savior, You are so worthy to be praised. Your thoughts and ways are never evil. How I long for the day when no more sin exists. But until that day, you ask of me to trust and obey. The Adventist Hospital in PaP would like to take me and I'm feeling at peace with it. I'm very thankful for the people I've met here- the morning workouts with Stella; Creole lessons; singing songs in English; watching the Spanish channel and movies in French. Visiting the local church. Meeting all the wonderful workers here. I will cherish these moments greatly. “I'll give you a ride home,” is what the girls would say when they wanted to walk me home.

      I hope You will guide them Lord, especially Stella and Papiyon (the ones that have told me they are Christian). It's hard sometimes to do what You ask of us because it makes us different and there are places/things we know we can't do. It's difficult at times, so I pray for them.

      I have learned a lot from Jonas- putting an IV in; giving an IV (intravenous) shot with just a syringe and needle; Draining abscesses; Helping him with paracentesis and suturing; How to use the respirator (it sounds crazy but the hospital I worked in back in Pittsburgh has an IV team and a respiratory team so I couldn't remember how to do these things because I haven't done it since nursing school); his willingness to teach me Creole.

      I hope everyone will understand that I am not leaving because I didn't like them. I really liked the co-workers, but I'm not seeing myself fulfilling what the directors want me to do. I struggle with wanting to please people, instead of focusing on pleasing God so that might be why I feel bad about leaving. God obviously brought me here for a reason, but maybe it wasn't where I was supposed to be.

10/8/10 (2030)

      I am so thankful for the end to another week and a day of rest, fellowship, and worship. Lord, I thank You for this time at HBS Limbe and the wonderful people that I've met. I am sad to leave them, but after speaking with nurse Joy yesterday I've made my decision to go to the Adventist Hospital. Joy is about 50 years old- she came to volunteer at this hospital 25 years ago and she stayed for 1 year. She said it was an amazing experience and she learned so much from Dr. Hodges. But she came back in March after the earthquake this year and she said the hospital has fallen apart. It made her really sad. She said that even though she spoke Creole, she got frustrated at times because management was poor. She said she doesn't want to make any waves, but she thinks this won't be the best place for me. She doesn't think they're set up for foreign nurse volunteers anymore. She gave me the name of a Doctor here in Haiti that lives in the University Seminary that she thinks I should try to talk too. She said he knows most of the health care system around this area in Haiti. So I'm hoping to get the chance to talk to him.

      The Adventist Hospital in PaP said they could use me in the orthopedic clinic, helping take daily census, and organizing the supplies. There is one volunteer room left for me. I like being outside of PaP, but I need to go where I'll learn the most and be the most useful. It's so funny because last week I just wanted to leave this hospital, but now I'm sad to leave because I've made friends with the people. Because You have blessed me thus far, I know You will continue to do so in PaP.

      Oh today, the patient that I got the HIV positive blood facial splash was brought into the clinic hand-cuffed and with 4 police officers & UN police to get his sutures removed. I don't really know what he did, but I don't see why the needed 4 officers. Even back home the prisoners (including the murderers) only come with 2 security guards per prisoner.

      Sometimes I feel like I am making progress at Creole, and other times I get discouraged. I get discouraged at meal times because they speak so fast. I'm not going to lie, it was nice being able to communicate tonight at dinner with the Canadian volunteer. It's not that I don't enjoy being around all the Haitians, it's just taxing when you're trying so hard to understand and you don't even have a clue what they're talking about. I can pick up on random words, but not enough to know the topic. The only topic I've picked up on is “facebook.” Oh dear...it's universal.

      They said at the Adventist Hospital compound that no Haitians live on the compound, so I am going to miss these evenings. There is pluses and minuses to everything/everywhere in life. I pray that You, Lord, Will provide some Haitian female friends. I lift up my old nursing floor (in Pittsburgh) up to You tonight, Lord. Apparently lots of nurses and aides are leaving, so they are understaffed and working unsafely at times. It was already stressful before, so I can't imagine it now. So I guess I can't complain about my “slow” days here.


10/9/10 (2215)

      I am so thankful for this wonderful Sabbath day. A day to rest and spend time in nature. It was such a joy to drive through Your creation- how beautiful it is. Besides the litter (which is not nearly as bad as PaP) and past deforestation of the mountains, the land is untainted out here in the country. Just cement houses in the middle of it. People don't drive as crazy up here. We drove from Limbe to Sho-Sho-Bay (not sure if the spelling is right). I think it's because it was mostly motorcycles on the road. We took 12 people in the pickup truck. I sat in the back on a little bench they added. It's funny because back home I would never do that, but that was my only option. It was fine though. Our driver drove safely despite the unpaved road and large potholes filled with dlo (water). It gave me a great view on the 1 hour drive.

      The beach was absolutely beautiful- soft sand, crystal blue water, and the mountains all around. The water was warm, but it felt wonderful. There is something unique about going to a local Haitian beach that you won't find at a resort. We swam, walked along the beach, and even got to ride in a wooden boat. Oh, by the way it was the director Shawn, a doctor, the other Canadian volunteer, 2 orphan boys, and 4 other boys that are between the ages of 13-17 that went on the trip. The oldest boy spoke some English, so he was practicing with me. It was funny watching the boys sing when we were in the ocean.

      Later on in the day, more Haitians came. It was the spot to be; Drummers and people dancing. The boys were saying to me “Gade” (Watch). I also used my Spanish today when a man was asking for money or food. I told him “No tengo dinero o comida,” which was the truth. I've had a couple Haitians ask me for money, but not too many.

      The other volunteer (who is here for 1 week. She's been here many times and comes to help out in the orphanage) brought toy cars that she handed out. The kids loved it. It was fun watching them. The three orphan boys (Reese, Givenson, and I'm blanking on the other name), loved the ocean. They are between the ages of 4-6. Except Reese doesn't like the car and he got car sick. We had sandwiches and sugar cane for lunch. I still haven't mastered the best way to enjoy the sugar cane. I think it's because I just grew up with refined sugar and didn't have to work that hard for it!

      Our ride back was interesting because it started down pouring rain. The driver took out a tarp for us, which all 10 of us proceeded to squeeze together in about a 4'X5' space to get under the tarp that we held over our heads. We were all cramped, but no one was complaining. At least we stayed dry. I didn't think I would have as much culture shock  when I come back to America this time in February, but I realized today that I will. I feel adjusted to Haitian culture and way of life. I'm still learning though!

      All in all, it was just a wonderful day to share with others. Even though my skin is burnt (even with 50 SPF sunscreen), it was worth the day. At dinner, the doctors pointed out my “1st-degree” burn and I said “yes, I know that is the problem with white skin.” I spoke with Dr. Marvelo for awhile after dinner (about sports, festivals, residency, etc ) and then hung out with the ladies. We practiced Creole. I know I need to try harder on learning my Creole. It's just hard sometimes.