Week 14

6/12/10 (1335)

There is a lot going on today, but that is no reason to not take time out to spend with God. Help me to stay calm and composed today even though I'm tired and anxious for a break. Little things are annoying me, so I need to seek God to respond in the right manner as well as not to take things personal.

Yesterday the doctors did a couple surgeries and then organized supplies. I just asked them the questions I had on the patients and we saved all the wound vac changes for today. So it was nice because I could get other things done. I spoke to Mrs. Stevens (Wilshaw's mom), Sister Clemons, Wilshaw, and my family! And then we celebrated Audra's last day with a wonderful dinner.

Unfortunately I cannot go the D.R. right now because the border is unstable. They still wanted me to leave the country (because they could get in legal trouble for letting me work more than 3 months without a visa) and this pilot, Joe, happened to have an extra seat on his 6-seater airplane. Apparently his missionary since 1976 has been flying this plane around the world, but mostly stations in Haiti, after disasters to deliver water purification system and share the gospel. And then Wilshaw offered to fly me to Dallas. So I'm going to stay until Sunday morning. It will be so nice to see him and meet everyone in Dallas. I'll get to see what my next location will be like. And get my fingerprints done!!

I really didn't want to go back to the US. until February at first (because of culture shock), but the flight is free for me and it will be nice to have the break. I know it's only been 3 months, but I'm ready for a tiny break. Amy & I were talking about how it really breaks your heart to see and hear all the sad stories, but after while the "gimmie" attitude (it's not everyone but it's enough that it starts to wear on) and the "rat-race" environment starts to burn you out. We were trying to figure out if we're becoming desensitized or losing compassion. I'm not sure, but I don't want it too because there truly is great need here and there are situations people are in not because of their own doing. I just want to approach it in the right manner because I don't feel like handing money out to people is the solution. I think the biggest problem really is that we live and work in the same place more than people begging- because I ran across lots of people begging in Pittsburgh. So we never feel like we leave work sometimes- I guess it teaches you that your work is your ministry! I feel a little guilty that I get to get away from the craziness here and most Haitians never will. I guess I need to be extra thankful.

So I pray for God to always grant me compassion and to bear with my fellow brothers & sisters in their sufferings. Guide me to know the right thing to do in each situation. Because You clearly place certain people in our paths at certain times because You have something You want us to do for them. Let me not brush those people off in my haste, discomfort, weariness, or any other excuse.

The election results are supposed to come out tonight. Not sure what will happen, but I pray that You will protect Your children. I pray for a revolution in Haiti. It's funny because I did come to Haiti nervous (the U.S. Embassy really tries to scare you) and now I realized I'm more relaxed. Of course there is a lot of bad things that happen (and things really could get very violent with the elections), but I have learned how to play it smart in Haiti and they are doing everything to keep us safe during the elections. But unfortunately it isn't a good spot for tourists. Which is shame because it has beautiful beaches and it could be a good source of income for Haitians. But without being with a trusted organization or trusted Haitians, it really isn't the safest to travel in Haiti. I want to buy Haitian artwork as gifts to support them.

I was so sad to see Audra go this morning. She is such a wonderful doctor. Marc & the doctors have decided the NICU needs to be shut down for now because the nurses are not able (or they just are not) taking care of the babies properly and there is no pediatric doctor on call every night. Audra did a great job but I know it was frustrating for her at times when nurses and the lab didn't do what they were supposed to do. For example, the pharmacy didn't have the anti-seizure medicine overnight, so instead of calling the doctor to see what else they could do, the nurses just would not do anything. And then the next morning Audra would find the babies seizing. And the lab wouldn't draw the labs when she polietly asked, but would get upset when she asked them about it. So it's good that they have hired Marc to organize a program for continuing education for the nurses. Don't get me wrong, there are some amazing nurses here. But in general, I don't know if it's lack of knowledge or care that sometimes follow-up care isn't the best.

But anyway, lol, that's just a couple frustrations. All in all, I am very glad to be here. I am sad that Sondy won't be here much longer after I return, but he needs to return to school. The clinic is very crowded today with having 3 ortho surgeons and a ortho resident. Scott Nelson, the peds ortho surgeon, is back for 2 weeks so a lot of patients came to see him. He was the one here for 6 months post quake. It's a good group though because they know the hospital but are going by what we do now. And they seem respectful. So even though it's busy, it's not bad.

It was fun last night listening to Spanish. There are 2 volunteers from the D.R. I actually can understand more than I thought I would. I think being forced to use another language here is improving my language skill ability. I do love spanish, but my speaking skills are rusty. Well, that's all on my mind (I know it's a lot)

7/12/10 (1830)

Something is so joyful about discovering/understanding more of God's truth. Sometimes I give up on trying to understand because it's hard and it's time consuming. But if I am going to make God number one in my life, then how else can I get to know You and Your truth. For me, prophecy is one of the hardest and most challenging things to comprehend. I'm glad for the guides to help me along, but You granting me understanding is what I need. Not so I can be puffed up with prideful knowledge, but so I know what's coming and how to prepare. It's like the Israelite's misinterpreted or did not study the prophecies that were describing Jesus, and then they missed who Jesus really was. I don't want to do the same thing about the prophecy You have given us about the future.

Now, I like this question posed: Do I make decisions based on passions & emotions or logic, reason, rational thinking. Or both. I like the example of David in 1 Samuel 26:5-11 versus 2 Samuel 11. What a drastic change in him. Power and authority lead him astray. What might be leading me astray: Seeking friendships (even Christian friendships) and filling my time with business over seeking God first. Those are the main two. I think God gave us passion and emotions because he didn't want to create robots. Now we can feel joy, excitement, happiness as well as sadness, disappointment, anger, and anxiety. Even though it's hard to deal with the latter group at times, it's better than not having any emotion. And our passions can help us to be productive and make a change. So it's up to us if we choose to be lead moment by moment by the Holy Spirit or not. So that answers the above question for me. Unfortunately too often than I like to admit I don't seek the Spirit in difficult or good times so I make decisions based on my emotions and my logic/reason  without seeking God. I can't change the past, but seek to do better everday.

I had such a great bible study and a wonderful flight from Haiti to Fort Pierce, Florida today with a wonderful Christian pilot. I am starting my vacation days off wonderful. I woke up at 5am and left for the airport at 6:30 and somehow we got there by 7:15. The traffic is not that bad at 6am, so now I know when to travel in PaP.

Joe Hurston is such a joyful Christian man who uses many ways to minister. He is a pilot and founded, Air Mobile Relief Mission (http://dieunika.blogspot.com), which has one 6-seater airplane named Ti Bourik (Little Donkey in Kreyol). It flies all around the world to deliver water purification systems to areas after disasters and shares the gospel. He's been a pilot for 30 years and he's an excellent one. They have mostly been working in Haiti since 1976, so he speaks Kreyol. He knew the Hodges (the doctor who founded Good Samaritan's hospital in Limbe, where I spent 2 weeks). I guess the Lopital Adventiste has taken care of Joe's wife many times, so he is fond of it Amy told me. So he stopped by for a visit on Sunday and told Nathan he had an extra seat. So instead of going to the D.R., they decided to send me to Florida. Joe doesn't charge anyone that he takes on the flight (he said his pride doesn't let him), so I'd like to donate to his missionary when I start making money again.

So it was a a friend of Joe's son, 2 Haitian air-traffic control men, and myself besides Joe on the little plane. We started the flight with prayer. Joe did everything to make us comfortable. There was a lot of wind, so he had to fly lower and make a pit stop at Exuma Island in the Bahamas to refuel. So now I can say I've been in the Bahamas. He knew almost everyone there because he's been doing that since 1976. We flew along the Bahamas and I had no idea it was really that long! The color of the water was prettier than I can describe it. As well as the sky line. It never ceases to amaze me, and to think Heaven is going to be even better.

Flying over Haiti I was able to recognize some things from the air. The one Haitian, Junior, was laughing because he said "I think you know the landscape of Haiti better than me." Probably not, but I somehow have traveled to many parts of Haiti (didn't even plan on it).

Then when we got out of the airplane in Florida, my body also went into shock with the 55 degree weather. I had goosebumps all over, lol. You have to understand I haven't felt weather below 75 degrees (except for my shower) in 6 months. And I don't have any warm clothes so I had a summer skirt and sandles. I'll have to make a pit stop at goodwill for a pair of warm pants.

So I thought I would have more culture shock but I actually didn't. As much as I'm enjoying my time in Haiti, it's always nice to go home (or be around friends & family). I got out before the election results were released, so I pray for that situation. I learned that the area I'm living in PaP is the 2nd worse (poverty striken) area in PaP to Cite Soliel (Cite Soliel is the most poverty striken and dangerous spot in the Western Hemisphere. Used to be in the world at one point, but I think the middle east & other places have it beat now). So I guess that helps explains some things. I didn't know that.

Apparently a lot of families will try everything, like seeing the witch doctor, before coming to the hospital. So the patient, esp. the babies, are very bad off when they get here since they don't come here first. But apparently the Haitians like to sue (or whatever term they use) if the baby dies because they blame it on the last medicine that was given. So sometimes the Haitian doctors are slow to start aggressive treatment because if the baby dies without treatment, then they can't be blamed (so unfortunate that it's like that because of that). These babies chances of survival even with aggressive treatment is so-so here, so I guess they have to make that call of who to try to treat aggressively. Apparently they don't blame the foreigners for their babies dying though (even though they're doing almost the same thing the Haitian MD's would do).

Oh, and another random story is that apparently patients were throwing trash in the cholera toilets, so the machine wouldn't collect the stool. So now someone has to manually (by hand), go in and remove the trash from the cholera stool. So glad that's not going to be me.

Oh, I forgot to mention that Joe also drove me to the airport. We got in 2 hours later than planned, so he was going 85 mph down the highway. We got there at 3:40 pm and my flight was at 4:35pm. Luckily I didn't have to check any bags, but the security line was super long! But I tried to be patient and figure God would work it out even if I missed the flight (since he's worked out everything else). I got to the terminal at 4:12 and they were just finishing unloading the previous flight. I made it in time and had time to get lunch. I'm so excited to see Wilshaw. I think sometimes last minute plans make it super exciting because it wasn't something you were expecting. Although it's not good practice to follow because the flights cost a lot more the day before. I found a ticket from Miami to PaP (for when I return) for $180, but I had to wait for Nathan's approval since Loma Linda University would be paying for it. Well, by the way we bought it about 2 or 3 hours later, it cost $260. Crazy! So God, I know that's a lot of money and there are people who don't have enough money for clean water and food in Haiti. So I need to be humble and thankful that I get this opportunity.

Well, the flight is descending! Yea!! Also, I just thought of paved roads. Hallelujah- what a difference that makes!

9/12/10 (1130)

I am so thankful for this morning to sleep in, study Your word, relax, and play with Pepper (Wilshaw's cousin's dog). Nicky and Ian (Wilshaw's cousin), house is gorgeous and I'm very thankful they've allowed me to stay here. I'm not used to the cold so I'm here very cold even though it's really not that cold compared to Pennsylvania.

I think being in Haiti that God is teaching me how to balance my viewpoint, not be so cynical towards America, and not to judge those who choose to live in luxury. While I still think that living in excess comfort can be dangerous spiritually, I realized that most people (including Haitians), would choose to seek that first over helping their fellow brothers (as we can see the rich Haitians don't do much for their fellow countrymen that are suffering). And a lot of greed, corruption, etc is everywhere (I guess in my mind I thought America was the worst...but sin is the same everywhere, unfortunately. It just comes out in different ways in different places, but Jesus is the same solution for everyone and everywhere). So I'm not saying it's right no matter where you live, but it's helping me not to be judgmental because God is the judge, not us. He said the way we judge is the way we will be judged by Him. So I'll leave the judging up to Him. And I can't feel guilty about where I come from, but just try not to live above my means/needs.

Right now, in Haiti they are protesting because Jude Celestin was one of the top 2 presidential candidates from Nov. 28th election. There were 19 candidates and for one person to win this election, they needed to get more than 50% of the votes. Since no one did, they take the top 2 winners and vote between them in January. The person with the highest votes was Mirlande Manigat, and then Jude Celestin. And then less than 1% behind Jude Celestin was Michel Martelly. Well the riots are mainly Jude Celestin supporters and Michel Martelly supporters because it's believed that Jude Celesti rigged the results into winning (well, I believe it because one of the translators told me he was offered money to vote for Jude). Jude Celestin is engaged to the current president's, Rene Preval, daughter. So of course that is a little suspicious. So that's why people are so upset and protesting. Also if Celestin won he wouldn't do anything different than the current president is doing (which isn't much to help & make changes). I don't like to get involved with politics, but whoever wins this one will make a big difference for Haiti during this recovering phase. All in all, I pray that people truly turn to You instead of voo-doo and other things.

In contrast, I am relaxing comfortably in a fancy and expensive house. I'm not judging their choose, but I know this isn't for me. I think being away from the comfort I'm used to and undergoing various trials has lead me to grow closer to God. My friend Lindsay asked me how my walk with God was and she told me she always feels closer to God overseas because (paraphrased) in those times when you are not living comfortably and undergoing trials, we are often closest to God. But it's a hard concept. I don't think everyone has to live in another country necessarily for that to happen, but I think undergoing trials really does make us grow closer to God if we seek Him.

Tuesday night, Wilshaw took me for Mexican food. Double yum! And then Wednesday I went to his work. His co-workers are nice and fun to be around. We had breakfast and lunch together. They ordered Pad Thai. So I've had my fill- Mexican and Thai food. I met Dr. Rathjen again (one of the top specialty pediatric orthopedic surgeons I worked with in Haiti for a week). Apparently when Wilshaw emailed him to tell him I was coming, he emailed back within an hour and said to have me come visit him. He said I helped him out a lot. I don't necessary remember what I did for his group (we get new groups every week), but I'm thankful that I was able to help them. He was asking if I applied for a job in the hospital yet. Well, I think I would get a job knowing him, but I'm not sure yet if I want to work in orthopedics. I'd like to get some ICU experience.

Wilshaw and I did some shopping errands, including my fingerprints, yea!! So nice to wear a pair of jeans. I haven't in 3 months. We rented the movie "babies" and enjoyed leftovers. It's nice to be around my best friend. The time will go fast though. I'm getting things done while he's working. I'm going to pick pictures out to print for some patients & Haitian friends, practice Kreyol, and read. I am glad for another day to relax. Lord, please be with my friends in Haiti.


10/12/10 (1137)

How excellent is God's name. How righteous and holy are His ways. How short I fall of His standards, so the greatest gift is grace through Jesus Christ. There is lots of deception in this world and how detrimental it can be to let down my guard. I always need to be on my toes and testing the things I read or hear. Lord, I am very bad at sharing with those around me what I am learning from You. May You give me the confidence to do this. And help Wilshaw & I to keep You in the center and us to be 2 sinners saved by Your grace at Your feet seeking Your truth. Work in our hearts and guide our conversations. I can see why marriage is supposed to help make you more like God if you allow it too. Being in a relationship brings out the best and worst in you and forces you to acknowledge the ugly sin because it affects that other person. You might be able to hide it better if you are single. And then to hopefully repent from it so your relationship can function better and we become more like Christ. Well, I'm not clearly an expert in this arena (since I'm not married), but it's something to think about since that might be what God has in store for me and Wilshaw in the future. Marriage will be worth it, but it's not something to take lightly that's for sure!

Help me Lord, not to be bossy, easily annoyed over silly things, and unintentionally tearing someone down (even though my intention was to help them change). That's an ugly side in me sometimes (Wilshaw knows, unfortunately it comes out in front of him sometimes). I think as humans we can often put a lot of pressure on each other over things that only God can fulfill in our life. It's hard at times because living as You desire us is going against the grain of culture. We need You to help us do that.

It was such a blessing to meet up with Dr. Mike, Anna, and Jenny at the Korean restaurant. I worked with the 3 of them the same week as Dr. Ranthjen. Dr. Mike is finishing up his fellowship at the Scottish Rite Hospital (that's where Wilshaw works if I didn't mention that before). They are Christians as well, and it was great talking to them. May You bless Mike and Anna's new move/ministry to Philadelphia next year. I am excited to know Jenny because she is a nurse that works at Children's.

So I was excited because I got the pictures printed for the patients, but then I got a call that the flights to PaP were canceled through Sunday. And then I couldn't get a flight back until Friday. I actually really wanted to get back by Monday (to hand out the pictures and say bye to those not returning), so I pray for a flight to open earlier. But I won't let it discourage me because all things work out for Your good, Lord. Well, at least I'll get more time here in Texas with Wilshaw. I will rejoice in each day!