I am thankful for this day, peace about being here, people willing to help me learn the language,and the spiritual support. I am thankful for all that I'm learning and things I'm able to do. I thankful for instances like Friday night when Marc was singing with two of our long term children. I joined in and it was just so joyful to see the kids smile and to hear them sing.
I'm finding where my need is and learning to set my boundaries. Friday we had a unstable patient transferred from MSF (doctors without borders) who had an open book pelvis fracture and femur fracture from a motorcycle accident. The driver was killed when the motorcycle was hit by a car. They had to give him 2 units of blood and do an emergency surgery. They wanted a nurse to watch after him for 1-2 hours after surgery- so I did that and got him all settled in. It felt nice to do the floor nursing and get him all settled in. I checked on him before bed- the nurse hadn't done anything for him since I left and he had a high fever. So I gave him tylenol and his scheduled ancef antibiotic.
Then, yesterday, one of his family members who spoke English came to find me. He said the Haitian nurse was not doing her job. We asked the nurse about it and she said the patient wanted an American nurse (which is becoming a trend at times). They said I took good care of him last night- which I did because he was my only patient! We explained that the Haitian nurses are capable and need to be the ones who do the work. We foreigners are here to support them and help if needed. We are working alongside to improve the nursing care.
It's interesting/sad seeing how the good intentions are causing problems at times. 1) Prices are increasing for food, rent, etc because the (greedy) Haitians know foreigners can afford it, but now the Haitians are struggling to afford it and a lot of people can not afford to rent a place to live. 2) Some NGO's (non governmental organizations) are paying the Haitians way more than the average wage so it's causing problems with throwing off the economy (of course it's good intention) but the Haitian run places cannot afford to pay their employees that much. 3) There are a supplies sent that can not be used here (such as PCA pumps, central lumen kits) but we don't have enemas or bedpans! 4) A large amount of Haitians prefer foreign run medical care over Haitian run medical care (which is not good in the long run).
So, yes men can turn good intentions into greed. It's unfortunate but it's what sin does to people. But as my friend Mac said, “It would be easy to hate my country, but I cannot hate it. God knows me and loves me; and He made me Haitian. He has a plan for me and my country.” He said he doesn't work just to make money, but to serve God. He worked 6 or 7 days a week for free for 5 months after the earthquake. I can't even imagine doing that! God Bless him for that. He said he doesn't mind working more hours than he is supposed to because he is serving God. Also he doesn't mind being in a Seventh-day Adventist Hospital even though he belongs to the Baptist denomination because it is the same God (very true!) He doesn't mind taking time to help people like me learn Kreyol because his viewpoint is that we left our family, country and jobs to help his country. So that is his way of thanking us.
I am so glad for Haitians like him. He has an attitude we all can learn from at times. He just finished law school (all four years cost about $80 USD), but he wants to go back to pharmacy school in the USA if possible since the pharmacy schools here are not well yet. He works in the pharmacy at the hospital as a translator. Apparently he wanted to go to medical school but it is way to expensive for him (about $125 USD/month...which doesn't seem like a lot, but that's how much he makes per month as a translator. He gets $1,000 Haitian dollars per month, which is $125 USD). So you can see why going to medical school is not really feasible unless your parents have some money here.
It was so nice yesterday because we had an English church service and then we went to the University's English speaking service. It was my first English-speaking service in 2 months. It was just wonderful to sing and fellowship together. We all watched a sermon in the breakroom and then Mac helped me with my Kreyol. We all just hung out, joked around, and just relaxed Saturday evneing.
Today after they fixed the dirty water supply (lol it's almost impossible to get out of this hospital because something always goes wrong or there's an emergency), we finally made it out to Calico beach resort for Ken's last day in Haiti. I almost forgot I was in Haiti at the resort. It was nice because the people I went with are fun to be around. So I am definitly going to stay here but set my boundaries. It'll be nice when we move out of the hospital so it doesn't appear to people that we are available 24/7.
As always, driving was an interesting today. Both ways we had to slam on our brakes to barely miss cattle crossing the road. But, praise God I found my flute!!! I'm so glad to have it back. I haven't written in my journel in awhile. I'm just adjusting to the busier environment. There has been an outbreak of the worst strand of chorea near Saint March. I don't know the statistics now, but the first 2 days 1,500 people were infected and 150 died. There has been lots of actions to try to contain the disease and educate people (at church, cell phone text messages, and radio). But unfortunately it's in the main water stream. But I know You are mighty God and with You anything is possible.
Well, it's bedtime for a new work week. I thank You for these 2 days to rest, relax, and enjoy friends. It's much needed to keep me going during the week.
27/10/10 (1238)
I will rejoice and be glad in this day. God is the craftsman and I am designed to do good work in His name. But I need to stop worrying about what type of working I'm doing. I'm here to do what is needed- whether organizing supplies, floor nursing, census, education, holding a hand. Whatever Lord- and I cannot be anyone else. And yes I'll admit that I feel on the back burner with the other 2 American nurses and I don't feel as capable as them at times. But I know You have given me the talents and gifts to be a nurse. I guess it's weird because you come to Haiti knowing there is a lot of need and thinking you will make a big difference. But I think it's the individual differences that matter. Each individual person you have an opportunity to interact with and can make a positive impact on their life. I know how different my life will be after this time here.
Even though I'm frustrated at times and not sure what to do, I know God can use me for His greater purpose everyday if I let Him. I have to stop trying to do it my way, but hand it all over to God. It's true how confusing your life's purpose can seem without allowing God to guide you. I am so glad to be here and provide this time of my life here. And being here is forcing me to get out of my work comfort zone and tackle my weaknesses. It was easier to mask my weaknesses in my job back home, but here it's out in the open.
It's been nice to have patients recognize you and to have continual interaction with some of the same ones. I pray that they see You through me. The view from the hospital compound is amazing. It's going to be different going back home to cold weather and no palm & banana trees. Even though there are some things that bother me here, I am going to miss it here in Haiti.
The pediatric patients we have long term always make me smile and their hugs and kisses are always a nice touch to the day. Well it's time for touch. Mesi pou tout bagay Savior (Thank you for everything Savior).
How fast times flies! Last night I experienced my first cardiac arrest. I was getting ready for bed when around 10pm they were yelling for more people to help with CPR. When I got down to the ER, they were lifting the patient (60 year old male) off of the bed and onto the floor to do chest compressions because there was no back board. He was also having a seizure. He was in DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis- basically his blood sugar was so high he was going into a coma). We got his heart beating again but he wasn't waking up. So they were ambu-baging him to give him air. In the meantime we were giving insulin, fluid resuscitation, vaso-constrictor drip, and potassium supplement. We don't have an ICU so we couldn't intubate him because the only hospital in PaP with an ICU was not answering their phone. But he went into cardiac arrest again and he wasn't coming out of it with medicine or CPR. So we pronounced him dead and put him back on the bed for the family to mourn.
I have only had 1 patient die on my shift before and it is a lot of paperwork. Unfortunately even if we did have an ICU, I don't think this guy would have made it. His family said he never wanted to see a doctor, so I think they couldn't convince him to come in. So he was brought in basically in a coma. I wish we had a Pastor there to talk with them but it was already 11pm at that point so the Pastor was at home. It was just so different- the fact that the first thing we would have done in America is intubate the patient. Not having a backboard for CPR and the crash cart was not stocked so we were running around for emergency needed supplies. And the electricty went out for a little while we were doing CPR. The family was just watching through the glass windows as we tried to save this guy's life on the floor.
But as someone pointed out, imagine how crazy it was right after the earthquake. I can't imagine the images and horror these people have been through. Yet, they have to keep moving forward. With all the laughter and fun the pediatric patients bring, you would never know of what they have been through and the injuries they are still battling with since the earthquake. I am excited that everyday I can talk more and more with them.
So last night really gave me a good perspective on things. No need to complain. Just enjoy the people and language. Use my skills and knowledge to do little things that I can. And yes I am glad for the times that I can get out. Yes, I miss being around my Haitian friends in the evenings, but there are lots of wonderful people that I am meeting here.
I am learning medically here on morning rounds from the doctors and physical therapists. The last 2 doctors have been very nice. God Bless this Doctor Rick because he was been here by himself this week. Doing 4-6 surgeries per day, morning rounds, and seeing 50-60 patients in the ortho clinic each day. And he still was nice at the end of it. But he said he has to be done by noon tomorrow because he is in the process of adopting Junior from Haiti.
I've been enjoying cooking and exercising with Marc and Brian. She's very knowledgeable and has a good personality for the job. She's hired here to work on continuing education and improving the nursing care. I admire her knowledge, courage, straightforwardness, and seeing the bigger picture. She's a good nurse to have here for a year, especially since she speaks the language.
29/10/10 (2204)
Father, I don't know why I distrust You at times. I have felt confused at times as to my role here but there are so many instances You have proven Yourself and are showing me. I was thinking about Monday when we all made pasta together. We had bread and butter with the pasta. Mac, the 24 year old translator I have spoken about before, had never had butter before so he was hesitant at first, but he tried it. It's just a staple in the American diet, but here it is more of luxury because you need a fridge to store it.
Today was a much calmer work day. We were short a doctor this week so Dr. Rick was busy. So minor things I handled by myself. The bad pelvic and femur fracture guy (Metelo) that I spoke about before was having low grade temps so I checked an urine sample and he ended having an UTI (urinary tract infection). So were started him on antibiotics. I am thankful for the knowledge you have provided me. I will say that I am going to learn a lot here. For basic things, I am going to have to be more independent (like bowel regimen). But I would never do anything I didn't know. Dr. Rick said he thinks that all long term nurses here should become Nurse Practitioners or PA's. He really appreciated me for functioning more like a PA because he was really busy.
I forgot to mention that the electricity stops in between power switching to another generator. So that happens a couple times a day but it's only for 10 seconds or less usually. For the most part we have running water and electricity. It only goes out every once in awhile. I found a wonderful shelf for my belongings today. I feel more settled in now.
I let Marc (the Haitian American nurse) trim my hair tonight with the nursing scissors. We couldn't find any other scissors. It actually looks good even though the blade was dull. It feels nice to have the hair off my neck again. It was growing! It was great- we cut my hair on the balcony overlooking the beautiful mountain and sunset. Then after the sunset, we had a small group singing, studying the bible, and singing. It was just so wonderful to be outside to worship staring at the stars, mountains, and ocean. And the lesson on Mark 8:21 about God washing the guys eyes 2x was what we studied. It really helped me to refocus on the suffering truly going on in Haiti; how we need to stay focused on our mission; and that we need to not be lackadaisical about our work here. There is a lot that needs to be done- and the most important thing no matter what our job title is is to witness and share God with the people.
That's what we, as Christians, need to do until we die or Jesus returns (whatever comes first). God wants us to be His body on earth. Even though I'm in Haiti and near all the tragic stories, it's easy to just block out the suffering. Especially because I cannot fully communicate with the people. It was a reality check that I cannot be so selfish with my time. Yes I don't need to burn myself out, but I can do what I can while I'm working. And I can have fun doing it. Almost everyone speaks Kreyol with me because I told them I want to learn it. I was very business like at work back home, so I'm slowly letting that guard down and enjoy myself while I work. So it's taken me sometime to adjust and find my way but I am ready!
And I can't forget to be thankful for all that I have- clean water in the midst of cholera outbreak and food. I lift up this hospital, Grace Orphanage, and Gamide. I lift my family and friend's prayers. In Christ's name I ask all these things.
30/10/10 (1036)
I am turning to You Lord when I am frustrated with someone instead of allowing the devil to take hold of my emotions...
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