I am thankful for another week to be alive, healthy, and able to do the work You have asked me to do. I thank God for sleep and a joyful spirit. I pray for wisdom in making my decision to stay here or switch hospitals. I am so thankful for the wonderful time and people I've met here.
My conversation with Dr. Marvelo has been on my mind. He said they have 4 free immunizations in Haiti. TB, MMR, tetanus, and pertussis. But the other ones, such as hepatitis, typhoid, etc are very expensive. I told him yes they are expensive. I paid at least $300 USD to buy them all. He said most of the doctors here cannot afford the immunizations, but they should have them. I think the conversation struck a cord because I remember complaining to myself back home that I had to pay so much for the immunizations. I was annoyed because my insurance wouldn't cover it. But, at least I was able to get them. It's a reality check to myself that I have no reason to complain.
He told me there are 4 main sports played in Haiti- soccer, basketball, tennis, and ping-pong. That is because they are the easiest to set up and less costly than some sports. Those of you who know me well know my opinion on the ridiculous amounts of money spent on sports in America. He said they don't have a carnival like other Caribbean Islands, but they have concerts at the end of February for 3 days in PaP. He was saying PaP used to be beautiful and lots to do, but not anymore. I know it has to be hard to see the city you grew up in in rubbles. Also, he said the crime is much worse. He said he can't even talk on his cell phone for fear that someone might steal it at gunpoint.
I love learning about Haiti and hearing stories. There's a lot of good and bad in every country. I lift up Haiti in prayer- the health care and education system; the upcoming election; the crime; the rebuilding; that your truth will be spread and accepted.
I forgot to mention that there is a secondary school band that practices everyday outside the compound. It is so wonderful to hear them. I loved being in high school marching band. Also, the sound of the rain is great! It rains here almost everyday.
So I spoke to Shawn and told him of my decision to leave. It was a hard decision because I really will miss the people and countryside. I don't like the craziness of PaP as much, but I want to be where I feel a need. I know Lord that You will continue to provide all that I need.
Sweet Sweet Jesus- How different life would be if I did not accept You as Savior. The choices and life path I would have taken would have been different. I certainty would not be in Haiti. And I would be missing out on a priceless experience.
Yesterday, I went to church in Limbe with Stella. I saw nurse Jonas there! How wonderful it was to recognize someone. Stella tried to translate for me. She is so good at speaking English- I hope to be that good at Creole! It is a bitter sweet decision to leave because I actually like all my co-workers and the countryside. I am sad and I wish I could fulfill their need better, but I'm at least thankful for the time I've had here. I am slowly telling all the doctors and they are all shocked. I am emphasizing (in truth) that I like them all; it's just that I don't think I can do the job they are asking of me. Stella was especially sad. And I am too. I had to hold the tears back when I told her. She is an amazing person and we could be really good friends.
We hung out last night- watching movies, listening to compa music, and just talking. I am sad to leave because of the friendship that is forming. But the good part is that her parents live in Carrefour- the same area of PaP that the Adventist Hospital is in. She will be coming back to Carrefour in December for 3 months before starting her residency. So it's tough because I could stay here and get 2 more months with her or 2.5 months with her in Carrefour. Although we won't get to hang out every night in Carrefour. I want to keep my friendship strong with her. We went on our run and did our workout this morning. I'm hoping to find someone to run with at the other place.
Well, it's time to start my last day here. I'm going to make the best of it. It's actually cooler out today (Stella thought it was cold, but she hasn't experienced a Pennsylvania winter).
Even though it was very hard to say good-bye, I am actually feeling at peace with my situation. I told everyone individually that I was leaving so that they understood why. I think they were shocked and said you did not spend enough time with us, but I think they understood. I was glad to work with Jonas one more day. He is a great man of God doing his community good. He has worked at the hospital 25 years so everyone knows him and he has compassion on them.
I spent the evening with everyone talking, taking and exchanging pictures, and sharing stories. I was learning about the national holidays in Haiti. There are a lot of Catholic holidays. I guess I didn't think the Catholic Church was dominant in Haiti, but apparently enough to make national holidays. Most of the doctors and nurses do not own a camera, but they enjoy photos as much as we do in America. We even used google earth to see pictures of where each other lived.
I realized why I love this environment so much. It is like living on a college campus again. I miss that community feeling with people my age. And this place is unique because it is Haitians my age. I woke up early (on my own at 5am), which never happens back home, and I exercised with Stella. We took a tour of the museum that Dr. Hodges made. It has artifacts and the history of the island of Haiti. Apparently schools come there for trips. It was nicely done. I am trying to understand Haiti's history, but it is complex and bias at time depending on the source.
I got to say good-bye to almost everyone. I love the fact that everyone gives you a kiss on the cheek. I'm a personal person- I love hugs & kisses (on the cheek). I sometimes think some Americans do not like that. It just makes me feel loved!
The ride over to the airport was great because I learned a lot of things about Haiti from Shawn. Shawn is 26 year old who lived in Africa and France for the first 3 years of his life and then the rest of the time in Haiti except for high school and college in America. He told me that before last year the minimum wage was 70 gourdes per day (a little less than $2 USD per day, NOT per hour). Now it has been raised to 125 gourdes per day ($3 USD per day). But he said the minimum wage is not enforced. They pay their employees by that though. So it just boggles my mind that the majority of Haitians live on $3 USD (equivalent in gourdes) per day. And most things are not cheaper here. He was saying some Haitians get money from their family members working in America.
I can't even imagine having a budget of $3 per day for myself, let alone having to support a family. It puts my budget into a whole new perspective. These people have the same basic needs as all of us. Shawn said experienced doctors at their hospital make $1,000 USD per month; but the other employees (cooks, laundry ladies, etc) make $50 USD per month (well they are paid in gourdes but just so you all can get the idea). I was told the number of $3 USD per day is the average wage, but I thought that was a little exaggerated. But it's for real. Oh, and there is no paid vacation or sick time. You don't work, you don't get paid.
So the money I make in 2 or 3 hours of work in the U.S. is what the average Haitian makes per month. It really puts life, poverty, and what is really necessary in America into perspective. I am now truly going to try to be a better steward of my income. And to think I just spent $60 on overweight fees. I have a long way to go still!
I am not writing all of this to make anyone feel bad or guilty for how much money you make or how much stuff you have, but just to inform. You can take whatever you want out of it; I'm just telling you the facts and what I'm taking out of it.
So it was good getting to talk to Shawn. He was telling me that their hospital used to have long-term (1-year) foreign staff in every department working with a Haitian staff. But after Dr. Hodges died, they couldn't really get any foreign staff to volunteer. Paul took over as director when Dr. Hodges nephew did not want to do it anymore, but it really wasn't a job he intended on taking. Shawn said he doesn't really like to be the director, but someone has to do it. So I guess I have changed my opinion and perspective to be that they may care about the place, but never had the intentions to be the directors. And I think because they do not have the medical knowledge like Dr. Hodges, that it makes it even harder. Also, Shawn said they are not getting support fund-raising like they used to, so eventually it might have to shut down.
Shawn was saying that in 1994 things started going downhill in Haiti. His viewpoint was that the President made some changes that changed Haiti for the worse (and the U.S. Government supported him). For example, the Haitian Military was gotten rid of even though they provided more police work than the Haitian police. Also, the trash pick up was stopped. People also started moving away from their countryside homes and farms and into the cities. So that has caused problems and Shawn said the cities are not as beautiful anymore. In general, people move to the cities for jobs and better education. The same thing happened in America before Suburbia came about. But we can now see all the problems that the suburbs cause too. So I don't know what the best solution is, but all I know is that everyone needs to know the truth about Jesus Christ.
So, I'm not here to solve political problems or really even get involved in that, but it is good to learn the history and get different viewpoints and perspectives. I think I really am going to get more out of this trip than I can provide. I am feeling more comfortable with trying out speaking Creole. The people love it when I try even if I mess it up. I am really going to work hard at it. I am hoping to maybe come up to Limbe to visit everyone once again before they all separate and go their own ways.
Oh, and I asked Shawn about all the cars in Haiti. He said most are not-brand new and most people do not own their own car. Almost everything is public transportation. As you can imagine with the salary you could not afford to maintain a car.
I am so thankful for another safe trip! I am feeling more at ease traveling in Haiti. I still am careful of course, especially in PaP. The driver came early to pick me up because I arrived earlier than planned. We sat in the car to wait for the other lady. It was the great thing because I pulled out the book that Stella lent to me to practice and the driver (Richard) had the audio CD for the book!! He had it to learn English, which he speaks well. So it was great to practice that.
The other lady came and she is great! Denise is from Switzerland and she speaks french. She loved telling stories. She's a psychologist that has been here 5 times already, so it seems all the Haitians were excited to have her back. The people here seem nice- a mix of Haitians and Americans. It's hard though because it's like starting at square one again. I'm hoping to make a friend like Stella. We went to a grocery store (in a building) down the street and I got some food. Well time to start the day!
I am glad to be awake and not have a headache. Yesterday I thought what is going on here (the hospital)- this place seems disorganized too, but after talking to Nathan I am feeling better about it. He said the hospital was not functioning well before the earthquake. Now, they have hired a new Haitian director. The Haitian government mandated every hospital to provide free health care for 6 months, but did not reimburse them.
Now, they are transitioning back to charging patients and having a mostly Haitian staff. Also, making a better structure and organization. I got an email today from a Christian organization that was providing free health care in mobile clinics saying how they have decided to stop doing that because free medical care by foreigners is now actually hurting Haitian run medical facilities. The Haitians are choosing the free care and the foreign medical personnel over Haitian places. So the Haitian run places that were functioning fairly well are now struggling to stay open.
So even thought it is still a little chaotic here, I'm going to try to stick it out because I think this hospital is heading in the right direction. I'm just going to have to get out of my “comfort” zone and put myself where there is a need. It might not be floor nursing. This experience will build that aspect of my character.
The one translator, Kendy, said he is willing to help teach me Creole every night. Now, I am just trying to speak it with people because that's the only way to get better.
Yesterday, we walked to the Adventist college.. Apparently it was a beautiful campus and great education 20 years ago. It has fallen apart because of poor management. They had a zoo, pool, and mini-golf course. Now, it has a tent city with 15,000 people. We met some people living in the tent city. They invited us into their tent home and we chatted. The doctors gave medical advice. I was excited because I felt like I could understand the gist of the conversation.
We also went out to a place called “Israel's” to get something to eat, but they only had drinks and very loud music. So I had some juice and we waited out the rain before heading home.
I am glad that every morning we have a group meeting with a devotional too. I don't want to drift away from God and sharing His love with others.
I have to keep the mindset that I am here to serve in whatever capacity they need so I am willing and have a positive attitude. At times, I am starting to feel confused as to if this really was the place you wanted me to be. I wish I could have visited it first. If I could have a re-do, then I would have just stayed at HBS Limbe until Pastor's wedding. I would have checked out this hospital during the visit with Pastor Robenson. But I made the decision to come, so now I must live with that decision.
The people are nice, but I'm not sure if I'll make a friend like Stella. But in due time. Friendships take time to form. It truly makes me sad that I had to leave the friendships I was forming, but I have to trust You. You provide all that I need.
The good part is that I'm not the only volunteer so I have someone to bounce ideas off of and learn the ropes. I am hoping we start up a bible study. I do need some spiritual support. I'll have to see if they have a Pastor or someone to provide spiritual support to the patients.
So as the saying goes- the grass always seems greener on the other side. Plus, I don't think I was given an accurate description of either place. But, Lord, I am going to do what I can. I'm here to learn, serve, grow, experience, etc so I am going to make the best of it. I truly do love Haiti and the people.
I am so grateful for this Sabbath day. A time to rest, reflect, and fellowship. Lord, You know me and what is best for me so much better than I know myself. You are so righteous and glorious. I am just a speck, but You are Alpha and Omega. I need to humble myself and my life.
My emotions and feelings go all over the place right now. One minute, I tell myself I'm just going to make it work here. The next minute, I get myself discouraged that I made the wrong choice. So, Lord, I have no idea what I'm doing and if I'm making the right or wrong choice, so please guide me.
I won't be as effective if I keep switching around. While it is nice to make connections and see different things in Haiti, I'd like to have the consistency and I'd like to be the most effective. I think the thing I'm most sad about here is not having a Haitian female friend. Stella told me to try and I will make friends. But, there are not as many Haitian females that speak English. The guy translators are great in helping me learn the language, but it's not the same. I also miss the Haitian style meals. And the morning work-outs!
I am learning things at work- putting in IV's successfully! But there seems to be an over-abundance of nurses here too. So Lord, I just don't know what to do. Sometimes I think I am what is wrong with me. It's just hard because I couldn't visit the places before volunteering. Both the places want to improve the nursing care, but I just don't know how to go about doing that. I feel so powerless. It feels out of my comfort zone. It's good to get out of your comfort zone though, I know. I'm good at getting out of my comfort zone in terms of living/making friends/etc but not work I guess :)
I had a good time at church with Denise and Kendy. It was children's service, so the kids were dressed very nicely in white and red. It was great to hear them sing and pray. I then took a much needed nap. I also took a much needed time talking with God. How easy it is to grow apart from God. I tend to try to figure things out for myself and not spend enough time with God. It is hard because I want to go to church with the Haitians, but I can't learn much since I can't understand most of it.
I need to re-evaluate why I am here- to share my nursing skills and the gospel, learn the language, and just experience the culture and people. But Lord, I can't except to feel happy all the time, but I can have joy all the time. I think I might just be selfish at times. I want to get out and experience Haiti, but I need to not be selfish with my time and money. Look at how little many of the Haitians have.
All in all, I would just like to have a good female friend here. It's hard to make a genuine friendship! Well, I lift all of this up to our Maker. I need to focus my mission on sharing God's love through my gifts & talents. It's funny because you go on a missions trip thinking you will be so focused, but it is far to easy to get side-tracked. So I just need to refocus myself. Lord, please guide Your confused child. Help me not to be so selfish, but do what I can for others each day. No matter where I am and what I am doing. I pray all these things in Christ Jesus name, Amen.
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