Week 12

21/11/10 (2330)

Whew, I have to start going to bed earlier! But I've had a refreshing weekend and I'm ready for another work week. We did rounds this morning- dressing changes and fixed antiobiotic orders. I was so happy that I got a breakfast from the kitchen today, Noodle soup! I took a nap, finally finished updating my blog, and typed up the census. I got pulled into a couple other medical things that needed done. One of the hospital workers ended up having seizures, but they were able to stop them.

And we had a 10-year old girl come in with a possible bone infection after an IO (intraosseous) IV was left in too long. An IO IV is started when the person is so dehydrated you cannot find a vein and the person needs fluid resusication (this girl had cholera earlier in the week). They said the cholera was over and she did not need special precautions, but the mom was still scared. I wish I could have comforted her more. Everyone was pouring bleach all around her bed after she had one bowel movement.

I got to speak with my family and I spent 45 minutes speaking to some of the patients in Kreyol. It was so fun! The guy was asking me to take him back to U.S and he would be my maid. I brought my computer and we listened to music. Sondy, the 12-year old boy who has been here since September, has a roomate again. And her mom stays there so now Sondy has a mom to take care of him again. I'll have to keep an extra eye on him now that Elinor is leaving tomorrow (she was pretty much being his mom). All the patients are going to miss her because they keep asking about her today.

I need to keep up with studying Kreyol every night. Things get busy and I don't do that! I forgot to mention we all cooked together last night and played a game. I enjoy the little family we have formed here. Even though things get a little crazy here at times, we are supportive of one another. I'm glad for that. We laugh and have fun all the time.

22/11/10 (1300)

I am so glad for a calmer monday! I am able to take time with patients and enjoy them. And to enjoy talking with the CBM crew (the physical therapy group). And Jessica is working with me to teach me the ropes because she leaves in December before Christmas. I'm possibly thinking of staying 3 extra months here if there would be a need for me and I had the funds to do it. I'd like to have more time to learn the language. But in due time God will show me if that is what He wants.

I love all the long term patients. It's nice to get to know your patients and interact with them for awhile. As well as see their progress. Metelo walked down the hallway for the first time today in one month. I was so happy to see that and I had to get a picture! Well, time to head to work.

23/11/10 (2310)

Our heavenly Father is the most perfect Father that any of us can ask for. Even though my parents are not perfect (because no one is), I feel fortunate to have loving, nonabusive parents that often go above and beyond for me! And to have siblings that will be there for me if needed no matter our differences or if we haven't talked in awhile. I need to care for and honor my parents! As well as care for my siblings. There are many practical ways to do that and I need to implement them. Sometimes I get so busy here that I don't call or check up on them as much as I should.

Today was another relaxed day, although the hospital is overflowing with medical patients. There are 4 German patients with Dengue Fever. So we had to move Jonas, the AKA patient leaving tomorrow, out into the hallway to sleep on the cot tonight because we needed his room. We have other patients downstairs in the hallway too.

Dr. Dietrich and his wife are nice! He's willing to teach me things, he's calm, and takes his time with patietns. He's been working mostly with her in the clinic, but I told him to let me know if there is something he wants me to do. I had a patient, a 22 year old male, today who spoke English. It was nice to be able to fully communicate with him and at first I missed the aspect of being able to completely communicate with my patients. He had a bunch of abrasions on his face so I was cleaning them off (because he broke one wrist and the other forearm so he couldn't use his arms) and putting ointment on them. But then when I asked him if he wanted some on his lips (which were banged up), he said "No, but you can take care of that yourself." So I decided, I'm glad to have a 6-month break from fully understanding my patients, lol! Oh, and another time I overheard a Haitian male say to a translator (in English), "I like the way she walks" when I was walking towards them. The translator quickly and quietly said "Oh no, she's a Chrisitan." I'm super glad that's my reputation around here. Glad they know that and respect that.

The patients I really love talking to are the children...and females! We have 2 long term peds patients now- Sondy and Wendia. They are so adorable! I have fun sitting in their room and chatting. And I love it when Wendia plays with my hair! Tonight, I also visited with Jonas and his wife since he is leaving tomorrow. It's a good time to practice my Kreyol and connect with the patients. I cooked sphagetti tonight and shared some with nurse Onaphee.

I fit in a run with Audra and a Kreyol session with Mac. And I spoke with Wilshaw- wow it's been a good day! Audra is a 2^nd year pediatric resident doing a rotation here for one month. She is great! We ran outside of the compound at the Adventist University Campus- no problems, just lots of stares!

24/11/10 (0912)

Lord, I think the devil messes with our emotions to try to distract us! I think when I'm sleepy it's even worse. I think I'm still catching up from last week's craziness. We sent home 2 of our long term motorcycle accident patients, Jonas and Metelo. Sad, but happy to see them go. I changed my first wound vac today with Sondy. I think, I mean I know, he knew how to change it better than me! Kids are the best to learn on though- well if they don't have overbearing parents. But that's not a problem here. Parents here basically tell their kids to stop crying and let us to our thing. They know what we are doing is helping their kid even if we are causing temporary pain to get the kid better.

Today, my bible study was about taking 2^nd place. Even though I wouldn't say that I'm a very competitive person, it is hard to control the feelings of rejection, envy, and hate at times. I need to be close to You so that my self worth is from You and not what the world gives. Because the world won't always respect me or I won't always get what I think I deserve. So every moment of every day I need to actively seek You. You will give me my self worth and purpose.

I was just thinking of happy Sondy- how he has parents who really don't come visit him and when they do, they barely give him any money for food (I've been told his dad works a lot to support his wife). I don't know the reason why (I think it's a difficult/complicated family situation), but it's sad to see a 12-year old boy have no one to give him food and wash his clothes when he has parents that are alive and capable. The patients here get fed once a day here, but laundry is not done. We were talking last night and he told me his clothes were "sal", dirty. For a 12-year old boy to tell you his clothes are dirty, they are way beyond needing cleaning. And his sheets hadn't been changed in a long time. And if it wasn't for his previous roomate's parents feeding him, he would only be eating once a day. Yet despite all this, he is always happy. The only time I saw him sad was when he was left alone in his room on his birthday. He never complains of pain, only grate (itchiness!). Instead of crying or yelling when his leg hurts (when we change the wound vac), he just starts giggling. It's so cute.

I am so thankful for the wonderful support system I have back home. Their emails and words have touched me so much. I don't know all of their situations, but I lift them up to You. I praise You for all the wonderful people You have provided in my life.

26/11/10 (2310)

I had an excellent thanksgiving day! Sometimes I think it's thanksgiving days like these that make you realize all that you have and all the reasons you have to be thankful. We worked half a day and then we cooked. Well I guess I didn't really help cook, I went out shopping with Audra, Azaria, and Mac. The market was fun except they were trying to charge me to much, so we waited outside and had Mac buy the food for us. We had almost everything except a turkey (stuffing with veggie meat, mashed potatoes and gravy, string bean casserole, yams, cranberries). And it was great that it was all made with 3 hot pads and the prostetika oven (the oven used to mold prothesis legs). And it was just a blessing to sit down with a new formed family to say grace, sing a song of thanksgiving, and share a wonderful meal. I love how Dr. Dietrich will start a song after we pray. And Marc had put little thankful sayings on pieces of paper below the plates. It just felt like this thanksgiving meant so much more than usual because I wasn't expecting all of that. It was also my first day in 10 weeks that I didn't eat rice and beans. I realized what a priveledge it is to be able to eat a variety of foods. Rice and beans is the cheapest meal here in Haiti and some people have no other choice. I miss tacos and pad thai the most!

I got to speak to Jenny and see Manuelito on skype. I miss them and it was so exciting that he could count to ten in Spanish and English. I also got to say hello to my family and Grandma. Then, Audra and I worked on making the cherry pie while everyone else played games. That was fun just listening to music and talking with her. And making pie without all the tools necessary. Being here in Haiti has taught me to learn to make do when you don't have all that you think you need. The pie ended up being delicious!

Then, this morning Audra and I got up for a 5:30 am run and abd workout. It's nice running with her and then we could run off campus. We worked another half day. We don't have anesthesia this week so we couldn't do many surgeries. He did a few necessary ones with the Haitian anesthesiologist. The hospital is kind of split between the orthopedic service and everything else. The orthopedic service is all free, so that is why it has been run by volunteers. CURE is paying for all the orthopedic care. So if they need a Haitian anesthesiologist they have to pay them, so they only do that if it's urgent and we don't have a volunteer anesthesiologist. The hospital doesn't make any money off of the orthopedic patients, so they don't like if we take up too much room. Understable though because the hospital does need money to function. And of course the Haitian doctors are not going to work for free- they don't make the amount of money doctors do back home (of course I know they don't have as many students loans...but once those loans are paid off, doctors in America make a good amount more than experienced doctors here- even accounting for the difference in cost of living). We were told the Haitian General surgeon that comes here to do surgeries makes about the equivalent of $60 USD for each surgery that he does. And he has to travel a long way to get here to do a surgery so it's really not that much profit. They are in the process of trying to have enough money to hire him as a full time staff.

So the orthopedic census is low this week, but I'm not complaining because I needed a slower week. So this afternoon we went to the hotel nearby to eat, swim, and relax. I got a coke and plantans. Then I sat by the pool to practice my Kreyol. Mac found me a Kreyol dictionary for 35 goudes so that'd been nice to have.

On our way back home (around sunset), Audra needed to stop at the delimart. So Brian, Marc, and I waited outside. While we were waiting, a political parade started up down the middle of the street. Marc overheard the Haitian men behind us say "Let's get out of here because we don't want to be near the blancs." So Marc got Audra and we left. Marc said some Haitians don't like the NGO's (they think the NGO's are taking profit from Haiti or something along those lines), so any foreigner is a possible target during election time. People were driving extra crazy! But we arrived safely back home.

We cooked a delicious meal and I spoke to Wilshaw. I need to make a better effort to keep our relationship strong. It's hard at times because I try to do so much and sometimes I don't feel like I don't even do everything I wanted. But that's life no matter where you are! But, today, I made sure Sondy's clothes and sheets were washed. Then tonight I hung out with Sondy, Wendia, Andre, and Wendia's mom. They sang in French and prayed to start the sabbath. Then we just had fun talking. It was nice having the dictinoary because then we could look up words if I didn't understand.

27/11/10 (1450)

I am so thankful for God's grace and mercy. Whenever I stir away from Him, He always takes me back. I would be eternally condemend if not for Jesus sacrifice. I think what starts out as good intentions (being busy helping others, studying Kreyol, making time for Wilshaw and other friendships) keeps me occupied and pulls me away from much needed time with God to keep building a stronger relationship. I think sometimes I get tricked into thinking that I'm not serving God if I'm not helping others. But really in order to be a witness of God, I need to know God personally. So I shouldn't feel unfruitful for spending however long I need to understand His word better. For what I learn and meditate on will change me to be more like God so I can shine God's love to others. And nothing I do matters in the end if I do not know Jesus as a personal Savior and friend. I need to make a solid time to study deeper the scriptures, meditate on them, and spend more time in pray. Not as a ritual, but as a way to know God more and grow closer to Him.

I really appreciate all the other Christians here and the support they provide, but that I know that never replaces your own relationship with God. It's also nice to have Nathan, Brian, and Dr. Dietrich as male Christian leaders here. I really respect these brothers in Christ and all that they are teaching me. And seeing their close relationship with You and the time they give to studying Your word is a good leadership example I need. I really appreciate their leadership in bible study, prayers, talks, and decisions. I'm not against women being leaders too, but there is something right about having the males be the ultimate leaders and not having the women overpower the Godly lead men (God does ask the male to be the leader and I can see why...it works well that way if they are men seeking to follow God). But, let me tell you, the females here are teaching me so much too! Everyone is wonderful and we all add our spice to the pot!

It dawned on me today as I was sitting in the French/Kreyol service today with Sondy and Wendia, that they are the next generation of Haitians. I pray deeply for them because they are going to face lots of challenges in their lifetime. I pray that they will continue to choose Your path for them and they will be the salt and light to their country.

I was so glad they had a 20-30 minutes teaching session on cholera in between Sabbath school and divine service today. I could understand a fair amount, especially because they had a powerpoint presentation, and the information was detailed and good. I could understand some of the sermon, but not enough to get the main gist yet. In time, I will be able to hopefully. I am so glad that God is providing me the ability to learn the language.

So, now, I am just using this day to rest, study, and keep my thoughts on God. I know I always want to get out and do things, visit friends, etc, but sometimes it's good to take the time to study and grow. I am really enjoying this book on "love and respect." It's true as women, we don't realize how we say and do things can be very disrespectful towards our boyfriends or husbands. I'll admit to it! We don't mean it as disrespect most of the time (we usually mean it out of love because we know they need to change, etc) but it doesn't make it right.

Well, it's time to pray! I have lots of praises and prayer requests in Jesus name!

Week 11

14/11/10 (2230)

I'm so glad that I was able to catch with with my family, Wilshaw, Emmy, and my Grandma today. And that I could squeeze in grocery shopping between working. Unfortunately I didn't get to buy my zabouka (avocado) because she was trying to charge me way too much.

This group is on top of what they want to do, which is good, but they are a little overbearing and want to do things their way instead of the way things run now in this hospital. They were here months ago when things were different so they think they know. Except the ortho attending is fine because he has not been here before so he's willing to do it however we ask this time. So it's hard because I am younger than all of them so I don't think they respect me as much. But I am trying to be assertive when I know I really need too. And I can't take anything personal. Just try to keep things running smoothly. Jessica and Elinor left to help in a cholera center so it's just me this week. Well I can barely keep my eyes open, so it's time for bed.

15/11/10 (1325)

How good it is to take a mid afternoon break to sit before God's feet and study. And it dawns on me every once in awhile how beautiful the view from here is. I might be getting frustrated at times with the surgery team, but I have to keep in mind that they are doing lots of needed surgeries and clinic. And then they leave on friday. I feel bad but the lack of respect for me is frustrating. I don't know why so many American health care providers feel the need to show off and belittle others. What every happened to teamwork and just donig your job? Don't get me wrong, it's not everyone but enough to make me feel like I'm working back in America. I've been enjoying the more relaxed Haitian work atmosphere. And not so much competition.

But, Lord, I'm keeping in mind there have been thousands of people dying of cholera and I'm healthy. So I should have nothing but praises. Please be with those sick people and health care providers. And work in me so that I can be a display of Your love. Help me not to feel powerless or overwelmed. Help me to think of others first and not let my perception and emotions rule my behavior. I lift all this up in Jesus name.

16/11/10 (1353)

Taking a break from the busyiness of the day and coming before God is the most peaceful part of the day. It helps me to recollect myself- the good, bad, and the ugly. Today I am handling things much better. There is so much to do! Patient care, charge nurse, and other random things. I guess nursing in any capacity is busy and you have 20 things on your mind at one time. May I see the big picture and minor details in the right proportion. May I balance it correctly.

So how am I feeling now: Physically and mentally exhausted. I'm confused as to why some Americans come to a country of great need and complain because there is not everything we have at home and degrade the workers of that country. I'm disappointed I can't go to Limbe this weekend to see my friends again (because of the riots in Cap Haitian and Limbe), but all things go together according to God's will so no need to fret. Limbe was mentioned in the news as having riots, so I wondered what would have happened if I would have stayed there. It's a small countryside town, but I think it's very political.

Apparently the rumor is that the Nepalene U.N. Brought the cholera so they are attacking them in Cap Haitian. They apparently beheaded some type of politician as well. I guess they are attacking foreigners in general too. Riots, burning things, blocking roads, etc so everything had to be shut down and foreigners cannot safely leave their houses.

I guess at our hospital there was a young man (25) brought in basically dead from cholera yesterday. They tried to resuscitate him, but were unsuccessful. After he died, the family left without taking the body. So I guess the Haitian doctors dug a hole in the cementry to bury him. When they drove again to put the body in, people started stoning them so they had to leave and bring the body back. People are upset that there are cholera centers in their areas so they are burning tires in front of them and causing chaos when people try to bury the dead. The WHO said they cannot take the body we currently still have because they are running into the same problem. So they're not sure what to do with all the bodies.

So myths and misinformation of cholera has lead to frustrated and scared people who don't know how to react. So I pray for all the providers who are trying to spread the truth about cholera, the treatment, and prevention. I feel fine here- just taking prevention precautions. And have extra water on hand in case any craziness starts up.

17/11/10 (1641)

There may be a lot of violence, overwelming, and frustrating situations all around us but we can still sing praises. I am still managing and trying to connect with the team. We're not sure when the doctor is going to be able to come in because his wife dislocated her shoulder. So there might be a couple days without an orthopedic surgeon, so the doctors are trying to prepare me to be able to take care of the patients here. Of course, there are Haitian doctors we can call on if need be. I would never do anything I don't have training in or don't know.

I'm trying to think of stories- I'm been so busy I haven't had time to journal, talk to Wilshaw, learn more Kreyol. Whew- I almost feel bad for saying it but I am kind of looking forward to a couple days without surgeries. I think I got a little discouraged after the one doctor said before I speak Kreyol I need to practice my pronunication. I know he was just trying to be helpful but I took it personal.

My patient Metelo is still here- slowly improving but unfortunately developing complications- UTI, pnemonia, and pressure ulcer. He is the patient who came in unstable 3 weeks ago with an open book pelvic fracture and femur fracture. The femur fracture is fixed, but he needs the ex-fix on the pelvis for at least 6 weeks. So we are doing everything to him because he is such a high risk for complications- he already has 3 and we can't afford a clot (They can't do heparin drips here)!! It's exciting because I feel like I've been there through his whole case and we have been taking good care of him- despite his complications. We have been turning him and practicing deep breathing but he probably wasn't doing it on his own. And I've connected with his family and they know my name! I love that. His son looks just like him.

It still surprises me how much the family does without complaining. Bathing, pin care, turning and repositioning, feeding, changing the linen, etc. It was so crazy the one day I was in the room with Metelo when the family was changing the linen. Instead of having him roll side to side to change the sheet, there was 5 or 6 of them and they literally lifted the patient off the bed and switched the sheet. Well, that's one way to do it! Someone is basically always with the patient. Unfortunately it breaks my heart that someone is not always with Sondy, our 12 year old boy that has been here 2 months. He has a mom and a dad but they rarely come.

I like making friends with the nurses and nursing students. It's been busy this week so I haven't been able to interact with them as much. I hope I'm not missing out on any witnessing opportunities because of busyiness.

I've been doing the cooking this week since Marc cooked for us last week. Not sure what I have to make tonight! I'm glad to have Marc and Brian for spiritual accountability partners. To keep our goal and mission focused on Christ.

It's so nice outisde- like in the 80's with the sun setting. It's crazy to imagine it's cold in PA!

19/11/10 (2300)

I think I say this almost every week, but I am grateful for this sabbath day. It was a challenging week for me and mentally exhausting so I'm glad to have a day away from it all. It's not the patients- I like them all but I just need a day break not to have to worry about anything. Mostly the exhaustion is from being placed in a role I haven't been in before and working with people who didn't always respect me. But it did get better as the week went along. I know the short term medical people paid a lot of money to be here and they brought a lot of knowledge and skills. So I'm thankful for that! It was just the approach. It's hard for the Haitians when every short term team comes in and changes things around because they can't get established. And the other bad thing is them questioning the Haitian doctors orders- I don't know why people think the Haitian doctors are less qualified. They may not have the capacity to do all that we do, but they definitly are just as skilled and knowledgeable.

But, I hope all in all that I represented Christ this week. The plastic's resident removed my mole this week so that was a blessing! So we do have an orthopedic surgeon come today. We found out late thursday night that he was coming in still on Friday. His name is Terry Dietrich. He will be here for one year. Him and his wife seem nice! I explained all the patients in detail.

I enjoyed the slow rounds with CPM (our therapy group) this morning so I had time to actually look at the patient's chart. We didn't have a doctor all day so I just made sure everything was being done that needed done. And I took the time to assess all the patients, remove Metelo's sutures (which were probably on too long and hard to remove because they were crusted over with drainage from the pin sites), dressing changes, and being sure antibiotics were being given. It's exciting to see the progress the patient's are making- especially the 3 motorcycle accident patient's who came in to our hospital in bad shape.

I ended the day with walking Sondy and watching the sunset outside. We spoke in Kreyol and even some of the translators came over. It is fun listening and speaking Kreyol. Even though I can't understand it all, it's exciting when I can! Lord, I lift up the sexual immortality though going on. May the original intent of sex before restored. I was overjoyed to hear the one male translator tell me he is waiting until marriage to have sex. I know there are not many men like him so I really encouraged to stay strong in that mindset and read proverbs! Because I know it's not always easy for him.

It was cute today because we have 3 health care professionals from France. So the one lady was trying to ask me questions but she only speaks a little English. So she was telling the Haitian nurse in French and the Haitian nurse was translating it to me in Kreyol. I felt reencouraged in my Kreyol effort today. Especially when one of the Haitian doctors overheard our conversation and told me I speak Kreyol well for being here 2 months. I love this Haitian nurse, Onphee. She is trying to learn English and she's just fun to talk too. As well as she's an excellent nurse. I try to interact with all the Haitian nurses, but I'm terrible at names.

Then the evening wrapped up with bible study and sky gazing on the roof. The moon is super bright tongiht and it was neat to watch it go in and out of the clouds. And the temperature is just right! I love this analogy brought up by Brian: God is like the sun and we His children are like the moon. The moon reflects the light from the sun, as we should reflect God's light. But sometimes our light is covered by clouds.

Tonight we are sleeping on the roof. Because the generator and occassional smog smell, it is very peaceful outside right now. But even though it was a stressful and frustrating week for me, I'm sitting here thinking of so many people who have it much worse off than me. Metelo's wife died today. Sondy has no one to fed him (and he's only 12 years old). All the amputees and people with health problems. All these people sick and dying of cholera. All the unrest and riots. Sometimes I feel like I did not do all that I could or wanted, but the day's just go by so fast! So I need to make the most out of every interaction with each patient. I need to see them as a whole and not let the busyiness of everything get in the way of that.

Well, I'm thankful to have the whole crew back. We are now an official cholera center. I'm hoping the gate is finished before the elections. Well, I'm exhausted! Night night!

Week 10

7/11/10 (1630)

Well, it's week 10 already! Thank You God for Your mercy and grace on us in Haiti. The storm could have been much worse, but You moved the eye of the storm and slowed it down. You allowed the wedding to carry on yesterday.

I have been bad at taking time to sit down with You in communion these last couple of days. We've been on the go! Thursday and Friday I spent most of the day with Elisabeth and her family. I didn't take my camera because I was trying just fit in like a Haitian. Although Friday I wish I would have brought my camera because Elisabeth wanted pictures of her getting ready.

A large group of her friends were there on Thursday practicing a dance for the wedding. I met her mom and sisters. They are so loving and giving! It was fun helping them cook. Actually I was more learning than helping. It is just amazing what you can do and make with so little. Mwen pi remen bagay bwe se ji la Grenadia (my favorite thing to drink is the juice Passion Fruit). I made it this morning for everyone. Yum!

It was just exciting to use my Kreyol this couple days. It was funny because I was the translator at times for Donna. Like Mac said, the key is to try to the gist of what they are saying even if you can't understand every word. It's just so wonderful to be able to communicate with the local people. I think at times it takes people by surprise that I can speak it (of course I'm not even close to fluency).

It was funny because they tied up the chickens and roasters. I guess that was a wedding gift from Elisabeth's parents. I was scared of them pecking my feet they kept on cooking with them right below their feet. Elisabeth has 8 (she did have 9 but one passed). They seem like a loving family and the brothers seem to take care of their sisters well. They all seem to want to speak English too, so I was helping them with that. Robenson came to get me before the dinner finished on Thursday, so God bless the family because they walked 30 minutes with the food in a wheelbarrow to bring us it to eat. I still want to do something very special for them because they gave us passion fruit and a mellon. So generous.

Friday, I went with Elisabeth to get her nails done. They looked beautiful afterwards, but I don't know if I'd want it done because there is no sanitization of equipment. And the fake nails were all just in a bucket (not packaged) and she was filing over the customers nails over the bucket so it the fake nails were all dusty. Well in my concept I guess. But she did do a good job with the nails.

It was fun watching Elisabeth and her sisters try on each others clothes. The whole family is very beautiful, but the sisters all look so different! I can say that I really like Elisabeth- she is a beautiful person inside and out. She was very protective of me on the streets. Being a blan (foreigner/white) on the street draws a lot of attention. But I felt very safe with her. We were into all types of little neighbors- that was neat. I have no pictures of it, but just the wonderful memory. We were getting her hair done past sunset and it was funny because I kept my flashlight on just so she wouldn't mess up her painted toenails. But people automatically assumed that I was a blanc because of the flashlight. They mostly use candles, but just walk in the dark.

I was saddened over the fact that Robenson has not been the nicest to Elisabeth this week. Elisabeth told me Friday night as I was waiting to be picked up that she was sad. It broke my heart and all I knew to do was to pray with her. I tried to pray slow so she could understand some if it. She gave me the most genuine hug and kiss afterwards. I would like to stay close to her these next couple of months. Help her with her English and she can teach me how to cook Haitian food. And just grow closer as friends.

I think women are seen more as servants in the marriage here. But I've been told they pretty much have to get married for need of protection since rap is so high. I guess if a women lives by her self, she will most likely get raped. I guess infidelity among married men (even Christian men) is high, but there is nothing these women can do about it. And apparently it's not talked about among women because it's happening to most women. That breaks my heart.

I can see why educating women can solve problems. I wouldn't say I'm a feminist, but I do not believe God designed women to be man's servant/slave or for women to be mistreated. We were made to be the other half- the helper, partner. God told man to take care of his wife and love her like Christ loves the church. And women to respect and submit to their husband. Ephesians 5:22-33. So I lift up this marriage to you that it will be lead by Your example, Jesus.

The wedding morning, Elisabeth mom came over and cleaned the house. I tried to help because I felt bad that she wasn't getting ready! I was told that Elisabeth's family stayed up all night to cook food for the reception. And the food was delicious! Now that is love. And to think the reception was so short. The wedding was supposed to start at 10am but Haitian weddings never start on time apparently and were were waiting for Robenson's Uncle and Aunt to arrive from the States. We got to the church at 1030 and there were like 3 guests hehe. I guess no one expects it to start on time. It started around 1pm.

Well, it gave me time to meet a Haitian who played the piano. So we practiced the songs so he would play with me. Robenson had me on the program 2 times so I sang/played "Be Thou My Vision" and "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing." I didn't even worry about being nervous because I was doing it as a favor to them. I told me earlier in the week he wanted me to sing, and then the morning of I noticed I was on the program 2 times so I had to pick another song. It was my first singing solo. I think I'd rather play flute solos and sing in the choir. I have a good choir soprano voice, but nothing that stands out as solo worthy.

Haitian wedding ceremonies apparently are more like a production so it lasted 2 or 3 hours. It started with a long procession- a dance, the 3 girls dressed in wedding gowns, the children, the mom's, the groom, and then the father & bride. They sat in chairs up front. The best part was the 10-minute pep talk and cheers from the crowd before the kiss. Everyone was really into that part, it made me laugh. There was a choir and other singers. They had 2 vow exchanges, prayers, scripture readings, and lots of mini sermons to prepare them. Although there was no exit processional. It just ended and people headed to the reception. One thing I noted about not having just one photographer was people would stand right in vision site to get photos (and not move lol) so luckily Donna was up front so she got some good photos.

Oh, random thought again. One of Elisabeth's guy friends knows some English I think only through R&B and rap songs. So he was asking me to buy him some food, but putting the "F" word in like every other word. I don't think he really knew how strong that word is so I told him he shouldn't be using that word because it's not very nice. He said OK. He started using swear words at the reception too, so I asked him please not to speak to me like that. I wouldn't never do that back home to someone my age, but he took my advice and then wanted a photo with me lol.

We all ate and socialized some at the reception, but only for 1 hour or less. We left early, around 4:30 pm and went to the hotel. Except Robenson went off driving people back home so I hung out with Elisabeth until he arrived back at 9pm. We watched music videos, talked, and enjoyed the leftovers. Donna and I got to pillow chat some then before bedtime. I've really enjoyed getting to know Donna. Wayne is a nice guy too and I'm glad he could come see Haiti.

It got frustrating at times during the week, but that happens on vacations when your around each other non stop for a week. Plus the stress of preparing for the wedding. Donna and I kind of think that the two of them really don't know each other and so they are just starting to see each others' personalities. But the both were smiling the morning after the wedding, so that was good to see.

I went to their house and helped clean up and make passion fruit juice. I've decided I'm taking advantage of all the fruits and vegetables here that I cannot get back home (or they are super expensive). Plus then I'm supporting the Haitian businesses.

Oh, funny story too because I wanted purple earrings for the wedding. So Elisabeth took me to a stand and it wasn't exactly what I liked but I had to get it after she told the seller she was trying to charge me way too much. So the price dropped from 15 gourdes to 7 gourdes. Most Haitians will not stand up for foreigners when they are getting overcharged, but I think she did because she sees me as a good friend. I appreciate that and I think I'll do all my shopping with her!

It was a nice welcome back today because everyone was genuinely excited to see me. I guess there was tension this week. I'm glad to have Marc and Brian (the American architect) because otherwards I don't think I would enjoy it as much. They are good spiritual support, want to work as a team, and fun to be around. We did pilates together tonight. And we went out shopping. So much to do, so little time. I have been getting away from studying my Kreyol every night so I need to do that. But I pray for unity in our work tomorrow and that we will be leading our patients to You.

8/11/10 (1248)

I am glad for a functioning body to work. Eyes, ears, and a mouth to communicate. Knowledge to serve as a nurse. And for the ability to be able to slowly learn the language. I mostly hope to impact the women and children. Especially after learning about all the infidelity, I just have be even extra cautious about my interactions with men. But of course, I still need the male translators to translate and help me learn the language.

10/11/10(1307)

It dawned on me that no matter how many of the world's most magnificent world wonders you see, it won't even compare to what Heaven will be like. So for those people who will never get the opportunity to travel, they need not to be too disappointed if they have accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior because they will one day get to live in the most perfect place imaginable.

Today's lesson about Caleb's willingness to stand up tall in Numbers 13 really touched my heart (after 12 Israelite men search the promise land of Canaan and they see it is exceedingly good. But they are discouraged because of lack of faith in God's promise that they can conquer the land). The point brought up that it is very hard to be in opposition to what the large crowd is doing or saying (ie cheering for the opposite sports team if you are in a crowd) is so true. So in this story when everyone is grumbling and weeping, Caleb courageously stands up and announces the promises of God. I like that he did not argue or insult, but just asks the people to trust God and take action.

It's so true that he would have been so upset that he has to wait 40 years to enter the promise land because of other mens' sins and unfaithfulness, but he still stuck with the community and encouraged them. I know when trouble arouses in our own home church (whether sin, lack of faith, or disagreement), it's hard to stick with it. Not saying that we always need to stay, but maybe there are times we can stay and work it out. But it will be frustrating and hard at times and that's why it's easier to just move on. Grant us the wisdom to know the right thing to do in those situations.

I feel more back in the swing of things here. Finding my place and enjoying the patients/co-workers. There are so many little things that I will be different to adjust back to in the states: 1) Here I carry a vial of morphine (narcotic) on me. 2)Signing surgical consent is optional. 3) I often function as a nurse practitioner for minor things (like bowel regimen) & whatever else is needed (charge nurse, floor nurse, organize supplies). 4)The relaxed work atmosphere. 5) For the majority, the co-workers are nice and not arrogant or clicky. 6)Flexible work hours. 7) The patient's family doing half of the nursing care (for example, there is not a recovery room, so the patient in placed in the room and the family members do most of the watching, baths, turning/repositioning, etc). 8) Israel Park's loud music every night (he has a little bar down the street and there's no noise violation laws) and the school's music every morning across the street. 9) Ice cold showers (no matter how hot I am, it never feels good!). 10) the warm weather (at the point I return in February, I will not have felt a temperature below 70 degrees for almost 10 months). 12) the beautiful mountains and ocean. 13) the language!

Things I will not miss: 1) Mosquitoes. 2) All the trash all over the place. 3) All the unwanted attention from men. 4) The cold showers! All in all, I'm so glad to be in Haiti. I might not be doing anything grand or fix Haiti's problems, but it's just a learning experience for me more than what I can actually provide. Like the Pastor said this morning, we are all still a work in progress by God so we need to be patient with each other.

13/11/10 (1535)

I am so thankful for this sabbath day. Even though I ended up working taking care of patients past sunset, we then had bible study again on the roof. It was just what we all needed and the topic just flowed together. Even though we can't all leave the campus yet to live elsewhere, it's nice to have the roof to be a place to get away. It's cool up here and the view is breath taking. You can see the ocean and mountains. Lots of trees! And it's a good spot to watch the sunset and then gaze at the stars.

The week ended up with happy and frustrating moments. Thursday I spent half an hour sitting outside with Sondy (our 12-year old boy patient with an ex-fix and wound vac on his one leg that is shorter than the other). It was just so joyous because he hasn't been able to get around by himself now that he has the wound vac. He's been in the hospital 2 months now. He uses crutches to walk. So I could tell how happy he was for that moment. He also told me he is happy that I can speak Kreyol with him. And earlier on Thursday, Elinor and I were dancing in Mama's room (the 17- year old paralyzed patient). It's like moments like that that make your day and the patient's day. I hope they see God through it!

I'm learning to not be so uptight but just to go with the flow at work. It's fun to joke around at work and have fun with the patients. I couldn't do that back home at my last nursing job most of the time so it's taking time for me to learn to do that again! Unfortunately, all our long term pediatric patients have dwindled down to just Sondy. Friday was his birthday, but the little girl that shared his room left that morning. Sondy's parents rarely come in and so that girl's mom was the one caring for him and feeding him. So we came into his room Friday morning he was crying because he was all alone. It was the saddest thing! So the physical therapist's got him a wheelchair so he could get around by himself and we placed a patient in his room because he didn't want to be by himself.

Another moment that touched me with him is that I told him he could come listen to us practice singing on Thursday evening. I almost forgot to get him until close to when we were done. So I ran upstairs to get him and when I got in the room, he automatically put down his food and was ready to go. I'm so glad I didn't forget because that promise meant a lot to him. I'm learning that it's little things like this that count the most sometimes.

I thought I would be done early on Friday because we had no doctors, but unfortunately I didn't get done early so I didn't get to see Melissa or Elisabeth. A bunch of patients left though, so it was nice to have a calmer day. The new team just arrived in the last hour and I can already tell it's going to be a crazy week. But I'm thankful that the plastic surgeon is willing to remove my mole.

So I'm going to use this evening to watch up with Wilshaw and family. Sometimes I feel like I'm always on the go! It's nice to slow it down sometimes. Too much to do, so little time. I'm going to take some time out tomorrow to shop and cook food. I've lost 10 pounds already and I don't really want to lose anymore!

So some unfortunate news is that the Haitian government has been hiding the real number of cholera cases. They have been reporting less to the world than what the real number is. So far I've heard at least 12,000 cases and about 900 deaths. It's spreading all over Haiti like wildfire. And it's getting tense too because of the election coming up soon. In Gonaives this week, 50 cadaver bodies were burned in front of the Mayor's house.

Today, we talked as a team and that was good. It's what we needed because there hasn't always been teamwork. And it's unfortunate to see that the blancs and Haitians don't always work together. Marc has told me that many short term nurses (American) have been degrading to the Haitian nurses and doctors. Ugh...I don't know why we do that as Americans sometimes! Well, anyway that's all for now!

Week 9

1/11/10 (0810)

I just realized I never finished my thought from Saturday. All in all, I was just upset about how rude and cunning this one person was to me on Saturday. But I have to let it go and not let the devil use these tactics to discourage me. I had such a spiritual filling Friday evening and I'm finally feeling fit in at this new place. I am with Donna and Pastor Robenson now for the week. Donna brought the box from my mom and I'm so thankful to have a bible study book again (I finished my other one). I am going to enjoy this one because we are studying background characters in the Old testament that don't always get as much attention but have a lot to teach us. They might not have as much written about them but they all had a place and purpose in God's time line. And that's how my life is- just a minor person in life but I still have my purpose.

Forgive me for wasting precious time by putting my selfish needs and desires over others unnecessary unmet needs. Forgive any bad thoughts or words about some of the American nurses. Allow me to bear with them in love. Forgive me for my sin of omission and laziness at times. Thank You for forgiving me and washing me clean. For another day to be alive and serve. Please fill me with the Holy Spirit to be able to do this. Help me to overcome difficulties and not get discouraged by it.

It was so exciting because I understand a little bit at church yesterday!! Yesterday we were driving around seeing things, but I was getting hungry. So as we were leaving the University to get food, Pastor stopped to just say hi to the Pakistan U.N. Well they wanted pictures with us and then offered us some of their food. The food was delicious!

Being here at the rented orphanage house is a reminder to how most Haitians lives-no car, only electricity occasionally, no running water, and very little money. But they keep going despite the heat, sufferings, hurt, and feelings of hopelessness at times. May You fill their void and give them hope. May the right President be put in place to make a change for the better.

Last night we cooked rice, beans, and sardines. It was so interesting because the generator would turn on/off based on how much power we were using and when the gas ran out. The lights would dim if we plugged something else in. We have circuit overload and occasionally lose power for a couple hours but we don't usually have to worry about having enough electricity to make dinner. But it was a delicious meal to share together.

If it weren't for the crazy amount of mosquitoes overnight, I would be sleeping well despite sleeping on the floor. Donna and her friend Wayne are nice and I'm glad to have this week to spend with them. It will take time, but I pray for this orphanage to get the funding that it needs. I praise You for the nice car You have provided for us. I praise You that enough money has been raised to send 15 of the orphans to school. Well, it's time to head up to see the children today.

2/11/10 (0933)

It was such a joy to be able to communicate more with the children. And to be able to talk to the caretakers. I wish it was easier to drive up to see the children, but renting a car costs way too much and the buses are not safe. I could ride the tap-tap in town, but I don't know about out of town. Plus I couldn't ride by myself. The general role of thumb is foreigners get charged double the actual cost. So I try to get my Haitian friends to buy things on the street for me. I had some street vendor food yesterday and it was good!

Wayne brought the kids 2 soccer balls and they loved it. I played a circle hand game with them again too. Then at dusk, I sat down and they all crowded around me- speaking to me in Kreyol and helping me practice the alphabet, playing my hair, and singing. This rejuvenates my desire to speak Kreyol because being able to talk to them makes a big difference. Kids will be kids at times, but overall these children are well behaved.

It was much cooler last night and I slept well! The weather is very nice today (Li fe bon jodia). Not too hot or humid. Donna and I shared the bed last night and I think I slept better because of that. I sleep better with someone in the room or house. I can see why little kids don't like to sleep by themselves. We left at 6am the next morning because Elisabeth had to be back to shop for the wedding. It's only a 2-hour ride with a good car and not much traffic. So it would probably be 4 hours to Limbe and 5-6 hours to Cap Haitian. The bus is cheaper than the plane, but can't risk it with the crazy driving.

I'm disappointed the election got pushed to Sunday, November 28^th because that is the weekend I wanted to return to Limbe. I still pray that You will arrange it for me to talk to Steve James. Yesterday and today are holidays (Day of the Dead) so no school or government businesses are open. I am hoping that I can get my fingerprint done at the U.S. Embassy!

4/11/10 (0747)

I am thankful for this week to rest, relax, and reflect but Lord also prepare for this big storm coming in. I am glad for this cooler weather, but I pray for Your mercy on Haiti. It has been going through a lot throughout history- but especially in the last year with the earthquake and now cholera outbreak. A bad hurricane would be detrimental.

I am thankful for all that we were able to accomplish yesterday. Even though the U.S. Embassy said they would not do my fingerprint (I said they would not, but I am sure there is someone that is capable), and it was frustrating but I have to let it go. We saw the organization Food for the Poor- it's a pretty big, but organized place. Donna is a speaker for the organization, so she wanted to see how they operated.

We drove all over PaP- we went up unto the mountains where the rich Haitians live. It was a neat view of PaP, but very different environment. You could tell it was the lifestyle of the well-off. We even saw a Porsche dealership. I'm not sure where you would drive a nice car around PaP.

We drove back to downtown for the big market in PaP around 4pm. I'll admit I was a little frustrated that we had to go back out because I was asking the Pastor to stop when we saw what we needed as we were driving back so we wouldn't have to go back out into the traffic. But he wasn't really listening to what I was asking. But, I got over it and it was fun to interact with a 4-year old that rode in the car on the way back. Robenson used the car as a tap tap on our way back home. I asked her to sing for me and she did. Her mom was very nice too and she said "God Bless You" on her way out. The only guy in the car told Servilus that he should only be taking women and children when I am in the car.

We enjoyed another wonderful meal of rice, beans and zaboka (avocado) and mango for desert. Yum! It was much cooler sleeping last night with the breeze and I didn't get eaten alive! It was nice to talk to my family and Wilshaw last night. The phone has been out of minutes so I couldn't call them before. Although the phone kept going in and out with the generator flickering.

Week 8

24/10/10

I am thankful for this day, peace about being here, people willing to help me learn the language,and the spiritual support. I am thankful for all that I'm learning and things I'm able to do. I thankful for instances like Friday night when Marc was singing with two of our long term children. I joined in and it was just so joyful to see the kids smile and to hear them sing.

I'm finding where my need is and learning to set my boundaries. Friday we had a unstable patient transferred from MSF (doctors without borders) who had an open book pelvis fracture and femur fracture from a motorcycle accident. The driver was killed when the motorcycle was hit by a car. They had to give him 2 units of blood and do an emergency surgery. They wanted a nurse to watch after him for 1-2 hours after surgery- so I did that and got him all settled in. It felt nice to do the floor nursing and get him all settled in. I checked on him before bed- the nurse hadn't done anything for him since I left and he had a high fever. So I gave him tylenol and his scheduled ancef antibiotic.

Then, yesterday, one of his family members who spoke English came to find me. He said the Haitian nurse was not doing her job. We asked the nurse about it and she said the patient wanted an American nurse (which is becoming a trend at times). They said I took good care of him last night- which I did because he was my only patient! We explained that the Haitian nurses are capable and need to be the ones who do the work. We foreigners are here to support them and help if needed. We are working alongside to improve the nursing care.

It's interesting/sad seeing how the good intentions are causing problems at times. 1) Prices are increasing for food, rent, etc because the (greedy) Haitians know foreigners can afford it, but now the Haitians are struggling to afford it and a lot of people can not afford to rent a place to live. 2) Some NGO's (non governmental organizations) are paying the Haitians way more than the average wage so it's causing problems with throwing off the economy (of course it's good intention) but the Haitian run places cannot afford to pay their employees that much. 3) There are a supplies sent that can not be used here (such as PCA pumps, central lumen kits) but we don't have enemas or bedpans! 4) A large amount of Haitians prefer foreign run medical care over Haitian run medical care (which is not good in the long run).

So, yes men can turn good intentions into greed. It's unfortunate but it's what sin does to people. But as my friend Mac said, “It would be easy to hate my country, but I cannot hate it. God knows me and loves me; and He made me Haitian. He has a plan for me and my country.” He said he doesn't work just to make money, but to serve God. He worked 6 or 7 days a week for free for 5 months after the earthquake. I can't even imagine doing that! God Bless him for that. He said he doesn't mind working more hours than he is supposed to because he is serving God. Also he doesn't mind being in a Seventh-day Adventist Hospital even though he belongs to the Baptist denomination because it is the same God (very true!) He doesn't mind taking time to help people like me learn Kreyol because his viewpoint is that we left our family, country and jobs to help his country. So that is his way of thanking us.

I am so glad for Haitians like him. He has an attitude we all can learn from at times. He just finished law school (all four years cost about $80 USD), but he wants to go back to pharmacy school in the USA if possible since the pharmacy schools here are not well yet. He works in the pharmacy at the hospital as a translator. Apparently he wanted to go to medical school but it is way to expensive for him (about $125 USD/month...which doesn't seem like a lot, but that's how much he makes per month as a translator. He gets $1,000 Haitian dollars per month, which is $125 USD). So you can see why going to medical school is not really feasible unless your parents have some money here.

It was so nice yesterday because we had an English church service and then we went to the University's English speaking service. It was my first English-speaking service in 2 months. It was just wonderful to sing and fellowship together. We all watched a sermon in the breakroom and then Mac helped me with my Kreyol. We all just hung out, joked around, and just relaxed Saturday evneing.

Today after they fixed the dirty water supply (lol it's almost impossible to get out of this hospital because something always goes wrong or there's an emergency), we finally made it out to Calico beach resort for Ken's last day in Haiti. I almost forgot I was in Haiti at the resort. It was nice because the people I went with are fun to be around. So I am definitly going to stay here but set my boundaries. It'll be nice when we move out of the hospital so it doesn't appear to people that we are available 24/7.

As always, driving was an interesting today. Both ways we had to slam on our brakes to barely miss cattle crossing the road. But, praise God I found my flute!!! I'm so glad to have it back. I haven't written in my journel in awhile. I'm just adjusting to the busier environment. There has been an outbreak of the worst strand of chorea near Saint March. I don't know the statistics now, but the first 2 days 1,500 people were infected and 150 died. There has been lots of actions to try to contain the disease and educate people (at church, cell phone text messages, and radio). But unfortunately it's in the main water stream. But I know You are mighty God and with You anything is possible.

Well, it's bedtime for a new work week. I thank You for these 2 days to rest, relax, and enjoy friends. It's much needed to keep me going during the week.

27/10/10 (1238)

I will rejoice and be glad in this day. God is the craftsman and I am designed to do good work in His name. But I need to stop worrying about what type of working I'm doing. I'm here to do what is needed- whether organizing supplies, floor nursing, census, education, holding a hand. Whatever Lord- and I cannot be anyone else. And yes I'll admit that I feel on the back burner with the other 2 American nurses and I don't feel as capable as them at times. But I know You have given me the talents and gifts to be a nurse. I guess it's weird because you come to Haiti knowing there is a lot of need and thinking you will make a big difference. But I think it's the individual differences that matter. Each individual person you have an opportunity to interact with and can make a positive impact on their life. I know how different my life will be after this time here.

Even though I'm frustrated at times and not sure what to do, I know God can use me for His greater purpose everyday if I let Him. I have to stop trying to do it my way, but hand it all over to God. It's true how confusing your life's purpose can seem without allowing God to guide you. I am so glad to be here and provide this time of my life here. And being here is forcing me to get out of my work comfort zone and tackle my weaknesses. It was easier to mask my weaknesses in my job back home, but here it's out in the open.

It's been nice to have patients recognize you and to have continual interaction with some of the same ones. I pray that they see You through me. The view from the hospital compound is amazing. It's going to be different going back home to cold weather and no palm & banana trees. Even though there are some things that bother me here, I am going to miss it here in Haiti.

The pediatric patients we have long term always make me smile and their hugs and kisses are always a nice touch to the day. Well it's time for touch. Mesi pou tout bagay Savior (Thank you for everything Savior).

28/10/10 (2200)

How fast times flies! Last night I experienced my first cardiac arrest. I was getting ready for bed when around 10pm they were yelling for more people to help with CPR. When I got down to the ER, they were lifting the patient (60 year old male) off of the bed and onto the floor to do chest compressions because there was no back board. He was also having a seizure. He was in DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis- basically his blood sugar was so high he was going into a coma). We got his heart beating again but he wasn't waking up. So they were ambu-baging him to give him air. In the meantime we were giving insulin, fluid resuscitation, vaso-constrictor drip, and potassium supplement. We don't have an ICU so we couldn't intubate him because the only hospital in PaP with an ICU was not answering their phone. But he went into cardiac arrest again and he wasn't coming out of it with medicine or CPR. So we pronounced him dead and put him back on the bed for the family to mourn.

I have only had 1 patient die on my shift before and it is a lot of paperwork. Unfortunately even if we did have an ICU, I don't think this guy would have made it. His family said he never wanted to see a doctor, so I think they couldn't convince him to come in. So he was brought in basically in a coma. I wish we had a Pastor there to talk with them but it was already 11pm at that point so the Pastor was at home. It was just so different- the fact that the first thing we would have done in America is intubate the patient. Not having a backboard for CPR and the crash cart was not stocked so we were running around for emergency needed supplies. And the electricty went out for a little while we were doing CPR. The family was just watching through the glass windows as we tried to save this guy's life on the floor.

But as someone pointed out, imagine how crazy it was right after the earthquake. I can't imagine the images and horror these people have been through. Yet, they have to keep moving forward. With all the laughter and fun the pediatric patients bring, you would never know of what they have been through and the injuries they are still battling with since the earthquake. I am excited that everyday I can talk more and more with them.

So last night really gave me a good perspective on things. No need to complain. Just enjoy the people and language. Use my skills and knowledge to do little things that I can. And yes I am glad for the times that I can get out. Yes, I miss being around my Haitian friends in the evenings, but there are lots of wonderful people that I am meeting here.

I am learning medically here on morning rounds from the doctors and physical therapists. The last 2 doctors have been very nice. God Bless this Doctor Rick because he was been here by himself this week. Doing 4-6 surgeries per day, morning rounds, and seeing 50-60 patients in the ortho clinic each day. And he still was nice at the end of it. But he said he has to be done by noon tomorrow because he is in the process of adopting Junior from Haiti.

I've been enjoying cooking and exercising with Marc and Brian. She's very knowledgeable and has a good personality for the job. She's hired here to work on continuing education and improving the nursing care. I admire her knowledge, courage, straightforwardness, and seeing the bigger picture. She's a good nurse to have here for a year, especially since she speaks the language.

29/10/10 (2204)

Father, I don't know why I distrust You at times. I have felt confused at times as to my role here but there are so many instances You have proven Yourself and are showing me. I was thinking about Monday when we all made pasta together. We had bread and butter with the pasta. Mac, the 24 year old translator I have spoken about before, had never had butter before so he was hesitant at first, but he tried it. It's just a staple in the American diet, but here it is more of luxury because you need a fridge to store it.

Today was a much calmer work day. We were short a doctor this week so Dr. Rick was busy. So minor things I handled by myself. The bad pelvic and femur fracture guy (Metelo) that I spoke about before was having low grade temps so I checked an urine sample and he ended having an UTI (urinary tract infection). So were started him on antibiotics. I am thankful for the knowledge you have provided me. I will say that I am going to learn a lot here. For basic things, I am going to have to be more independent (like bowel regimen). But I would never do anything I didn't know. Dr. Rick said he thinks that all long term nurses here should become Nurse Practitioners or PA's. He really appreciated me for functioning more like a PA because he was really busy.

I forgot to mention that the electricity stops in between power switching to another generator. So that happens a couple times a day but it's only for 10 seconds or less usually. For the most part we have running water and electricity. It only goes out every once in awhile. I found a wonderful shelf for my belongings today. I feel more settled in now.

I let Marc (the Haitian American nurse) trim my hair tonight with the nursing scissors. We couldn't find any other scissors. It actually looks good even though the blade was dull. It feels nice to have the hair off my neck again. It was growing! It was great- we cut my hair on the balcony overlooking the beautiful mountain and sunset. Then after the sunset, we had a small group singing, studying the bible, and singing. It was just so wonderful to be outside to worship staring at the stars, mountains, and ocean. And the lesson on Mark 8:21 about God washing the guys eyes 2x was what we studied. It really helped me to refocus on the suffering truly going on in Haiti; how we need to stay focused on our mission; and that we need to not be lackadaisical about our work here. There is a lot that needs to be done- and the most important thing no matter what our job title is is to witness and share God with the people.

That's what we, as Christians, need to do until we die or Jesus returns (whatever comes first). God wants us to be His body on earth. Even though I'm in Haiti and near all the tragic stories, it's easy to just block out the suffering. Especially because I cannot fully communicate with the people. It was a reality check that I cannot be so selfish with my time. Yes I don't need to burn myself out, but I can do what I can while I'm working. And I can have fun doing it. Almost everyone speaks Kreyol with me because I told them I want to learn it. I was very business like at work back home, so I'm slowly letting that guard down and enjoy myself while I work. So it's taken me sometime to adjust and find my way but I am ready!

And I can't forget to be thankful for all that I have- clean water in the midst of cholera outbreak and food. I lift up this hospital, Grace Orphanage, and Gamide. I lift my family and friend's prayers. In Christ's name I ask all these things.

30/10/10 (1036)

I am turning to You Lord when I am frustrated with someone instead of allowing the devil to take hold of my emotions...

Week 7

17/10/10 (1132)

Bonjour Savior! The days can get so busy, but I need to take time everyday in studying, prayer, and quiet time. I don't want to be so busy that I miss out on what matters. I need to daily die to myself and sinful desires, and instead let the Holy Spirit lead me. So I am taking this day to spend time with You & friends, study Kreyol, and rest my body. I hope I'm not being selfish. It's a little crazy how much they want to work! I'm used to working 3 long days, not 6 days! But Lord, there are so many Haitians in need of a job. They would like to work. Being here is giving me a different perspective on life. Help me to find my nitch to plug in and to connect. Life can easily feel empty and meaningless at times when we lose sight of You, but You give us hope and joy even in the gray of life.

Well, guide me today to do whatever You ask me to do. I lift up the health care system in Haiti, jobs, the sick, the homeless, and the orphans. This is a daily reality that you can't get away from in Haiti (well I guess you can but not as easily as in America). I pray for peace in the upcoming election. Lord, there is so much need, but the most important need if the truth of Jesus. I lift up those preaching or sharing the gospel.

17/10/10 (2306)

I thank You, God, for this day. The wonderful people I'm meeting. I am so glad that I have met Denise. She has so many connections in Haiti! We left for the beach at 1pm- and after much traffic & detours we arrived at 1530. What I noticed is that I'm recognizing places in Haiti now. We drove back a different way and I remember the gas station I ate at and the street Pastor Robenson lives on. Exciting!

It was a crowded local rocky beach. Nice to cool off because it was hot today. We enjoyed a wonderfully prepared Haitian meal. We watched the sunset and then headed back home in the private tap-tap. Funny stories- there was no bathroom so we had to squat on the cement floor in the women's bathroom because there was no where private to go. The driver was going 90 mph (literally because I looked at the gauge). We were stopped by the Haitian police to examine our passengers because apparently a bunch of prisoners escaped from jail during the political demonstrations and shootings today. But they let us go because our driver was not Haitian and did not speak English (he was from the Dominican Republic). We ended up driving by a political speech, but it was only talking at that times.

I loved the fact that I could understand the slogan “wi nou kapab” (Yes we can). And that I could ask the orphan boy sitting beside me some questions in Kreyol. I think he loved it and it was very exciting for me. Unfortunately, 3 people drowned in the flood yesterday (they were sleeping in the tents & the rain water pulled them under). It's been storming like crazy here- the roads are flooded bad. I praise you Lord for somewhere dry to sleep off of the ground. So I lift up those in tents!

Man, PaP is a busy busy and dirty place! But I know people are here because of need of jobs and better education. I pray that Your hand will be in the rebuilding of Haiti's infrastructure. May I add my drop to the bucket, but not get frustrated that I can not do more. Well, it's time for bed before a busy day tomorrow!

19/10/10 (2145)

I praise God for another day to live, serve, praise, have compassion, etc. The translators asked me why I smile often, and well I guess the only reason is because God loves me. I am hoping that I can use moments like that as a witness opportunity.

I am finding things to do and finding my place here. The thing that is crazy is living and working in the same spot and not feeling like your off duty. I guess I got used to not working as much at HBS Limbe. I miss the people, food, and workouts at the other place. But all the people would be leaving in December.

I am just trying to make the best of everyday and learning the language. Allow me understanding. I praise You for everything.

20/10/10 (1350)

I praise God for giving me peace, joy, and grace. Even though these 3 things may be simple, it is what's necessary. Myself being “happy” is not/should not be my goal in life. So I am just doing whatever work I can and learning what I can. I have to chuckle because the saying is true “The grass always appears better on the other side.” And I think that looking back things appear better than it actually was. Our mind plays tricks on us.

So I am refocusing on why I am here- and I hope to touch some lives. Well, it's time to open up journal #2 because this one is filled. So that's all for now!

20/10/10 (2300)

I feel all special with this nice new notebook. Lord, today I observed and learned many things. I usually just go with the flow of what is needed after morning rounds. Today, I ended up as triage nurse in the ER (which is more like a clinic than an ER at times). I practiced my listening and speaking skills, as well as taught the one translator how to take vital signs. I enjoy teaching others skills.

I watched the 1-month old baby with pneumonia while the other long term nurse Marc ate lunch. She worked as a NICU nurse for 5 years, so she's very good at it! I spoke with her for awhile. She is in the hospital 11 more months, so I'm hoping we can tag team on things together.

Tonight, we had a family style meal. It was interesting talking to one of the translators, Mac. He said he only knew basic phrases in English before the Earthquake, But, he said after the French and Canadians left Haiti, it was just the Americans. So he taught himself English since this past March. It blows my mind how good he is at it. But he made a comment that struck me. He said (paraphrased) Haiti is dependent on other countries for help because it is a poor country. He thinks that is why the educated people here speak 3-4 languages. He thinks because America is self-sufficient that the is why we really only need to speak our native tongue. His example of learning English is encouraging to me to learn Kreyol. As he said, “Practice makes perfect.”

At times I get discouraged here because we don't have a set work schedule. And it seems the foreigners are not meshing or working together with the Haitians as much. And having short term surgeries is good and bad. The bad is they come in fresh and want to do as much as possible while this is my life for a couple months so I can't be working 50-60 hour weeks.

Apparently another problem is the translators at times are degrading the Haitian doctors and they think that the foreign doctors (and nurses) are better. I hope that mindset changes because we certainty are not. We might have more capability to do things in America, but our doctors are not any smarter or better. They each know how to deal with what diseases & problems they get with whatever capacity they have to deal with it.

But Lord I thank You for providing more spiritual support here. It's late and time for bed!!